Need Advice

[EvenStrongerNow]

I wish I hadn't told my father. He has a way of spiritualizing everything. When I told him what happened, he did say he's sorry it happened, but then turned around and said, "Nobody can touch you or hurt you unless the Lord allows it." and that nowhere in the Bible does it say we should defend ourselves physically. I'm like WTF?!? And he said unfortunately, there's not much police can do since he didn't physically attack me. Well, isn't what he did considered sexual assault even if verbally? Isn't his threat a crime??

I know that sounds more horrible without knowing him. He did try to help me look up self defense classes after I said, "Dad, being a woman in Los Angeles is TOTALLY different than being a man, totally different. My two little brothers and little sister are black belts in Shotokan so I'm going to learn self defense!"

Then, when I said that I wanted to learn self defense, he said "Well, you have to be careful because if nobody was physically attacking you, you could land in jail. Why are you so against using pepper spray or a taser?" I said, "I'm not. I just don't like my freeze response. If my initial reaction is to freeze, how will I be able to think or have the time to go in my purse for those things???"

I really want to tell him how minimizing that was, but I don't know how to . . :/

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I'm fuming right now!

 

[ashdawn8287]

So your dad is saying basically that people who have been attacked or harmed is because god allowed it.

No offense to your dad which I am sure he has good intentions, but that is stupid way and kind of living in denial or accepting the fact that their is evil out in the world and you have every right to take self defense classes. Go learn self defense not so you have the power to attack or harm others, but learn it so you have a peace of mind and while believing in the lord certainly does give peace of mind, it doesn't give you a sense of control, which I think is important with PTSD.

Just calm down. Everyone has different views, even family. When families views are different from our own it is even more frustrating.

 

[nomedic1]

There is evil out there and I experience it every day and denying it and saying The Lord will protect you is a bit naive . Take the self defence classes it's the best thing to do.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks everyone for your supportive and encouraging replies. I'm feeling a lot better about what happened. I haven't been able to get myself to go report it....but

Talking about it has really helped. I'm not as afraid and have been replaying it less...I'm a bit more hyper vigilant now. I start to realize now that I can't leave the screen door unlocked to go put the laundry in our apartment commune area when my husband isn't home. Just because our dog is inside and it is only for about 5 minutes, that won't stop someone from going inside and waiting for me to get back. It has taught me to be way more aware of my surroundings.

It's hard because every time I hear the gardener come up on the porch, it scares me as well as when the mail delivery guys bang on the door lol I'm startled more easily than usual but whatever....

Anyway, I'm so grateful for this place. You guys are so awesome! Thanks again.

(((((All of you)))))

 

[cherryblossom]

Honestly, I think being hyper-vigilant and easily startled is completely normal for anyone, who went through what you did, so try not to over-worry about feeling that way.

Well done for reporting it, talking to your husband etc. You've dealt with it amazingly well. You should be very proud of yourself. It will take some time to feel 'safe' again.

 

[Britt.f7]

Okay, your father was definitely wrong with what he said, because, in the bible it says that God gave us free will. We make our own choices. So that man made his choice. It wasn't God willed.

That's enough of my religious rant. I don't even consider myself a religious person but I know that much.

Sometimes people think if they minimize what happened, it will make it feel better for you. My dad use to do that. Or he would tell me a story of something that happened much worse. I think their intentions are good(I hope), but their reasoning is weak.

I'm glad you stood up to him. That shows strength. I'm also glad you shared with your husband. I think keeping something like that secret gives it more power then it deserves. Kudos to you.

 

[nomedic1]

Well done, that took a.lot of strength.

 

[falling]

It's so hard to tell those we love about our troubles, especially when those troubles remind us of past trauma. I'm glad you did tho. I've recently been pushing myself to confide more in my partner and while is makes me super uncomfortable at first after it's nice to be able to talk to someone and feel their support not criticism.