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Needing An Escape Route

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iwannadeletethis

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Oh escape route, you and I are the oldest of friends! Though, I'm never happy to see you. Lol

I'm hoping I won't need it, but it's looking like I will. I'm calling around trying to get a job over seas.

I gave my man an altumatum last night. The verbal abuse has to stop, or I'm out of here. He seemed to understand, but I believe he is another(drum roll please)

Narsisist.

I attract em like flies. I did enough research to find out why I do so MAYBE just maybe I can start a life somewhere with friends who don't just need me to feed their ego.

Notice I said friends, because I'm sick of thinking I find someone "special" only to find out that they're using me for an energy source. This sickest con in life.

So, after all of this energy sucking, I (as softly as I can) relay to my guy "I don't feel appreciated". So he starts going off on how I can't handle his kids or his life. And throwing my past in my face like it was the opposite of epic. You have to understand: I've basically become his personal assistant, because he can't handle his own life. I got here out of my old definition of love, only to find out my tanks empty. Relationships run off give and take and I'm selling my soul for room and board.

...

Awkward. So here I am, collecting myself again. I'm going to do things all day that he doesn't approve of. Lol. Things he won't let me do than gets angry for me not having my own life.

Tragic.

I wish you could see how much I'm laughing
 
Oh my you have described my life!!

My "other half" is away on another adventure, and I sent him a lovely saucy pic last week, early in the morning, just to be told in the evening that I was ignoring him and being dismissive!

He has now blamed his behaviour on his illness, but stands by the fact that I have not given him enough, and I am exhausted over how much I have given along with my own working life.

So yesterday, after a long text from him explaining that I have put too much pressure on him (hold on last week I was ignoring you) I decided enough is enough.

I love him, and appreciate his illness, however I too have run out of gas....

<3
 
And yes saying it makes me feel terrible


Hugs to you if you'll take them!! I get upset with mine because I pour into his life. His kids his home. I was trying to be super helpful until I got a paycheck. He lets me live with him rent free and eat his food. But he doesn't do anything with my life. He refuses to learn how to care for someone with PTSD and he backs away and gets cold when I'm upset instead of giving me a hug or something which leaves me with this feeling of abandonment. I feel used and unloved. And when I break down or just tell him what I need he says terrible things to me. His excuse is that he's angry. I would just leave and crash on the beach but that's dangerous for a tiny woman. And I want a purpose. But in my inbetweens I'm still trying to make it work. I keep hoping that I'm wrong.
 
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