Nervous About "Qualifying"

[hoper1642]

I've felt for some time that I have PTSD or at least a significant amount of PTSD symptomology…hyper-vigilance, heightened startle response, nightmares, depression and anxiety. Always attributed it (or had others both professional and non-professional) attribute to other things, like major depression, GAD, social phobia, etc.

Somehow the notion of traumatic stress, and the profile of people with it, seem to make more sense. Have suffered because there was no overt physically life-threatening incident, and have been invalidated again both by professionals and non-professionals alike when raising the subject (although not in *every* single case to be absolutely honest). Think this played into a generally invalidating family context, combined with a fear of "madness" (have older brother diagnosed as schizo-affective), so I've spent a lot of time "chasing down" other symptoms/diagnoses/etc., trying to "fix" myself at that level.

Ran across this site because I was searching for (physical i.e. non-online) support groups for PTSD, I go to other ones but again I think this would be like getting to the essence of the problem. Unfortunately for whatever reason PTSD support groups seem to be thin on the ground (at least or especially for non-veterans). Sometimes think about going to see a trauma specialist but am so gun-shy about being challenged or invalidated I don't know if I can do it.

(In a nutshell what I would call my traumatic experience was my older brother having a psychotic breakdown while I was in college; my parents absolutely freaked out and tried to completely take over my life, while sacrificing me anytime his well-being was threatened. This happened at a time while I was very stressed out at college itself, and struggling with certain things, sort of like at my hour of greatest need was when I got dropped like a hot potato by my support system and I feel that it was a sort of psychosocial or psycho-emotional trauma. I've been nervous and insecure and many other things ever since oh yeah I lost my ability to think ahead--read that was called "foreshortened sense of future" or something similar.)

Also I haven't been able to focus or concentrate very well for many years, I used to be very good at it and very successful in school (went to competitive private school).

P.S. I've living in rural Pennsylvania with my mother and brother currently (I know I know) but thinking of moving to the outskirts of either Boston or New York, part of the reasoning is finding the best MH resources for myself (of which a support group for PTSD would be a part). (The Trauma Center in Brookline looks very good online, I would be definitely try to get involved in their yoga program.)

 

[amethist]

Hi Hoper1642

Welcome to the forum.

I am not sure if you could class the expereinces you had as a cause for ptsd. so maybe it would be a good idea to try and get to see a specialist who can confirm or not if this is the case. It is definatly not a good idea to self diagnose with this.

In the mean time you are welcome to read all you can, just in case.

Amethist

 

[Hocking]

Amethist is right hoper you need a definite diagnosis. But I will tell you this ; many of the symptoms you list are so similar to mine. Especially the startle responce seems to be increasing. But that's just a passing event.

 

[hoper1642]

I've actually gotten a diagnosis of PTSD but it came years ago from a psychologist who more or less asked me what diagnosis *I* thought fit best and I said PTSD and she said she would put that down on the insurance form. (So I feel uncertain about whether it could be a considered a "true" or "official" diagnosis, of which I've been "blessed" with dysthymia, major depression, GAD, and social phobia.)

Having said that I think it can be a mistake to overidealize mental health professionals and "official" diagnoses (after all PTSD has only "officially" existed since 1980; did people not have "it" before then?). Of course there are dangers in self-diagnosis, but IMO the same can be said for overreliance on professionals and professionals' ways of defining our experience(s).

(So I guess I feel like enough of the PTSD symptomotology seems to fit that I wouldn't have registered and posted to this board although it's still up to the moderators to decide on whether that's sufficient for them.)

 

[tryintobreathe]

Hi...can you go to a therapist for a real diagnosis? As you said, your therapist put in PTSD for insurance purposes. It would be most helpful to you to get a proper diagnosis so you can begin your healing journey.

Jen

 

[hoper1642]

Well I may have slightly exaggerated her behavior insofar as I don't think it was *purely* for insurance purposes, I don't think she would have put something down that was completely far afield, in retrospect I also think she was doing it to make me feel empowered and less like I was getting diagnosed/defined by someone with power over me.

I guess I'm also "nervous about 'qualifying'" with a "real" professional...I feel like I've gotten some invalidating responses in the past when I've broached the subject with therapists, it's made me more gun-shy about bringing it up I think. (Also with a family member who basically accused me of being weak and self-pitying.)

 

[Midnight]

Finding the right forum

PTSD support groups seem to be thin on the ground (at least or especially for non-veterans)

I totally hear you. I was also looking for an online support group that didn't just cater to vets. As for the invalidation, I am sorry to hear that! I hope that you are able to find the help that you need!

 

[suzie q]

Hello there hoper and welcome to the forum.

After reading your posts I wanted to say that being validated is very important to me. I have a history of so many different diagnosis and have tried so many different medications that I almost gave up after all the years of looking for help. All I knew was that things weren't right in my head or with my reactions in life. For me, it took what it took.

I finally met up with the right people to help me, and as a team, they came up with a plan that put me on the road to recovery. I had to swallow quite a bit of crap to get to the problem. All I knew was that I didn't want to continue living with something I didn't understand. At one point I got to the place where I didn't care what they called it, I just wanted to know how to fix it.

My gut told me of things I knew weren't right and I continued to search for the answers. This forum is a place to search and work. If your gut is telling you something, please investigate until you get an answer. Trying to diagnose yourself is something most of us can never do. It is also dangerous to be treated for the wrong ailment. Never give up and search for experts to help you with your symptoms. Some mental health symptoms mimic each other, so I encourage you to stay on your road to finding out what is wrong. There is no "quick fix" in any of these problems, so hang tight. :thumbs-up