Need Some Support

[Tinyflame]

ETA, it's like (in retrospect, though I don't see it at the time), I 'know' what triggered me- perhaps not specifically but what category it falls in to, as you said. Only to find some realization that is totally new. Another layer to the onion.

 

[sun seeker]

I know this is correct, but I have found what results in the circuits epically blowing is being triggered in an area I couldn't really identify/ realize/ admit to yet (on top of the rest), something I haven't even considered.

Thanks for clarifying. So you're suggesting that these huge meltdowns could point to a trigger I'm not aware of.

I'm thinking. I actually can pinpoint the incident that got the snowball rolling. It was relatively minor but activated a few of my main categories of trauma at one time. I think back to it and it makes sense that I would have been triggered. What I'm less clear on is why I kept on being so activated after the original incident was supposedly resolved. I never went back to my baseline afterwards, and I'm not really sure why.

This would be worth bringing up at my next session and exploring. Thanks for pointing it out.

 

[sun seeker]

p.s. Thank you for sharing that about Hallowe'en. I have Hallowe'en issues too, though it doesn't seem to be as big for me as some of the other major holidays. I seem to remember commiserating with you last year around Christmas. Sometimes a time capsule would come in handy, so we could just skip over certain dates and move on!

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh, hee. That's sweet @sun seeker . I hope (we) are able to do better next time! :) :hug:

Yes perhaps a new trigger, or, perhaps a belief.

For example, going several years knowing about the trauma, thinking such-and-such: anniversary dates, etc, whatever, fairly obvious things. Then one year woops- a different detail focused on -this makes me to blame, etc.

I think when it comes to SI it has to be pretty severe: is it triggering because/ in the form of self-blame, or what reality (perceived) that mentally justifies it as the 'better' (or only) choice (than living?) The answers might lead back to the past or current beliefs.

 

[sun seeker]

This comes at a good time, thanks again @Junebug. I know I'm getting into some trauma work where we're working on things so closely entwined in my being that I'm really struggling to identify them. Sigh. My abusers were pretty thorough. But my will to overcome is stronger. ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

:hug: 's @sun seeker yes. Also maybe these things have silver linings. In the sense that it was time to make a crisis plan or discuss it further.

Hope you can sleep! Just tell yourself you're 'lying down..' ;)

:hug: :hug:

 

[UniqueSunflower]

I can remember my days in early recovery when I felt like therapy was never going to take hold. Eventually it did and despite the set backs, I was always making a few steps forward despite how small they felt. I am sending good thoughts and energy your way. :hug: