M
Mary-Ann
I'm sorry- I'm new here and it's kind of a long story, but I have problems dealing with something that happened to me a few weeks ago and I was hoping someone here might help me figuring things out. (Please excuse my English- I’m not a native speaker.)
I met up with a guy I met the other day on my way to university. I asked him what he has planned for us to do and he said we have to take the subway. I asked what we are going to do and he told me we would go have a cup of tea. I followed him and he asked me a lot of questions and we talked and laughed. I don’t know if I was being naïve or just plain stupid, but the next thing that happened was us standing in front of his dorm. I froze on the spot and told him that he said we would go have a cup of tea. He said ‘yes, upstairs’. I feel really stupid now afterwards for imagining there’s some kind of cafeteria upstairs.
He took me to his room and I was hardly able to get out of my shocked/scared state. He hugged me but when I didn’t response he took my arms and positioned them around his neck. He told me I was tense and I said that I’m very uncomfortable and feel like a child and that all I wanted was just a cup of tea. He kissed my arm and I couldn’t move. He asked me if I would like to massage him and I said no. He asked me if I would like him to massage me and I said no. He did it anyway and told me again that I’m tense. I told him that I don’t feel well, that I’m very uncomfortable. He told me that he would really like for us to both take our pants off and just lie in his bed and cuddle. I said that I don't want to do that. I just felt shocked by everything he said and did. He then took his pants off and lied down on his bed. I took a seat on the edge of his bed and he said that normally he doesn't like people to sit on his bed wearing jeans/pants, but that he would allow me to. After questioning me again I told him that I would like to keep my clothes on and asked if we could just talk.
I can’t remember how it happened but he suddenly started to unzip my pants and just as I saw that they were too tight and that my panties would undress automatically as well I stopped him and did it myself. He told me I should lie on my stomach, but I didn’t want to so I lied on my side. I was about to ask him if we could just cuddle as he said earlier, when he put me on my stomach and I froze again. I was shocked and my body tensed up and he kept saying I shall relax when he started groping me. He put me on my back and removed my panties. I couldn’t speak or think a single word, but my legs wouldn’t open as he tried to open them. I don’t remember how I myself or he got me to open them and I still feel incredibly ashamed about my body’s reaction to him giving me oral. After that he then put me in a sitting position and took off my blouse and my bra and pushed me on his bed again. I felt like a doll, I wouldn’t move a single limb. He positioned my hands around his neck in his hair and I just lied there while he groped me. He then moved me on my side and got a condom. He told me to open it and I did what he told me to. It was painful because of the position he forced me in with his hands (my back would hurt for five days) and me being extremely tensed. I wouldn’t look at him, I just heard him saying again that I should relax and that I shouldn’t move. I asked him what he was doing (forcing me in this position) but he just told me to relax again.
When it was over and he was in the bathroom I felt strangely euphoric and relieved. When he came back he asked me if I was okay and I said yes. He asked me if it hurt and I said no. He wanted to cuddle but I still wouldn’t touch him, so he again took my arm and positioned it around himself, while I was tensing up. After about 5-10 minutes I left.
I don’t know what happened and my brain can’t figure this out. Was that some kind of assault or am I overreacting? I didn’t want him to do any of these things he did and I feel like my brain and voice just left me there in this situation all alone. And my reaction really scared the hell out of me. It was just plain horrible and I’m so scared that something like that could happen again with someone else. I feel really messed up. (I'm even paranoid that he might read this thinking I'm messed up for doubting the whole thing being consensual/ that I'm overreacting) I think I'm a mess. I can't talk to any of my friends about what happened, because I don't know if I could handle certain reactions coming from them. So I really hope that somone here might be able to help me figuring out what happened.
I met up with a guy I met the other day on my way to university. I asked him what he has planned for us to do and he said we have to take the subway. I asked what we are going to do and he told me we would go have a cup of tea. I followed him and he asked me a lot of questions and we talked and laughed. I don’t know if I was being naïve or just plain stupid, but the next thing that happened was us standing in front of his dorm. I froze on the spot and told him that he said we would go have a cup of tea. He said ‘yes, upstairs’. I feel really stupid now afterwards for imagining there’s some kind of cafeteria upstairs.
He took me to his room and I was hardly able to get out of my shocked/scared state. He hugged me but when I didn’t response he took my arms and positioned them around his neck. He told me I was tense and I said that I’m very uncomfortable and feel like a child and that all I wanted was just a cup of tea. He kissed my arm and I couldn’t move. He asked me if I would like to massage him and I said no. He asked me if I would like him to massage me and I said no. He did it anyway and told me again that I’m tense. I told him that I don’t feel well, that I’m very uncomfortable. He told me that he would really like for us to both take our pants off and just lie in his bed and cuddle. I said that I don't want to do that. I just felt shocked by everything he said and did. He then took his pants off and lied down on his bed. I took a seat on the edge of his bed and he said that normally he doesn't like people to sit on his bed wearing jeans/pants, but that he would allow me to. After questioning me again I told him that I would like to keep my clothes on and asked if we could just talk.
I can’t remember how it happened but he suddenly started to unzip my pants and just as I saw that they were too tight and that my panties would undress automatically as well I stopped him and did it myself. He told me I should lie on my stomach, but I didn’t want to so I lied on my side. I was about to ask him if we could just cuddle as he said earlier, when he put me on my stomach and I froze again. I was shocked and my body tensed up and he kept saying I shall relax when he started groping me. He put me on my back and removed my panties. I couldn’t speak or think a single word, but my legs wouldn’t open as he tried to open them. I don’t remember how I myself or he got me to open them and I still feel incredibly ashamed about my body’s reaction to him giving me oral. After that he then put me in a sitting position and took off my blouse and my bra and pushed me on his bed again. I felt like a doll, I wouldn’t move a single limb. He positioned my hands around his neck in his hair and I just lied there while he groped me. He then moved me on my side and got a condom. He told me to open it and I did what he told me to. It was painful because of the position he forced me in with his hands (my back would hurt for five days) and me being extremely tensed. I wouldn’t look at him, I just heard him saying again that I should relax and that I shouldn’t move. I asked him what he was doing (forcing me in this position) but he just told me to relax again.
When it was over and he was in the bathroom I felt strangely euphoric and relieved. When he came back he asked me if I was okay and I said yes. He asked me if it hurt and I said no. He wanted to cuddle but I still wouldn’t touch him, so he again took my arm and positioned it around himself, while I was tensing up. After about 5-10 minutes I left.
I don’t know what happened and my brain can’t figure this out. Was that some kind of assault or am I overreacting? I didn’t want him to do any of these things he did and I feel like my brain and voice just left me there in this situation all alone. And my reaction really scared the hell out of me. It was just plain horrible and I’m so scared that something like that could happen again with someone else. I feel really messed up. (I'm even paranoid that he might read this thinking I'm messed up for doubting the whole thing being consensual/ that I'm overreacting) I think I'm a mess. I can't talk to any of my friends about what happened, because I don't know if I could handle certain reactions coming from them. So I really hope that somone here might be able to help me figuring out what happened.
