New Relationship. Flipping.

[Upside Down Eagle]

Good news: finally dating a "normal" dude. Normal in my dictionary means not a drug dealer, drug user, full time gamer, or lowlife slash weirdo. All descriptions of guys I've been with in the past, all relationships that went to shit because they weren't really in it for anything serious.

I'm flipping though. Completely anxiety-attack all over the place, super mega alarmed. I'm afraid that his normality will eventually make him loathe me. At least when I was with other nut jobs, we could be nut jobs together. At least then, we could both be completely f*cked in the head and both afraid of committing.

But this guy is so calm. He likes piano and classical music. He trims his hair and wears shiny leather shoes. When he witnessed my first panic attack the other day, he told me to come over and held me, asked me what I needed right then and there. Maybe the fact that he handles it so well makes me even more anxious.

We haven't even started and I'm so scared that I will lose him. I'm so scared that I want to run away across the globe like Forrest Gump and never look back. I'm so scared that I want to beat him in the face just so he'll back off. Every day I don't hear from him, it makes me insecure and the insecurity makes me more enraged.

I bet plenty of you people recognize this. How did you deal with it??

 

[Alfred.Greene]

I told myself, time and again, do not bother them, do not bother them, do not bother them, I love them, I love them, I love them.

I stayed honest to who i was, but sometimes I just want to talk to her >.>

I don't know if you should take my advice. It hasn't worked for me much. Good luck, I am here if you need me.

 

[silkleaves]

I am both happy for you and sorry to hear this, if that makes any sense!!! I can relate to always ending up with guys who are "off" in some way, though I tend to lean towards sociopaths / narcissists and generally selfish guys. And I eat that right up because I tend to do everything I can to prove myself and make the guy I'm with happy.

The prospect of being with someone who genuinly is just a great guy freaks me out, I wouldn't recognize it if I saw it, and I wouldn't know what to do with it! But you know what?? I think its awesome, and that you do deserve it. From what you described of him so far, his compassion, having someone like that in your corner who will lift you up stead of drag you down with them would be so amazing!!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I applaud you for being brave enough not to give up on having a relationship! One day at a time, stay in the present. Meaning, don't obsess about the future, or the past. Enjoy your moments.

I was married 4 times, 2 had a chance, but a sick child 'took out' one, and when she died, that 'took out' the other. I will be 'celebrating 20 years of being single this year. I'm happy with where I am at now. Maybe that will change down the road, but I don't see it.

Best of blessings & good thoughts being sent your way!!!:hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

@Radise I was terrified when I first got into a relationship with my husband. I had never been in a healthy relationship before. It is terrifying to be in a healthy relationship with someone who is so supportive. He doesn't always get it, but he tries.

I have been guilty of trying to push him away, I guess I don't fell like I deserve him, plus I am terrified because he has more power to hurt me than anyone else, because he is the only person I have ever truly trusted. He always tells me, "I know what you are doing and you are stuck with me."

It really does take some getting used to. Sometimes it can be very difficult. You really have to change your way of thinking about relationships and what you deserve. When you are used to dysfunctional relationships and abusive relationships you know how to handle those, but healthy and supportive relationships are a whole new ball game. I often find myself not knowing how to respond or react, but I am learning.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Thanks for all your sweet replies :)

I'm glad I've found somebody healthy too, but it frightens me, because having it means I could lose it too. And I have learned in life, when things seem to good to be true, don't trust them... so now I can't trust that he'll stay with me. Even if he obviously has showed patience up to this point.

do not bother them, do not bother them, do not bother them, I love them, I love them, I love them.

This is so difficult... especially as I get insecure, and then out of that place I try to search for clues of security (usually I do that by getting way too attached, always sending messages, alienating the other person...). I've decided for myself that I need some days "off" where I don't allow myself to text him, just so that I'll calm down a bit and actually be busy with my own life...

One day at a time, stay in the present. Meaning, don't obsess about the future, or the past. Enjoy your moments.

Wise words. I probably shouldn't let my brain run away with me like it does. I'm glad you are happy where you are at. That seems like the most important thing. I didn't expect this to happen either ;)

I guess I don't fell like I deserve him, plus I am terrified because he has more power to hurt me than anyone else

I do actually feel like I deserve something like this, but I'm worried about him having to deal with my load of pain. It's hard to believe that somebody would actually want to do that.