Untempered Hope
New Here
I'm new to this forum, after finally deciding that yes, I need help with this, and it isn't getting better on its own. To make a long story short:
I was in a bad car accident in which a driver (supposedly drunk, though never charged) was doing around 80 mph, hydroplaned, and hit me head-on on a bridge/highway. I was alone in my truck, driving, and was told that if I hadn't been in the truck, I likely would have died. As it was they had to use the jaws of life on the other car. I suffered a head injury, though it wasn't known at the time, which led to post-concussion syndrome. I have pretty bad memory loss which still affects me, migraines, and a whole slew of other symptoms including extreme, constant fatigue and stuttering/speech confusion. I went through speech therapy and had to re-learn how to run. (Thankfully I could walk, but my balance was affected so badly that running was impossible for a while).
I'm a college student, and the accident occurred a week after school had gotten out for the summer. I was told that returning to school would be next to impossible at first, but I did progress very quickly and felt that going back to school was actually something I needed to do. The horse I had been riding was back at school, and the last thing I needed was to sit home for a semester or more. So I came back.
I've been blessed with some incredibly understanding teachers who go above and beyond to check up on me and make sure I'm doing okay. One talked me through a panic attack when it came time to go back on the highway to head home after a school concert. Another sends me frequent emails when I need to miss class to check up on me and remind me that it takes time to get better. I bought the horse I adored (my first) a year to the day of the accident. That's been a huge step in the right direction.
However, I'm still struggling. I have had vivid nightmares every night since the accident. They're not necessarily about the accident, but they're about things that could feasibly happen, and they make sense. I can go to sleep for a half an hour and have a nightmare. The feeling they leave me with often stays with me for hours, if not for the entire day. Last week I stayed up all night to avoid the nightmares, because the one I had had that morning was so frightening and made me feel so terrible that I just needed a break from it all. Well, I got my break from it (by not sleeping) but I had to go through my entire day of school without any sleep. The sad thing is that I felt better emotionally than I have in a long time - though I was exhausted physically.
I still get migraines, and my memory is still terrible. I'm tired of this, and it's affecting my social life - right now there's a party going on in the other side of my apartment, but I'm in my room. Driving on the highway is terrifying, as is driving when the roads are wet. I still cannot bring myself to be the passenger in a car on a highway - if I'm driving, I can deal with it though I don't like to.
It's now been more than a year and a half since the accident. I'm tired of this, the symptoms and the nightmares. I know now that this is a problem, and am hoping to gain some advice from the members here, even if that advice is to only keep moving on. Please tell me this gets better - I never dreamed I'd be here in my senior year of college. I'm supposed to be applying to grad schools right now - but I'm hesitant to do so if I have to meet all new teachers and explain any of this to them for any reason. I'm tired of it.
I was in a bad car accident in which a driver (supposedly drunk, though never charged) was doing around 80 mph, hydroplaned, and hit me head-on on a bridge/highway. I was alone in my truck, driving, and was told that if I hadn't been in the truck, I likely would have died. As it was they had to use the jaws of life on the other car. I suffered a head injury, though it wasn't known at the time, which led to post-concussion syndrome. I have pretty bad memory loss which still affects me, migraines, and a whole slew of other symptoms including extreme, constant fatigue and stuttering/speech confusion. I went through speech therapy and had to re-learn how to run. (Thankfully I could walk, but my balance was affected so badly that running was impossible for a while).
I'm a college student, and the accident occurred a week after school had gotten out for the summer. I was told that returning to school would be next to impossible at first, but I did progress very quickly and felt that going back to school was actually something I needed to do. The horse I had been riding was back at school, and the last thing I needed was to sit home for a semester or more. So I came back.
I've been blessed with some incredibly understanding teachers who go above and beyond to check up on me and make sure I'm doing okay. One talked me through a panic attack when it came time to go back on the highway to head home after a school concert. Another sends me frequent emails when I need to miss class to check up on me and remind me that it takes time to get better. I bought the horse I adored (my first) a year to the day of the accident. That's been a huge step in the right direction.
However, I'm still struggling. I have had vivid nightmares every night since the accident. They're not necessarily about the accident, but they're about things that could feasibly happen, and they make sense. I can go to sleep for a half an hour and have a nightmare. The feeling they leave me with often stays with me for hours, if not for the entire day. Last week I stayed up all night to avoid the nightmares, because the one I had had that morning was so frightening and made me feel so terrible that I just needed a break from it all. Well, I got my break from it (by not sleeping) but I had to go through my entire day of school without any sleep. The sad thing is that I felt better emotionally than I have in a long time - though I was exhausted physically.
I still get migraines, and my memory is still terrible. I'm tired of this, and it's affecting my social life - right now there's a party going on in the other side of my apartment, but I'm in my room. Driving on the highway is terrifying, as is driving when the roads are wet. I still cannot bring myself to be the passenger in a car on a highway - if I'm driving, I can deal with it though I don't like to.
It's now been more than a year and a half since the accident. I'm tired of this, the symptoms and the nightmares. I know now that this is a problem, and am hoping to gain some advice from the members here, even if that advice is to only keep moving on. Please tell me this gets better - I never dreamed I'd be here in my senior year of college. I'm supposed to be applying to grad schools right now - but I'm hesitant to do so if I have to meet all new teachers and explain any of this to them for any reason. I'm tired of it.
