Supporter New Long Distance Relationship With Someone With Ptds

[Denise Jackson]

oK, Here's my story. I met this 14 year Air Force vet in May 2016. We hit it of perfectly, however I live in Miami and he lives in Texas. I found out about his PTSD, by scrolling through his Facebook page trying to get a little background of who he is. Once I saw an interview he did about him having PTSD, I immediately looked it up to find out a little about it and then I confronted him about it. He admitted that yes he does have it, but not that bad. Now fast forward. I flew out to Texas to see for the weekend and everything was great. Then he told me a few weeks later that he loved me. Well I found that strange after a short time of knowing me, how could that be possible, well he explained himself and I went along with it. Well we arranged for me to visit him again the following month. I purchased a ticket and all. We had a argument about my son not doing what I told him to do and he got upset with me, because I didn't chastise him, well several days letter that turned into him not answering my calls, breaking up with me, him telling me basically I'm an unfit mother and so on. he went cold turkey on me, I didn't hear from him. well he came back apologized, said it wouldn't happen again. I told him that I will be there for him and he started going back to counseling. so everything was back to normal, well I thought. he then came to Miami for about 5 days and stayed with me. the entire week went awesome. couldn't ask for a better trip. He met my son they hit it off well, only for him to distant himself from me once he left the airport and returned back to Texas. I didn't hear from him or anything, after I reached out to him he finally calls, and verbally ripped me. Said my house was disgusting, I didn't mop, I didn't clean the house. I didn't prepare for him arriving all kinds of mean things. I'm just so lost and confused. I read about trigger moments and things of the nature, but I don't know if I could deal with this. I just wanted to get some feedback and advice from people that have dealt with this type of behavior before. PLEASE HELP!!!! Sorry for the long story, but I'm a very detailed person. :)

 

[Hope69]

I would say that if you don't want that kind of behavior in your life, don't let him back in. Period. I have PTSD, I don't treat people that way. Everyone has a reason behind their behavior, it could be fear , hurt, unmet needs....whatever the reason, it is not an excuse. You have a child who deserves a positive role model. At the end of the day, you need to know what feels right for you and how you want to be treated.

 

[EveHarrington]

He's treating you pretty poorly. :(

Yes, PTSD does often involve push/pull or isolation behavior, but the nastiness and abusive behavior isn't a given.

Long distance relationships are difficult under the best of circumstances. He may not be in a place where he's capable of having a healthy relationship right now.

 

[Denise Jackson]

I would say that if you don't want that kind of behavior in your life, don't let him back in. Period. I...

You're absolutely correct. He talked and portrayed as if that's what he wanted as well. When it happened the first time I was really hurt and didn't understand it. he told me that the long distance was getting to him, but then a day later, he text me stating that he was lost without me and asked me to give him some time. At that time I did research on PTSD to find out more about it. I even ordered a book and then I explained to him that I understand a little about what he's going thru and that I would be there to help him go thru it. but a month later, after a wonderful week here in my hometown in Miami, he gets back home I noticed he was acting different. Isn't wasn't until I asked him if everything was ok with him, because I hadn't heard from him, he called later and practically belittled me. stated that my house was disgusting, that I didn't prepare for his arrival. I didn't clean the house (which I did almost spotless), because I knew he was coming, so I was at a lost for words. I had a few choice words that I really wanted to say to him, but I held back and wished him well. but I can't help to try and understand what happened and where did that come from. It's really sad.

 

[Denise Jackson]

He's treating you pretty poorly. :(

Yes, PTSD does often involve push/pull or isolation behavior...

I don't know if it's the long distance or what, but I can't deal with that type of abuse. I've never judged him or said anything harsh to him when he have his moments. I've been overly nice to him, because of the PTSD, but this is very unacceptable to me. I feel bad for him, but I can't subject myself to that. The good part is I'm glad I experienced this now, before I relocated up there. Smh... I truly cared deeply for him. He's really an awesome man, until that other person surfaces.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

First of all, welcome to the Forum! I hope you will find some help with your struggles... I assume you have PTSD?

You are right to know that abuse is unacceptable! Long distance relationships are VERY DIFFICULT, and I would think almost impossible if you never had a friendship to start with.

I'm curious...if you have PTSD...why you would want to begin a relationship with someone who also has it.

Rarely do two alcoholics make a good combination, and I think it might be similar with those of us who have PTSD.

Please be wary of letting your son meet the people you date. It's confusing for kids, and from my own experience, not a healthy thing to do.

This is a GREAT Forum, and you will find excellent resources and AWESOME people! We have all suffered, and/or are suffering, and though the causes are different, emotional, mental, and spiritual pain bring us together.

We are all in different stages of trauma and healing. I hope you will check out all the information available. VERY COOL PEOPLE, too!
AKJ

 

[Denise Jackson]

First of all, welcome to the Forum! I hope you will find some help with your struggles... I ass...

Hi there and I appreciate your reply to my post. No, I don't have PTSD. The guy I'm dating or should I say was dating has PTSD. When I met him I didn't know he had it and to be honest I rarely heard of PTSD, until I got involved with him.

As far as my son, I struggled with the decision of letting him meet my son. He wanted to meet him and I always was against it, but we were looking to be long term and my plans were to relocate. This was my first interaction with a man since the break up of my son's father a year ago. I'm just confused and want to learn more about PTSD.

It's very sad to see the struggles and pain that this illness causes.