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Supporter New Here And Lost..

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Ataloss

New Here
Hello..
I am new to this site, but not new to the world of PTSD. In 2009 my then 10 year old daughter told me that she has been being sexually abused by a relative who lived with us. She was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD, Depression and Anxiety. After about 2 years we had gotten symptoms under control and she was doing great. No more meds, and was free from counseling. The abuser got 6 years in state prison.
Jump forward to 2014 when she was 15. She and her brothers best friend (of 7 years) decided that they wanted to "date". Due to an age difference, my husband and I sat them down and laid out the terms of what this "dating" was allowed to entail. The biggest thing was no sexual activity as she wasn't of age, but they could hang out, go to movies etc. We trusted this boy implicitly as we had watched him grow up and he was practically family. Over the next year and a half they dated, but that came to an end memorial day of this year. They had gotten into a fight and our daughter let us know that he had been abusing her throughout the whole relationship pushing her, choking her, and locking her in her bedroom with him in the middle of the night whenever they fought. We put an end to the relationship right there and cut off all contact between the two of them. He and his mother didn't think that was right and started harassing her to get back with him due to his mental health status and threats of suicide.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and looking back I should have realized that something was wrong when around Christmas time all her symptoms came back full force. Anxiety, PTSD and a severe bout of depression that preceded counseling starting again. She then abruptly stopped going and downright refused to go without any reason given. Come to find out after contact was severed that he had told her that the relative that abused her lived near her counselor.
Fast forward to June of this year and she informed us that not only was the abuse physical but also sexual. She is back in counseling and the ex has been arrested on statutory rape charges and disseminating inappropriate videos to a minor. They couldn't go for the full on rape due to the time period over which it occurred and proof. The DA didn't want to put my daughter through testifying and getting ripped apart by the defense attorney.
My issue now is how can I help her. She is a very strong willed, amazing, smart 17 year old who is insisting that she doesn't want to take any medications other than her SSRI that she is already on. She is having nightmares, hearing his voice saying he will get her right before she falls asleep, and daily flashbacks. Moving out of our house isn't and option. She had surgery recently and has missed counseling for a few weeks. I am working in getting her into her counselor asap.. I am here to listen and support as much as she will let me. I just don't know what else to do...
 
Your doing the right thing. Your supporting her, helping her make appointments. Be there when she needs to talk. Ask what she needs and wants. Your a good mom, just remember that. Sending:hug:'s if except.
 
Thank you mytime.. I feel guilty as all hell that this happened to her a second time, and am working through that. There are times when she just shuts down to everyone and it kills me.
 
It's always hard, being a supporter and seeing the person we love shut down. All we can do is let them know, we're here for them with no judgement. If your comfortable, share this site with her. We do have members her age. I know they would step up to support her, along with everyone else here:) Wishing you the best and here to support you:)
 
I am so sorry your daughter has been through all this, Ataloss. And I'm sorry for you, too, as I know it's really hard to figure out how to support someone through this. But I think you are doing all the right things for her. Therapy is essential. A trauma specialist would be best. They may be hard to find, especially if you don't live in a big metro area, but they are out there. I live in a really rural town and just got lucky to be assigned to a trauma specialist. Just, fyi, her opinion, bolstered by lots of recent studies, is that talking through the trauma might just help retraumatize a person, so she is up on techniques to physically help heal the traumatized brain. Involves no talk therapy much, just enough to give the therapist a good sense of the person's traumatic background, which is necessary, so they know what they are dealing with. For my part, I wrote out a list of all my traumas and emailed it to my therapist, which I think saved a lot of time and also spared me from having to talk about them all.
 
Your daughter and your family have been through a lot - I feel for all of you. I agree in that your being with her in this journey speaks volumes. Sometimes we want to help and assist in other ways though the more we do that, sometimes it's counterproductive in that we end up getting pushed away. As long as she knows you love her unconditionally despite her symptoms, she'll instinctively know you're there for her. The more she can feel empowered to come to you as needed, the better. ;)
 
Welcome to the forum. :hug:

I think it's great that you're being a supportive parent and reaching out for help. She is lucky to have you to help her through her healing journey.
 
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