Needing Help With My Stress And My Temper

[Grama-Herc]

I am normally a fairly even tempered person and really have never had an anger issue, until NOW! The longer my stress level stays up the, shorter my fuse is getting. It seems like I am now constantly pissed and I can't seem to contol it any more.

My pissy atitude is directed towards my mom and I'm not happy about this at all. She is getting on my last nerve, but it is not her fault. I am so stressed over caring for her and all the responsibility that goes along with it, that I am having trouble controling my anger. I am snapping at everyrhing she says or does and my patience is GONE!!!!

I realize that I "bought the ticket for this ride", but what I did not count on was her fall and resulting serious injury/surgery/memory loss/weakness and the level of her "needs".

Having my mom live with me is not a situation I can change nor do I want to change it. We were doing fantastic before she fell. This stress/anger is my issue. I feel like I've never had the chance to recover from the terror of her fall and resulting surgery, etc.

I emailed my sister and begged--yes begged--her to come down and relieve me. Nope, she can't do it. There is also the possibility that she simply won't do it, and I think it is also possible that she just does not want to. We are not very close and she has some unknown issue with mom ??? So now I am dealing with anger AND resentment. Feel like my head is going to explode any minute and I don't know what to do.

So folks, I am open to any suggestions of how to relieve my stress &/or controll my temper. I am not myself right now and just want to get back to where I was last summer. Stress is such a strong influence on our emotions and right now it is in control of my temper and my patience, so I am open to any suggestion anyone has to help me destress or any hints I can use to control my temper.

 

[onebravegirl]

Anger/rage is a normal and healthy part of the Process. There may be a small part of you feeling victimized right now. That stupid doctor Phil-I can't stand him most of the time- said it well. "When you are angry, that is when you are playing the victim the most". Sometimes we have a right to play the victim. BUT, Anger needs to serve with a purpose for it to be a valuable tool for you.
You have a right to be angry. I understand that you don't want to take it out on your Mom, and again that is a healthy thing for you to have noticed. It shows that you are not trying to miss-direct it. So ask yourself...Where does the anger deserve to belong? Who should it be directed at? Venting/yelling/talking or typing will slowly ease this anger. But, aside from PTSD sometimes we just plain have the right to be Pissed at someone. Who?
O
Ps- If it helps, mis-direct it at me. Send me a raging PM!

 

[Grama-Herc]

Aside from being angry at the circumstances mothers' fall has place us is, I am so angry at my sister that I can barely see. I wrote her an email earlier this week BEGGING her to come down and give me some relief---a break---a chance to go visit my only grandbaby and my daughter (she recently returned to my life after not speaking to me for 12 years.)

I am angry at her for not coming to see mother in the last 20 years. I am mad at her for the way she ignores my mother. I am angry that mother has a grandson she has not seen since he was a baby and he is now in college I am angry that the bitch didn't even call mother on Christmas Day. But then she does not call mother on her birthday or mother's day.

The pain I see in my mothers eyes when the subject of my sister comes up rips my heart out. I will never forgive her for that pain. She is so selfish it is unreal. I am not an angel and have caused mother my fair share of hurt, note I said hurt. At least I have always given mother the respect she deserves. I have never hurt mother like my bitch sister has. Hey, the ole lady is 85, far from perfect, but she does not deserve the treatment she is receiving from my sister.

Can you tell who I am angry at now???????? LOL I resent my sister for not helping with mother. I only want a dam week off. I would not be so pissed, but she had already to me she was gonna come down to see mom and relieve me so I could go see my grandbaby. It hurts to have that carrot dangled in front of me and not let me have it. Just plain cruel, IMHO.

Breathe------Breathe-----BREATHE

 

[onebravegirl]

Knowing who it is that the anger is for is huge. I mention this so that you can gage your progress with PTSD. Remember the days when you have no idea what you felt or why?
Good for you!
Your situation with your sister is so simular to mine. My sister is heartless with my Mother. My mother is no peach, but shes not as feirce as she used to be. But, I have had the advantage of Therapy and my sister never did. PTSD taught me how to deal with my parents rather than avoid or hurt them. I imagine that my sister has CPTSD just like me but hers has never been addressed. There but for the grace of God go I.
My sister doen't upset me as much anymore. Her shit is her shit, and I don't need to revisit the pile to know it still stinks.
Can I ask, does your sister know that you are dealing with PTSD? I wondered if your family Doc/ or private Therapist as the case may be could recommend to your sister that You REALLY need her support with your Mom. Sometimes the pressence of a Medical authority helps family see the validity of you needs.
Thinking of you today,
O

 

[goingonhope]

I recently learned the differences in definition between anger, aggression and hostility when researching up on ADHD.

Anger being a normal emotion, and aggression and hostilities a whole different ballgame and learned. So what I suggest Grama Herc is that We breath, disengage, (practice), breath, disengage, (practice) and so forth on an on until we're beat down into a sense of acceptance, or at least further exhaustion and perhaps rest as opposed to collapse.

Have been learning that anger, and what can both follow and lead to, (that being aggression & hostility) can become addictive for people with ADHD, and so it would seem just as possibly addictive to those of us with PTSD.

Practice what? Those answers vary from person to person and in determining what works for us and promotes our equilibrium. Could be meditation, music, prayer, helping someone, a shower, walk, and on and on, but we do practice, practice, practice, and it must be something other then hostility.

Ask of yourself.......Why is it that I expect anything like this from my sister when she hasn't visited our mother in twenty yrs. Why?

Grama Herc, Yes, all-around reality just simply bites. Whether it be her lack of value behind or inability to keep a promise, or our expectations.

Whatever we practice we strengthen in our minds.

So after breathing and disengaging know ahead of time just what to practice that works for you.

Also, My honest suggestion from the experience of not doing so enough, both you and I need time off from the forum. You've probably taken this suggestion before, but it's a reoccurring recommendation.

Me, I've not done so well in doing so for any significant length of time, but step-by-step improving.

When we're overly stressed something that can be stressful, and whatever it is must go for a time; We certainly don't want it to be our very basic needs.

Please Take Care,

Hope

 

[onebravegirl]

When dealing with stupid and selfish people I remind myself of the saying "When people show you who they are, believe them".
I had to ask myself why my sister, mother, father's behavior continually shocked me. The shock was more upsetting than the actual actions.
I realized tha I didn't need to put myself through the shock. It wasn't a surprise that they acted that way...it was how they have always been.
I just needed to accept that this is who they have chosen to be. I did not have to like it, but I could just let it be their problem not mine any more.
O

 

[Grama-Herc]

Time off of the forum??? Maybe you are right, BUT, where am I going to vent???

 

[onebravegirl]

Time off of the forum??? Maybe you are right, BUT, where am I going to vent???

That was my thought too!
O

 

[blueangel371115]

I am so angry these days. At myself and others. I even rant at my pets. It's sad. I have a hard time dealing with it. Not to mention, I hate to cry.