Relationship New And Looking For Anyone Who Wants To Help!

[KatieHopes]

Exactly , nail on the head! Informed advice is why everyone's here. You're so right, though, there's always going to be a limit/ not enough information. That's a reasonable assessment .. I agree with you, people only know what you volunteer. But, I guess I thought it went without saying that there are limitations as to how much a person can reasonably volunteer to justify themselves. You are totally right, though. .if you are on a forum, a broad spectrum of replies should be anticipated.

I just figure people are hardest on themselves. Support ccomes in many forms and your input provides balance.

 

[rightkindofme]

My informed advice after a lifetime is when a relationship looks like that, run. It won't get better, only worse. Up thread you thought that was unsupportive. I want her to be in a relationship where someone can pay attention to her and do as he promises all the time. Not just on good days.

I am cold and heartless. I think that if someone is a jerk they have to get used to being lonely. They can blame it on their PTSD if they want but the simple truth is they are a jerk. Not everyone with PTSD acts like that so it is probably optional on some level.

What you accept teaches people what you will permit. Why should he change? Apparently he can do a lot of things and brush them off and still be told he is a great guy. Why in the world would he want to change? His shtick is working, he gets to treat women badly and then when the women get sick of it he can blame them for being mean to him. Perfect set up.

 

[KatieHopes]

Oh...I was concerned that our friend ended up in the position of debating whether hers was a rebound relationship.

Your sharing is an important piece of the puzzle and your route could quite possibly be the only way out.

I'm sorry for what you've experienced and for what has troubled you in life. It's been tough for you, but, you show recovery being possible.

 

[rightkindofme]

She pretty clearly doesn't think it is a rebound. :) That's cool. My opinions isn't right just cause I have it. :)

It is always ok to ignore idiots on the internet. :)

 

[KatieHopes]

Ha! Happy Friday .. bless ya. Tough pill to swallow but, you add value in terms of how to survive

 

[nursenurse]

I am finding some people to be so defensive. We are here to help because we have all been there, done that. The same story seems to ring true again and again with a lot of the new posters, and no amount of anyone wishing they will get the answers they want will make the situation any less painful or right. We aren't here to rain on anyone's parade. We sometimes see that folks need a reality check. If that sounds cold and cruel, well, that's fine, as long as it gets you thinking with your head and not your heart. I for one will not apologize for calling a spade a spade. And I will never sugar coat anything.

And by the way, it was a rebound relationship. Full throttle after a few weeks? "Just" being out of a ten year relationship? Instantly fell in love? Then what do you do? All the things you should have done to see if you would fall in love the right way in the first place? That's not PTSD, that's just plain common sense.

Should you dump him? Only you know for sure. You cannot ensure anything about him taking care of himself. It is not your place to do so, it makes you co dependent and an enabler. Get busy with your own life and being the best that you can be. In any relationship, you need this. It's hard, I'm doing it, I know. If it is meant to be, he will come around. In the meantime, you do not want to dig yourself into a hole that will become increasingly difficult to climb your way out of. And just remember, love is the most misused word in the English language. One way or the other, you will get through. I wish you the best with whatever you decide.

 

[KatieHopes]

Nursenurse makes a good point ...nobody benefits if both people are in a hole. At least one person benefits when you care for yourself.

 

[standingstrong]

Yes I can see why you would think it was a rebound relationship...If it was I would have seen that right away being that I have been there before.. He does not treat me bad he's just not a perfect bf... but who is?

I chose to deal with his ups and downs in the beginning of this relationship. I chose to take things that most women would walk away from, does that make me a doormat? maybe but in my eyes no. He shows great appreciation for my patients for him and how hes never recieved that. I have the right to walk away anytime and because he loves me the way he does i won't. No boyfriend is going to be perfect and the fact that he has ptsd just makes it harder.

Yes when we have gotten in an argument in the past he has taken the reigns on when we will talk about it for the most part but thats because I am ready right now and want answers right now. If I push that he pushes away because one, he can't handle the pressure and two, he needs time to come down from anger and try to organize his emotions correctly. I don't need that but some people do.

Yes I could expect more from him and sometimes I do but I also have to learn that I am not going to be treated like royalty everyday for the rest of my life. I still get treated great and I still get shown that I am loved it is just not always in the fashion I want. Someday I just want to understand how to deal with the hiding sometimes and how to understand when he tells me he opened up and wrote me a letter and its filled with love and compassion and deep true feelings of love and wanting a future.. Should I blame it on being over emotional and PTSD being prevalent or do I trust that its true he just needs to fight his battle to get better like he says....