About a month ago, my aunt was in town and we met for a nice lunch. My aunt was once married to my abuser. It's never been discussed between us.
Since then I spiralled out of control. I've avoided hospitalisation by seeing my GP twice per week.
I am having more flashbacks, but I think mostly the emotional kind if that makes any sense.
I'm drinking more to cope with what I can't cope with.
I'm also dissociating alot more then normal. I can understand some of the dissociation is happening when I'm drunk (specifically anger & lashing out).
But there is alot of normal every day dissociation. Writing emails, sending texts, facebook statues etc that I'm shocked to discover I have written. For the most part, there is nothing dramatic in them, the disturbing part for me is that when I read it, I have the sensation that someone else wrote it. Normally with my dissassociation, once I read it I'm like oh yeah I remember writing that now. But not lately.
I've been in touch with my psychiatrist again by phone. I wanted to discuss with him about who I should continue therapy with - my psychologist or my psychotherapist/GP. During this conversation he mentioned how 'fractured' he remembers I was. My psychologist has also commented on 'split off parts'.
I still don't really get what is happening for me, but more importantly I don't know how to stop it. I'm not consciously aware of doing it.
Since then I spiralled out of control. I've avoided hospitalisation by seeing my GP twice per week.
I am having more flashbacks, but I think mostly the emotional kind if that makes any sense.
I'm drinking more to cope with what I can't cope with.
I'm also dissociating alot more then normal. I can understand some of the dissociation is happening when I'm drunk (specifically anger & lashing out).
But there is alot of normal every day dissociation. Writing emails, sending texts, facebook statues etc that I'm shocked to discover I have written. For the most part, there is nothing dramatic in them, the disturbing part for me is that when I read it, I have the sensation that someone else wrote it. Normally with my dissassociation, once I read it I'm like oh yeah I remember writing that now. But not lately.
I've been in touch with my psychiatrist again by phone. I wanted to discuss with him about who I should continue therapy with - my psychologist or my psychotherapist/GP. During this conversation he mentioned how 'fractured' he remembers I was. My psychologist has also commented on 'split off parts'.
I still don't really get what is happening for me, but more importantly I don't know how to stop it. I'm not consciously aware of doing it.
