Negative core belief/cognition - "i am wasting my time/life"

[Deleted member 28942]

Hi,

After the last two sessions, this negative core belief surfaced: "I am wasting my time/life". I realized that this causes a lot of my anxiety. I constantly see everything as a waste of my time/life unless I am 100% productive. This stops me from doing things I enjoy, spending time with friends, just relaxing.

I will talk to my therapist about this next session and probably we will do some EMDR or some experiential thing. However, do you have any suggestions what the positive core belief can/should be?
I am thinking:
"I have the right to decide how I want to spend my time"
"I have the right to take time to enjoy and relax"

Any other suggestions?

Thank You,
UniversalBeing

 

[Friday]

 

[Kodah]

I have a husky pup. He only has 15 or less years on this planet. His focus is on being happy, having fun, and being with friends and family as those are the most important things in life besides bacon and a stick or rope or bone to chew on!

 

[illusionist]

Taking the time for chill out is a vital part of my self care...I am giving my body and mind ' nourishment ' .

 

[Go Hungry]

Well, I don't have a slogan for you, but I can sympathize. I'm 40 years old and have no clue what I'm doing. I have no idea what I -should- be doing. Nothing. So I often feel as if I'm wasting my time. Like Friday nights for instance. For the past five years I've been getting together and playing table-top games over the internet with distant friends. Which is fine and all, but of late it has gotten tedious (and somebody had a hissy fit the other night) and has me wondering... What else could I be doing with Friday nights? For the longest time the answer was nothing, because I was so broke that I had no other options... That's changed. Yet still I remain.

Anyways... yes. I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing. I have no lover, no kids, no house.. Basically nothing that I feel like I -should- have accomplished in life by now. It's caused me a lot of negative self-blame. But I moved recently, and got another car, and so it's like I've got a nice, new chance at life. I have options now. Choices to make, if I want... It just depends on what I want, and whether I'm willing to reach for it.

Maybe that's what you should try and do... Figure out what your options are, and look into something new instead of bashing yourself. Okay.. here's a slogan for you..

"I am not restricted to who I have been in the past." What do you think? :)

 

[Changing4Best]

In the past I have believed I've been wasting my time and my life away, but recently I don't feel that anymore.

One of the most important things I have had happen in my life recently is that I have made some new friends and we talk about all sorts of things, listen and learn new things and play games together, eat meals together and just have fun sometimes. Friendship is a very valuable thing to me and whenever I have had good friends in my life I have been happy and felt my life was worth living and was fun.

 

[The Albatross]

"I can make choices that are not 100% productive. When I choose leisure activities or interests, relaxation, or social activities, I am restoring balance in my life and balance is a good thing. It's my life and I'll live it without apologies... even and especially to MYSELF."???

 

[Friday]

Don't know if you're into music at all... But that's another avenue: music without rests? Is simply noise. The silences are as important as the sounds.

Music = Sound + Silence


Same token, to put your core belief to use? ;) Rests & variability are key to efficient & productive use of time. I can burn out my team by demanding 100% of them, all the time. Or I can be extremely productive by building in breaks & changes of pace... As well as keep them fresh & motivated by looking at the goal, not with blinders on, but in total. I think of it more as a synergistic approach, rather than holistic or balanced. As adding the different components, creates not just more productive time in one area, but a far more vibrant life. The sum is equal to more than the whole of its parts!

Synergy : 1+1= 3


One last one... That ties I to the synergy one above :sneaky:

Prove you're not a robot.

 

[Ronin]

Rest is preparation.

It's making sure you can be effective to the degree you want/need.

Rest is also a time you can come to many creative solutions. It saves time.

Also, when you rest, you're learning how to be with the most important person of your life: you. Being able to be with you can make one a great host with others.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I have learned of late from Jon Kabat-Zinn and other spiritual leaders that meditation is about acknowledging being a human 'being' and present in the moment instead of a human 'doing'. This year has been instrumental to healing by putting myself on the map.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thank you for all your responses. I gain some more insight into my issue. I remembered more stuff. When I was a kid I loved arts and crafts. I was really good at it. They were my form of spirituality. I felt connected to the universe and everything around me. However, my parents repeatedly told me that I am wasting my time and that arts and crafts are stupid. They told me I am not a little child anymore. I started hating that part of me. Nowadays, I get the urge to do something creative and when I try doing it I feel like it is a waste of time and that it is stupid and I give up.

Also, whenever I made friends and we started doing things together hanging out etc. my parents would jump in to ruin it. My father would sit me down and give me a pep talk how I am wasting my life with them. They are not worth it and I should focus on school and being productive. Again, the message don't waste your time. My mom would do similar stuff and tell me how stupid my friends are.

I learned to hate that part of myself and whenever I meet people that like me because of my creativity I try to push that away to brush it off.

I am crying right now. I really hate them for everything they did to me.

My therapist is helping me to connect with that creative side of me. I loved it so much. I can remember sitting in my room, listening music, while it is raining outside and doing some crafts that I enjoyed. I felt whole. Not like now split into pieces.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I am crying right now. I really hate them for everything they did to me.

(((hugs))) I am sorry for your pain.