BPD Need help understanding borderline personality disorder(bpd)

[Anna]

BPD patients usually have other diagnoses and often become the victims of trauma because they place themselves in danger looking for the parent they never had.

So true indeed. I often wonder, if I didn't have BPD would I also not have PTSD? I found a very interesting documentary the other day about BPD. It was from a neurological point of view, they have discovered that people with BPD actually percieve facial expressions differently and see them being hostile.

It is very hard to deal with someone with BPD, when I look back on my past relationships, especially those when I had hit rock bottom it is crushing. I wish I knew then what I do now.

I have tried to write below some of my symptoms that may help understand what it is like to have BPD. The stigma is huge and the intense emotional pain people with BPD feel is appalling.

Honestly in the past, if I called someone and they didn't pick up the phone, or didn't message me back I actually thought that person hates me. My reaction was sometimes anger, to cut that person off completly. It would hurt so much in my throat and I would cry for hours. Totally paranoid. I know now through experiences and therapy, that people are busy, or they are doing something else. That these thoughts are irrational and paranoid. I still have these thoughts, but I have learned to slap logic into myself.

Same with the faces, if someone looked at me in a hostile way, I think to myself now, they are having a bad day or in a bad mood. They don't want to harm me.

Also the self destruction. The self hatred. Some days you have days where you love yourself then there are days when you hate yourself. Sometimes I would have days where the emotional pain was so intense I would have fantasies of how to kill myself. I know now these is a phase which will pass, and I do not talk to anyone about it. I wear a mask to hide it, I will go cry in the toilet. I no longer cut myself I excercise instead. I still drink the alcohol, but am cutting down on it slowly. I still want to have sex with everyone who shows an interest, but I don't. There is this thing called self control, morality. However, I do not feel love like other people ever will.

I have been called an attention seeker and stigmatised. To be honest, my way of dealing was just not to care. I no longer care what people think of me. I cope well. I am no longer promiscuous, I no longer cut myself. I still have the emptiness and paranoia. The intense pain inside, but you can learn to control it.

Also my understanding of my illness, has helped me deal better with my mother. Although she was never diagnoses, I do have a sneaky suspicion she may have this illness as well, just without the PTSD.

Loveneverfails:- I am so sorry I reacted the way I did. It was wrong. I was just so angry. It is possible to learn how to deal with someone with BPD. I have forgiven my mother, she also did terrible things, and my relationship with her was also volatile and toxic.

 

[Anna]

@ Loveneverfails.

I did try and send you some very useful links from youtube via conversation, but it didn't work. So I have added them here instead.

this one is 45 mins long but it explains that people with BPD see faces differently etc, it is very interesting when trying to understand.

 

[Anna]

When I was in medical school and had to do psychiatry, we had to take care of/interact with all sorts of psychiatric patients. The psych-residents who would do the day-to-day care with us medical students were always disparaging of the BPD patients. Every diagnosis, it would seem, was better than BPD. BPD patients were the most manipulative - they would present you with their tear-jerker story, tell you how wonderful you were as a 'doctor' and then the minute you didn't give them what they wanted - they turned 180 degrees and you might as well be the devil.

Yes, this is exactly the problem. Sufferers with BPD view the world as hostile and have a black/white form of thinking. Everything is good or evil. There is no inbetween. The problem with this is that they are viewed as being "Manipulative". People then automatically become hostile towards them creating this bias and reinforcing their view noone can be trusted and that all people are evil, that noone cares. This helps neither therapist, doctor or patient.

I suffer from BPD, I have been diagnosed. I know what it is like to be stigmatised with it. I had a very good therapist and I have learned to cope with my illness.

It makes me sad to see such hostility towards a mental illness. More is being learned about BPD everyday.

The two documentaries above are very interesting.

 

[maddog]

Anna, I just wanted to tell you how deeply I appreciate your candidness and honesty in talking about the realities of living with BPD. Your couple of posts above really moved me, they showed your reality so clearly, your victories and the things you still struggle with so hugely. It takes courage and extreme insight to articulate your reality in such a way, thank you for yours.

I have recently come to know several people with BPD and my entire perception of the illness has changed. I am rightly ashamed to confess that I, perhaps unconsciously but still very definitely, carried some of the stigmas of BPD with me and was weary and reluctant when I first learned that several of the people I was recently in-patient with were diagnosed with BPD. I was afraid of everything I thought I knew and scared of whether or not we could have safe and real relationships...

And then I got to know them, and I came to understand (to the extent that a non-sufferer can), and to glimpse into the psyche of the condition and all that it means.

I treasure some of those people now and let me state once more how rightly ashamed I am of my stigma. If nothing else, I have learned some much-needed lessons in humility for which I am deeply grateful.

I am a little afraid to send this and hope it comes across in the manner it is intended. I was just struck by your honesty, and how much it resonated with what I have come to know in my friends, and wanted to say thank you.

Maddog

 

[Abstract]

I actually agree with Maddog and also hope that it is not offensive in any way. I too have a friend who has fairly recently been diagnosed (a correct diagnoses) and it has changed the way I understood this condition.

And Anna I think you are courageous to approach your healing with such honesty and openness. From what I know there is excellent prognosis if someone is able to do that.

 

[Girl3]

I agree that labeling patients as "manipulative" isn't useful to the patient. As a medical student 20+ years ago we knew very little about BPD - including the gradations. Like some patients with BPD are more blatantly self-destructive than others.

But people who deal with BPD patients need to understand that they can be at times "manipulative" - the way small children can be. It isn't evil or Machiavellian. Sure it's a knee-jerk reaction, sure it may be subliminal.

My mother has used all sorts of behaviors - including faking illnesses - to get me to "do" exactly what she wants me to do. She had my father wrapped around her finger the way a three year old might. It didn't mean she was a bad person, and in retrospect, I understand a lot of her behavior was just her way of trying to get parenting. (Unfortunately for me, she was more into abusing me than abusing herself.) But part of my getting better has been to understand that when she threatened with whatever her latest threat would be, that my caving in to her "need" wasn't in either of our best interests.

She would call me multiple times during the day and leave frantic voice-mails while I would be trying to take care of patients. It culminated in my not speaking to her any more.

I'm glad you are getting help and are getting better. It is an awful illness to be saddled with - just like PTSD is an awful thing to be saddled with.

 

[Girl3]

And I especially like the second video.:tup:

 

[Unbelievable]

Hey, I didn't read the whole thread yet and maybe wont because its huge. I just wanted to say that older people are less likely to have been given treatment because back then, this mental health revolution was just starting and it was uncommon for people to seek help!

 

[Girl3]

I hope you do read it - even if it is huge.

But you're right - fewer people sought out treatment for a variety of reasons. Some had to do with the overt lack of science (no relieable way of diagnosing or treating people.) Some had to do with social reasons (families wanted to keep their skeletons in the closet.) Some things were seen as eccentric behaviors that might be acceptable within certain family limits - but nothing so severe as a "mental" illness.

Many people have access to mental health care that didn't exist 20 years ago.

 

[Ricanoland]

I have BPD and PTSD I was told BPD before PTSD, but Social Security says its PTSD while other doctors have called it both. It is very confusing to me, as it seems that they overlap incredibly. When I read online about BPD and then I read about PTSD they both make me go "haha, yea that is so me" it is possible to have both? even if they are so close in ways?

Ricanoland

 

[Unbelievable]

Many people have access to mental health care that didn't exist 20 years ago.

Perfectly put :)

 

[Abstract]

But people who deal with BPD patients need to understand that they can be at times "manipulative" - the way small children can be. It isn't evil or Machiavellian. Sure it's a knee-jerk reaction, sure it may be subliminal.

This is very true from I know. And I think very misunderstood. I think for some people it is conscious but for many it isnt and is just reactions to distress. But need help to stop using those methods to get their needs met. Which can be difficult as they are usually very effective ways to get others to meet their needs and so that encourages the behaviours to continue which isnt helpful to anyone.