I haven’t really told my friends about our relationship. Mostly because he’s still married and I’m ashamed of my position in this situation. I never imagined I’d be the other woman. I definitely deserve to have friends. It is unfair for him to decide that my friends should only be women. Especially since I’m a tomboy. I’ve always gotten along with men better than women. I understand that being completely sober could be perceived as being healthier than smoking pot. But if my coping mechanism reduces my anxiety, depression and pain, is it really healthier to not cope? I can see both sides to the cannabis coin. But I have benefited greatly from having it.This though ^^^
This reads as a sign of someone who has internalised someone else's (controlling and manipulative) narrative. What issues have you exactly caused him?!
Where are you in this equation with him?
What about what you deserve? Which is to have friends, smoke weed or not (your choice - if he doesn't want to be with someone smoking weed he can leave), do what you want.
Do you have friends you can talk this over with? Are they worried about how he treats you?