New Member

[deer]

Hi. I am spouse of a ptsd sufferer. I am going to try to explain our relationship from my point of view.

we have lived together for nearly 18 months and we moved in together very quickly after starting a relationship which now looking at this site seems unusal. my partner has suffered for 20 years he has done alot of research but had a bad experience when asked for help from professionals in the past

He doesn't shut me out in a physically his always around but he does switch of from me emotionally

we met at work and just clicked I have never meet such a wonderful
human being and I am so thankful everyday that he is in my life.
we were just friends at work but when it was time for me to leave he txt me teeling me not to be a stranger despite the fact n another relationship but I knew he was for me. I went around to his that night nd havent been away for more than a week since (except 1when he took his children on holiday). The day after he was very open about his ptsd and the traumatic events that are the 'cause'. and also the effects it has had on him and his life including the break up of his marriage, loss of faith the effects on the relationship with his children. etc

Things were great to begin with , strangers would smile at us with how we were with each other I no it sounds a bit soppy but it was like that.
but alot has gone on since then and although we still have that relationship. This morning despite being very stressed with work and us being up very early ( i got up with him) we spent an hour laughing I nearly wet myself. But the other night was a different story he was stressed same work situation and we have also moved house and job and he felt let down by me and I have to say that I can see his point, but he did set the situation up that way but i saw that to late and I know he did not mean to .

But it crosses the line between being a happy relationship with things that need sorting to an abusive relationship. I love him but i no thats not enough and will do anything I can to help us have the relationship I beleive we should, and 95% of the time we deal with the issues that arise well and together and we commincates with each other.

But there are times when he does and says awful things and I know that it hurts him as much as it hurts me. but i do not know how to put the boundaries in to stop that I then do the the worst things I possibly could I just thought that It was time to sort this for both of our well being and came across this site and i have read lots and have found it really helpful It nice to get someone elses view on it all

I think I have wrote loads to much hope thats ok

 

[anni]

Hi Deer,

You did not write too much! It's ok!

I am not a carer, but have 'seen' many here, and 'met' some, and realize it must sometimes be a terribly baffling position to be in.

Welcome to the forum, and I am certain you will have a lot of helpful insights from others who live with sufferers. It's a very nice place to be!

Take care,

Anni

 

[eyebiter]

Welcome Deer

From the sounds of your post I could be your other half. I have the most wonderful wife, who is careing, thoughtful,the closest thing to perfect I have ever met.

Even with all that I still will blow up at her,say things I don't mean,over nothing! I feel horrible afterwards.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, and I am new here, but looks like it could be a common problem? She has been asking me to go to get help for about a year now, my trama was about a year and ahalf ago. Two weeks ago I finally went and I have CPTSD.

I know it is hard but if you can just be upfront with your spouse and say you will not be teated like that and leave the area, when my spouse does that with me it makes me think and I can get by it. I does take me about an hour or two, but if there is no one to keep adding fuel to the fire...it is hard to fight with yourself!!

I hope you can understand what I am trying to say here, it is really hard for me to admit I do these things to the person I love more than life itself. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Howard

 

[deer]

Thank you so much for your reply. Its good to hear it from someone that does similar things but yet obviously loves their wife very much. The one thing that makes leaving him alone harder when he blows up as feeling alone and worring about people he cares about is it a part of his "stressor" because of the nature of the trauma, if that makes sense so it can make me feel like me being absent is making it worse but I am very gratful of your advice. And know your right.

Im new to this and dont know if its the done thing but well done for going and I wish you and your wife the best on your journey.

 

[helena]

Hi Deer.

Am glad you have joined the forum and posted on the site.

I know how hard and confusing it can be when you love someone but don't always understand what is happening to them.

I have learnt a lot from this forum and I know you will find a lot of support and help.

Sometimes one of the hardest things to overcome is the feeling of disloyalty to our sufferers by revealing how we feel and/or describing what has happened (is happening) when we post on here. It took me a long time to get over that and I still find it hard.

I look forard to seeing your around the forum.

Helena

 

[eyebiter]

Sorry I didn't mean to leave him! Just leave the room, let him have some time to think about things. I have taken to asking my best half to just go to the bedroom or the computer room and let me be for a while. It usually takes about 15 min. for me to calm down.

 

[deer]

Eyebiter -I understood You meant leave the room.

I am sorry if I did not make my reply clear ( I am rubbish at writing what I am trying to say),

But still when I leave the room I feel like and he tells me I am abandoning him,I realise that Maybe I just need to get over that.

thank you

Helena- I am very glad I found it.

I thought about feeling disloyal alot and it took me a while to join.

But I thought I am not being helpful at the minute so if I need to share whats happening for us to have a healthy relationship then I can deal with feeling that way.