Sufferer New Here, Coming From Repetitive Childhood Trauma

[Alaska_Fears]

Hello, hello.

I'm obviously new here. Looking for help.

From the time I was born, till about when I turned ten, I witnessed my mother physically abusing my brother many many many times. When I turned about eight or nine, my mother began emotionally/verbally abusing me. Flashbacks started when I was about eleven.

I was raped when I was maybe five or six - I don't remember much of it, or who it was, but it was a repressed memory that came back after some triggers. I have a fear of being alone with men (except for close family/boyfriend). I get paranoid in crowds and I have intense flashbacks of it as well.

Witnessing the physical abuse plays a bigger role in my PTSD than the rape - it traumatized me more, probably because I remember it much more vividly than the rape.

My PTSD has only gotten worse over the years. I'm not currently seeing anyone or going under any treatment. I'm just trying to find how to avoid it, or cope with it better.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Good morning Alaska,

Great that you have come on here. I too suffered multiple abuse from the age of two. I have started visualising it all in words by writing my abuses down. Not in graphic ddetail but the situations as they were. I am finding this a great comfort to me. You really needbro at least consider a therapist to help you with the flashbacks. Maybe try writing down what situations, smells, people trigger you and then you may Luke me feel easier thinking about and processing the abuse consciously instead of fearing them.

Big hugs from the UK xx
Laurie

 

[Alaska_Fears]

Laurie,

Thank you for the reply. I will be seeing a psychiatrist soon, some time in July.
I also write down the experiences - what I write is more of an impulse than anything, and it's graphic, but it does comfort me.

 

[ms spock]

Hi Alaska and Welcome to the Forum.

I feel for what you have lived through. I suffered through a family where there was no safety and much abuse.

There are many good people here with many experiences and strategies for healing.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Alaska_Fears,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

Journaling is a great way to confront the past, and work through the emotions, and lessen their hold on the present. Many members here have diaries on this site where they do just that. I hope you find the information and support here helpful as you work on healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[sessie]

Welcome and I'm glad you're seeking out help here. There is comfort in finding others who know what you're going through!

 

[Loloma]

Hello and welcome to the PTSD forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[shoulderblades]

*gentle hugs if you want them* You've gone through an awful lot. You're in a safe space here to talk about whatever you need to address - the more you get it out into the open, the easier it becomes to talk about it and process it. Welcome to the forum. :)