New T Says I May Not Have Ptsd

[TonyG]

Are you on medication, after I started medication I can now talk about my trauma with a smile, I can't cry and I have no emotion, the memories are strong and anxiety with tremors are the still a part of my everyday.

 

[Sandstone]

No, I've tried various meds, but they have all had side effects and none have had much benefit.

 

[Justmehere]

Today I feel weak and destroyed and vulnerable. But I feel it at home, after time has passed. I want to hide

I have no idea if I feel it in relation to talking about the trauma, or in relation to what she said, which to me sounded like blame for my inadequacy.

Stressful events are stressful events. But trauma a is trauma. Not all trauma leads to PTSD. What you have stated about the events you have been through is trauma. It fits the criteria for the kinds of trauma that can lead to the later development of PTSD. Your symptoms now - regardless if it is about talking about the trauma or about her reaction, it all fits PTSD. Let's say that your reaction is about what she said. If the trauma had not caused you to have PTSD, then her talking the way she did would not be leading you to feeling this way.

I often can talk about something in therapy and be ok, and then be. Wet symptomatic days later. Sometimes, I can be symptomatic for no apparent reason at all.

PTSD isn't something where the criteria for symptoms are dependent on having talked about the trauma or not.

If you have the qualifying trauma (and you do) and you have the symptoms at any time at all (and it sounds like you do) - then it's PTSD.

There is no criteria that symptoms happen at a certain time or when talking about trauma. That's so bogus!

There is nothing in the criteria for PTSD that requires someone to show emotion while talking about the trauma. That's just... well, stupid. Harmful actually. It totally negates so many defense mechanisms and avoidance elements that are SO common for people with PTSD.

In my opinion, your therapist is probably good at helping people get through bad experiences which do tend to lead to people predictably having the kind of reaction she was looking for from you. I don't think she knows anything about PTSD.

Most trauma therapists would not ask for a full timeline at the second session. They might inquire about history, but with lots of pacing and care - as to not leave the client overwhelmed later on... Just like you are experiencing now.

She doesn't seem to understand how tot diagnose people. Using her logic, someone with OCD would not have OCD unless they were symptomatic in her office.

There are people who do try to talk themselves into having PTSD When they don't have it. You don't come across at all like that person.

I hope you RUN from this therapist - and thank your lucky stars she was this screwy this quickly so that you knew to run from her before you invested any more time or money with her.

I've encountered a handful of crappy therapists on my way to find two very good ones who have both helped me greatly and really understood PTSD. I think you will find someone much more helpful than her too.

 

[Sandstone]

Well, I'm no longer seeing her, but it was her decision. She says I need something more specialised than she can provide, because I don't respond as she'd expect and she'd be working blind

Last week we did a first session of EMDR, and I was quite please with it because it brought out my reactions more honestly than just talk does. I'd reacted a lot with the urge to fight my way out, and had even had tears in my eyes briefly, which is not what I do.

But this week she asked me how I'd been , and when I said nothing new had come up apart from a pain in my hip and loss of co-ordination in my leg, she said that confirmed what she had been thinking. She expected lots of stuff to emerge through the week. Once again I reacted "wrong"

My feelings about it are very mixed - obviously a bit of rejection and failure, and disappointment I can't go where I 'd hoped to next with the EMDR, but there is an element of relief not to have to do the journey or face the tough stuff

 

[Friday]

Some people are only capable of being factory workers. The same thing, for everyone, the same way, period. They cannot adapt, adjust, or imagine. They are only capable of dealing with one very specific kind of cookie cutter presentation.

Doesn't matter if Kid A is allergic to orange juice. Orange juice is healthy. You will drink your OJ. ((I have known these parents. In the ER every Saturday for months because "Oranges are healthy, fresh squeezed", they eat eggs & orange juice for breakfast Saturdays. Aieeeeee. Not. For. People. Who. Are. Allergic. To. Them. :banghead:))

You didn't react "wrong". Just like being allergic to oranges doesn't make KidA wrong (oranges are healthy!). It just is.

 

[Sandstone]

She has left me with even more doubt about myself and my judgement than before, and that's quite something. The idea that I'm just making a fuss, that I don't deserve help or support, thatI'm morally BAD for having any needs or asking for help is o deep within me. In many ways it's much more comfortable to be back on the at ground, assuming that it it is all me and that if I just kick myself hard enough then everything will come back together.

I'm aware that I have a fear of getting better, because I can only envisage ACTING better, not feeling or being better, so I know that I'd fall apart again and not be able to keep it up. But I don't think I was sabotaging because of that.

I've just been going through the diagnostic criteria again, to see if I really do fit them. (taken from http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/dsm5_criteria_ptsd.asp) But of course, there could be something else that fits.

Criterion A: stressor MET
The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)

1. Direct exposure.

Criterion B: intrusion symptoms
The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s): (one required) MET

1. Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive memories. yes, but brief
2. Traumatic nightmares. yes
3. Dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) which may occur on a continuum from brief episodes to complete loss of consciousness. Note: Children may reenact the event in play. Only ever had one flashback
4. Intense or prolonged distress after exposure to traumatic reminders. Yes
5. Marked physiologic reactivity after exposure to trauma-related stimuli. Oh YES

Criterion C: avoidance MET
Persistent effortful avoidance of distressing trauma-related stimuli after the event: (one required)

1. Trauma-related thoughts or feelings. YES
2. Trauma-related external reminders (e.g., people, places, conversations, activities, objects, or situations). YES

Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood Probably met
Negative alterations in cognitions and mood that began or worsened after the traumatic event: (two required)

1. Inability to recall key features of the traumatic event (usually dissociative amnesia; not due to head injury, alcohol, or drugs). partly - I know what happened, but not details, and don't recall from the end of the actual rape to being at home
2. Persistent (and often distorted) negative beliefs and expectations about oneself or the world (e.g., "I am bad," "The world is completely dangerous"). Hard to know if they are distorted
3. Persistent distorted blame of self or others for causing the traumatic event or for resulting consequences. Hard to know if they are distorted
4. Persistent negative trauma-related emotions (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame). as above
5. Markedly diminished interest in (pre-traumatic) significant activities. Yes
6. Feeling alienated from others (e.g., detachment or estrangement). Probably
7. Constricted affect: persistent inability to experience positive emotions. no

Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity MET
Trauma-related alterations in arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the traumatic event: (two required)

1. Irritable or aggressive behavior YES
2. Self-destructive or reckless behavior Has been true, but not now
3. Hypervigilance In some situations
4. Exaggerated startle response YES
5. Problems in concentration Improving
6. Sleep disturbance Yes

Criterion F: duration MET
Persistence of symptoms (in Criteria B, C, D, and E) for more than one month.

Criterion G: functional significance MET
Significant symptom-related distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).

Criterion H: exclusion MET
Disturbance is not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.