New To Therapy And Dreading It

[Shellbell]

I have my second therapy session tomorrow. It is making me feel sick just thinking about it. I hated the first one. I don't want to go again and yet I know I have to.

After taking my boys to school and daycare I have done nothing today except lie down on the sofa and watch crap daytime TV.

I am on medication for depression, which does not seem to be working. I'm either in a state of depression, or high anxiety.

I know I have to build a relationship of trust with my therapist, but as a person who doesn't trust anyone - not even my own husband - I just don't think it will happen. I just can't see how I am going to be able to tell someone things that I haven't ever told anyone, when I can't even tell those closest to me.

Does everyone feel like this at the start?

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think many people feel this way shellbell.

I think it can help to see it as a treatment. Nobody likes the dentist, but we go through it with the hope of easing tooth pain and feeling better.

The same applies to therapy.

Wishing you lots of strength and hope to get you through.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Meadowsweet. I hope I have the strength to get through it too.

 

[shell]

I feel this way every session and I have been with this T since November.

I am like you and don't trust anyone, not even my own husband, and while he knows the basic facts, it's likely that it will always be a secret. I never thought I could feel safe with anyone, and have just started to find it's getting easier. Don't let it put you off.

We joke about how much I hate going, he is very aware of how hard I find it, and it helps me cope that he acknowledges it.

 

[Shellbell]

Thanks shell. It's a horrible thing, not trusting anyone. My trust issues seem to have worsened since the PTSD stuff all worsened.

I'm glad you've kept going with the therapy. I will do it, but when I read on here that some people are in therapy 8 years or more before they fully open up, I just think I can't do it. That long in therapy wow.

 

[Hashi]

It's up to the individual, we each take whatever time we need. I had counselling at a trauma centre and there were clients who needed only 10 months or a year. I need longer, and if ends up being 8 years then so be it but I don't know that yet.

Something I'd say is that I started out thinking a year would be too much. That was because I was thinking only of the end - that therapy was something I had to get through and "graduate" from. Now I see it more as something I'm glad to have in my life at the moment, something that helps me all the time.

It takes time to build up the trust, but the therapeutic relationship isn't like other relationships. It's designed to help you find the trust you need. It really is different to see someone who's committed to being there for you, supporting you, keeping what you say confidential and holding you in unconditional positive regard. It's different from trying to build trust with the other people in your life because that's a two-way thing and you have to consider their hurts, concerns, feelings and wishes.

I'd suggest you tell your therapist that you hated the first session! Tone it down if you have to, but it's really helpful to talk about therapy itself and what your concerns are. That includes reactions you had after the last session, and anxieties you had about this one. Then you and your therapist can find the best approaches to use. It will also help you decide if the therapist you're seeing is right for you - if they're open and approachable to helping you settle in to therapy, that's a good sign.

It can be really tough, but at least it's tough and moving forward instead of suffering and staying still. Give it time. I hope it helps you.

 

[anndeb]

Yeah, therapy was a very scary thing for me when I first started: what to expect!? I didn't have much of a clue, though I 'researched' a lot by asking a lot of questions .. I found every contact or friend who had any knowledge or experience and grilled them.

But that was not the same as actually going and taking the plunge for myself.

I am glad to say it worked out for me, I was lucky and blessed enough to have a therapist who was a good match for me the first time out. And the rest is history.

Yes it is a lot of bravery and hard work, but so worth it! Today I have a life! Today I rejoice to be alive instead of asking God to take me out of a life of suffering and pain.

May we all heal, one day at a time, one minute at a time. Hang in there. It can get better!

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Oh, yes! I think most people feel the same way. Just getting to the point of calling to make the appt is tough!

Two opposing truths for me: I never would have gone if I'd known how long I'd be in there. But...I would have gone sooner if I'd known how much better my life is because of it. :-)

I like what Hashi said about being honest w/your T about how uncomfortable you are and that you didn't like the first session. You can talk about expectations etc and it really brings down the anxiety.

Please remember you don't have to start off with the 'big stuff' either. Start with 'small' issues and make sure he/she really is trustworthy before you think about delving into the bigger stuff.

We are all rooting for you as you begin this important chapter in your recovery/healing!

 

[Wanda]

I am glad I made the call....my therapist is a firm believer in writing things down and when I am ready to discuss them we do. She was pleased that I took the step to join this forum. I am agoraphobic, but I can talk to people on line.

I have set my determination to be an advocate for everyone who suffers from PTSD, used to help abused children but now I know my life should focus on healing and advocating to this awful mental disease many of us share.

Keep taking one day at a time and keep determination to get well!:)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think the trust thing varies from person to person, situation to situation. (Oh well of course, but let me explain...)

I have a very hard time trusting anybody. Offhand I can only think of two therapists whom I've genuinely trusted, and I've been in and out of therapy since the age of 10 (I'm now 32). I don't think I've ever had a serious relationship where I've genuinely trusted the other person.

One therapist I trusted was male. Well, he's the only male therapist I've ever had. I have looked for another, but it seems to be a bit hard to find a good one who will deal with sexual abuse. (I was molested by a female so I feel more comfortable around men.)

My current therapist is female, and I trusted her from day one. Shocker, I know. This has never happened before with another female. It was literally a matter of her giving me a reason to trust her. Well, more like I was smacked upside the head with it!

So my point is that yes, you can learn to trust again. It may come gradually, or you may have a lightening moment like I did. No, I don't trust everyone quite so easily, but this experience has proven to me that yes, I can trust again.

I wish you the best with your new therapist.

 

[Rumors]

Thanks shell. It's a horrible thing, not trusting anyone. My trust issues seem to have worsened since the PTSD stuff all worsened.

I'm glad you've kept going with the therapy. I will do it, but when I read on here that some people are in therapy 8 years or more before they fully open up, I just think I can't do it. That long in therapy wow.

I too read about people who were in therapy for years before making any progress, so I laid that ground work in the very beginning that I had no intention of participating in therapy for a decade. She got a chuckle and moved on BUT now that I have gone fairly regularly, it isn't that bad. I still don't want to be there a decade but I also don't want to go back to feeling as lonely and frightened as I was.

I also had trust issues, I don't know what traumas you may have had, however I believe that must be a universal issue with many. If your vetting of you T was fairly thorough, and you feel as if all of YOUR questions and concerns have been addressed, I think it wise to begin talking to your T about your issues that cause you not to trust. Dragging all of those fears thru life become so large and burdensome that you find yourself doing nothing but juggling everything around so you can just exist. It is tiresome! Let it go and take a chance on having a better and less stressful life.

Good luck!

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate them.

I have so much anxiety today about going today, but I know I have to do it. And I know it will take time to build up to any where near trusting her. Just knowing other people have had huge trust issues - as many on here do - but have learned to trust their therapist helps.

At the moment I am having to take one day at a time, as thinking any further ahead causes too much anxiety. So it will need to be like that with my therapist - one session at a time. I hated the first one, but I came out okay. I drove myself home. I coped. Just, but I coped. So I can do it again.

Thank you for all your good advice. I'm so glad I found this forum.