Dom Violence New to here

[rabooboolove]

Hello, I am new to this forum.
I actually stumbled across this site while trying to find some information on ptsd and flashbacks resulting from trauma due to domestic violence situations.

Anyways, so I've been out of the abusive relationship for a little over a year and it seems as though all the really rough emotional stuff is only just hitting me now.
I've been having pretty severe physical symptoms of extreme exhaustion, fatigue, vertigo, nausea, hot flashes, random sweatiness all of a sudden, anxiety, and I'm crying all the time. All I want to do is sleep the last month or so. I go to therapy every week and I thought I'd been doing so great with dealing with the emotional aftermath of my abusive marriage. Until now.

I'm at a loss and I'm shocked as to why it's all hitting me so hard, all of a sudden now. I also think I am having flashbacks, but it's not like what you see in the movies, or on TV, so I don't even know if that's what is happening. I just feel lost all of a sudden. I felt as though I was doing so good, that I'd made an entire, new, great life for myself and along came a steamroller and it's just flattened me.

Anyone have any similar experiences or any advice to offer up?

I have also seen a medical doctor to rule out any actual medical conditions, and so far, there doesn't seem to be anything medically wrong.

 

[BoN-bOn]

Yes. I've been out of my abusive marriage for 11 years now & while I've probably had symptoms of ptsd for a very long time, it just recently became unmanageable the last few years. Nightmares, anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, & extreme hypervigilance have all gotten worse & I've just finally accepted that I do in fact have ptsd. I've started seeing a therapist for the first time to work through childhood & adult trauma. When I first left the marriage I had lost everything & was so busy working hard trying to build a life for myself & my son that I ignored a lot of the symptoms. I've been going 90 to nothing all these years & when I finally got to a point where I could slow down & breathe, I just couldn't. Like you, I kept feeling like there was something medically wrong with me. Labs are fine, my heart is fine....I'm perfectly healthy. It's my mind that needs fixing.

 

[rabooboolove]

Hi BoN-bOn,
Thanks for your response.
It helps to know that others have had similar experiences of things being fine and then it catching you unaware.

I guess I just thought that I really had already been dealing with the trauma, until all this happened, and I realized I had no idea of what the heck I was dealing with.

 

[EveHarrington]

Its actually quite common for the full emotional aftermath to not hit us until after we are out of the abusive situation. It seems that once we are in a safer environment, the body/mind let out all of those emotions which were bottled up in us for so long.

 

[Kay N]

Exactly the same with me, I left my abusive relationship 8 years ago now and thought I had gotten over it and moved on. It's now come back to haunt me, flashbacks, voices, smells. Seeing a psychiatrist next week to talk this through, I've also been self harming too...

 

[BoN-bOn]

Sometimes I think....”I thought I knew what pain was when it was happening.” Seems like now that I’m facing all of the aftermath, it’s even MORE painful than when it was happening.

 

[Ms Priss]

I also have seen an increase in symptoms six years out of the marriage. I do think it is the full impact of it hitting you up beside the head that is more difficult to process. Going through it I was in stellar survival mode...he was special operations in Viet Nam and what I experienced with him was my own Viet Nam and that is not an exaggeration. So now that some of the pieces of my life have fallen into place...I lost everything and escaped with the clothes on my back...so now I have back the essentials...income, housing, food, car, etc., it is like it is hitting me full force.

Recently started to see a trauma counselor but live in a rural area and they are stretched thin so I am lucky to see her once a month...sometimes it is three weeks. We are doing some DBT, but it feels like I need more. She says I am too unstable to deal with the trauma right now , and I do not disagree., but, holy smoly, it sure feels like I am totally losing it. I do all the stuff...eat healthy, exercise, breathing, journaling, but none of it seems to bring much relief. Have isolated horribly too. It feels like I am dieing. I do have once in awhile a moment of hope or a little reprieve which I do not think I could go on without. I no longer speak about it to anyone but the counselor because I find people want to blame me and shame me.

I am willing to walk through the pain to get to the other side. It is just that right now there does not seem to be another side.

 

[Kay N]

BoN-bOn
I agree, its more painful now than actually being in the thick of it! I was in survival mode for so long trying to bring our kids up and shielding things from them but they did experience my abuse

 

[Kay N]

MsPriss
I too was left penniless and homeless, if it wasn't for the support of my family, I don't know what would have happened
I really didn't care, just had to leave! What made the final decision for me was my ex moving his then girlfriend into our house so we all lived together for about 3 weeks, I lived in Spain, so wasn't easy to just go, I had to arrange to get back to the UK and get my kids into school, initially I lived with my parents for a couple of months and my kids lived with my sister. I claimed every benefit I could and got us a house on housing benefit, its still a struggle financially now but health and wellbeing is far more important than possessions. The bastard never even took us to the airport, go figure!!