I went for my MRI today. Decided I didn't want to be under, couldn't handle the loss of control, so would try with anesthesia. They gave me a good dose of sedative to take a bit before and I did. It was a horrible experiece. The meds were in me- I needed assitance crossing the street and walking. I spaz out in the MRI. One set sounds like gunshots. I tore out backwards out of the macine breaking off the straps. One tech staid in the room with me, that helped til he was asking about trauma of being locked in a trunk and the shootings, I didn't know what to say so I answered his questions. Bad idea. I cried the whole time. They kept yelling at me for crying. I cried more because of that.
I sat outside to smoke. Someone in there commented on how I was being quiet. Yeah we don't f*cking know each other, it ain't camp, a work smoke break or anything more than a designated smoking area. That is all. I felt obligated to talk to people at that point tho. That made me more uncomfortable.
By the time I saw the doc, I was 98% dissociated. I remember bits, but not much. Came home- I think. May have gone someplace else. I feel like I did but idk where. But then slept for a bit at home... or maybe just laid here. May as well have been asleep tho I know I didn't sleep for all of it.
Didn't like the foggy nonexistant memory without a reason. I needed a reason. So a new friend came over with dope. Dope I know wipes your memory. I hate the shit,but it's my reason.
What I don't know is this- 1. shoud I go to the ER? I am debating going cuz during smoking and ever since I've had SEVERE chest pain- I've had my foot stepped on by a draft horse and if they stepped on my chest it probably wouldn't feel much different... it's deep and burning and sharp and intense. It's NOT anxiety. Me and anxiety pains are old friends. It is NOT that.
2. How much should I tell the ER? Do I go tonight, or in the morning? If I go tonight can they arrest me for being stoned? If I go tomorrow do I still have to tell them I was smoking? Can I get in trouble? Also... I was thinking of if I went asking them for the Plan B pill (if I don't go to the ER I will go to the walk in clinic tomorrow if they are open- if they are not, anyone know how soon after I have to take? I can maybe get it without a script but I'd rather have one sincethen it's free... but if the walk in clinic isn't open in time I may have to cuz I can't get that from the ER anyway), only if I go in for the chest pain,but would they just say go to my doc or the walk in clinic or can they just give me the script for that at the same time? They won't ask questions, will they? Cuz I don't want to tell them about how what happened with this guy tonight I never expected to happen, never wanted to happen, and it made tonight shittier. Whatever.
I sat outside to smoke. Someone in there commented on how I was being quiet. Yeah we don't f*cking know each other, it ain't camp, a work smoke break or anything more than a designated smoking area. That is all. I felt obligated to talk to people at that point tho. That made me more uncomfortable.
By the time I saw the doc, I was 98% dissociated. I remember bits, but not much. Came home- I think. May have gone someplace else. I feel like I did but idk where. But then slept for a bit at home... or maybe just laid here. May as well have been asleep tho I know I didn't sleep for all of it.
Didn't like the foggy nonexistant memory without a reason. I needed a reason. So a new friend came over with dope. Dope I know wipes your memory. I hate the shit,but it's my reason.
What I don't know is this- 1. shoud I go to the ER? I am debating going cuz during smoking and ever since I've had SEVERE chest pain- I've had my foot stepped on by a draft horse and if they stepped on my chest it probably wouldn't feel much different... it's deep and burning and sharp and intense. It's NOT anxiety. Me and anxiety pains are old friends. It is NOT that.
2. How much should I tell the ER? Do I go tonight, or in the morning? If I go tonight can they arrest me for being stoned? If I go tomorrow do I still have to tell them I was smoking? Can I get in trouble? Also... I was thinking of if I went asking them for the Plan B pill (if I don't go to the ER I will go to the walk in clinic tomorrow if they are open- if they are not, anyone know how soon after I have to take? I can maybe get it without a script but I'd rather have one sincethen it's free... but if the walk in clinic isn't open in time I may have to cuz I can't get that from the ER anyway), only if I go in for the chest pain,but would they just say go to my doc or the walk in clinic or can they just give me the script for that at the same time? They won't ask questions, will they? Cuz I don't want to tell them about how what happened with this guy tonight I never expected to happen, never wanted to happen, and it made tonight shittier. Whatever.
