New Relationship Ups & Downs

[UniqueSunflower]

I haven't been on the site for a bit & felt I was doing better for awhile. However, after getting involved in another new relationship, I've started getting triggered & am trying to catch myself earlier on to recognize both my partner's & my own responses to siruations. We've discussed both of our history's of PTSD & we both work in mental health which has given us more insight into our behaviors tho trying try work through things together has been a challenge. I've been struggling with his need for sleep at random times throughout the day due to health issues & I've also been put off by sexual interactions that have made me realize our wants and needs are different in that arena. We've managed to be open with each other we're talking about issues as they arise, but I still keep telling myself "I don't care if he walks" just to protect myself. I know I really have developed feelings for him and I want to make this work but I'm also trying to just take things one step at a time. Relationships w/ this condition are so challenging & I sometimes feel confused as to whether I want to be in a relationship or whether I'd just be better off alone. Can anyone else relate?

 

[kxCobra]

Girl yes. There is this guy I'm really good friends with who literally just invites me over to spend the night. We don't do anything except watch netflix, and I was worried that he was just in it to hook up so I straight up told him that's not what I was looking for and he still invites me over. he says he doesn't want a relationship right now because he just got out of a two year one, which kinda works well because this allows us both to take things slow, but I'm constantly reminding myself to distance myself from him because I don't want to be clingy even though I know I am not. Guys and relationships all in all are weird. I'm sorry you're having differences, but I'm glad to hear that you are talking about issues as they come up. Taking it step by step is probably the best plan in my opinion, but I'm definitely no relationship expert. Good luck!

 

[UniqueSunflower]

Girl yes. There is this guy I'm really good friends with who literally just invites me over to spend th...

From what he's indicated, he's interested in a "serious" relationship and I don't perceive he's just wanting to hook up though the more I've gotten to know him, I've recognized he has certain self esteem issues I'm trying to adapt to. One thing that didn't seem as much of an issue in the beginning as it is now is his weight. He presented himself as being very confident and sure of himself as though this was something that didn't bother him. However, as we've spent more time together, I see the impact it's having on his ability to sleep well, his energy levels, and his asthma. I'm not opposed to him being heavier and can even accept that aspect of him although it's creating issues with our ability to sleep next to each other (we're both light sleepers). He's made statements about taking measures to lose weight though when I make a comment about his not holding himself accountable, he gets really defensive and argumentative as though I'm attacking him. I feel like it's negatively affecting our relationship more than I anticipated and it's really disappointing since other aspects about him are very appealing. I know he's working through some personal things right now but I don't know how to be supportive to him in a way that won't make him feel attacked. It seems like with PTSD, there's always something surfacing in relationships making them so hard to negotiate.

 

[kxCobra]

From what he's indicated, he's interested in a "serious" relationship and I don't perceive he's...

That's tough that he has self esteem issues. I understand what that could be like for you, a guy I used to be really close with was very low in that department. You probably have done this, but just in case you havent, when you talk to him about not holding himself accountable maybe if you bring up that you accept him no matter what his weight is that will make him feel more comfortable? I'm sorry that it is causing issues between you guys though. I agree though, just when you find a way to manage your PTSD and your relationship, it always throws in a wild card it feels like.

 

[UniqueSunflower]

Yes, it sure has. I've expressed to him that I accept him either way though I know it's deeply affecting him. He's shared he's had trouble allowing himself to be as vulnerable w/ someone as he has been w/ me and I want to honor that. I recognize though that he may need to just sort through whatever it is that's coming up for him in his own time. It appears he's not attending to his health and expressing my concerns only seems to make things worse. Thanks for your support - greatly appreciated.

 

[Area57]

Is he eating poorly and not exercising? How overweight? Chubby, or enough to have significant health risks?

 

[UniqueSunflower]

He weighs enough to be at risk for health issues. He's indicated he's got an auto immune disorder and has been Vitamin D deficient in the past. He's occasionally taking an OTC supplement though states he's been on a higher prescribed dose when he was being followed by a PCP. He's in the process of selecting a new physician although seems to be dragging his feet. Since having talked to him further, he's agreed to begin making dietary changes and wants to exercise with me a couple times a week. It's a start though I know when someone weighs what he does, it's going to take a more intense approach moving forward. I realize though he has to want it and have the motivation to make it happen.