New To Therapy And Dreading It

[Shellbell]

Well I went and it was okay. I got upset at certain things, but was able to control it and not end up a sobbing mess that I was so worried I would end up.

The therapist is trained in EMDR and has years of experience in trauma therapy. She explained what the therapy will consist of CBT, incuding exposure therapy, then on to EMDR and then more work on moving on. She said she will work at whatever pace I feel comfortable with. She wants to see me weekly for now.

She wanted to talk today about my parents and whilst talking about either of them causes distress, she said we weren't going to talk about any actual trauma, just how I grew up, what my mother was like overall. So, we didn't talk about any things that I consider as trauma, and she already identified mental and emotional abuse and emotional and physical neglect. I was glad we stayed well away from the big stuff.

It really was enough to deal with and I was glad to do the breathing and visualising a safe place technique that she did too.

She wants me to write down my flashbacks in a book followed by the safe place visualisation each time when and where possible. These will then be used later.

So, I feel exhausted now, but okay. And okay under these circumstances is good.

 

[Hashi]

I got upset at certain things, but was able to control it and not end up a sobbing mess that I was so worried I would end up.

Sobbing mess is a GOOD thing! This is therapy. ;)

I'm glad it felt manageable. Be extra nice to yourself now.

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Sounds like you found someone great to work with!!! Hang in there...and remember tears are healing!

 

[piratelady]

Well I went and it was okay. I got upset at certain things, but was able to control it and not end up a sobbing mess that I was so worried I would end up.

I get so worried about being a sobbing mess, I think a lot of us do. I actually let myself cry in therapy last week and I think it helped a lot. I was able to get the emotions out and work through them. It takes time to be able to let yourself do that though.

I'm glad it went well and I hope you continue to find it helpful! :)

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you piratelady.

 

[overtheview]

That's great to hear that your second session went better and you were ok afterwards. I always found it exhausting after a session so would try to take it easy for the rest of the day. Hopefully you will feel more and more comfortable each week and will start to feel less stressed before hand.

I have my first session tomorrow and have been pretty anxious about it. I haven't seen anyone in 7 years so I'm extremely nervous. I've been trying my hardest not to think about it but it's been a challenge. I think just having the big build up is the worst part because your uncertain of what your getting yourself into.
When I spoke to her on the phone she sounded really nice so fingers crossed all goes well.

 

[Shellbell]

I have my first session tomorrow and have been pretty anxious about it.

I hope your first session back goes well. I think the build up and anticipation and the anxiety with that is often worse than the actually session.

Glad your T seemed nice on the phone and I hope you click with her and get on well and feel comfortable with her.

 

[Wanda]

My counselor tells me tears release toxins in our bodies and those of us who refuse to cry are harming ourselves more, no I cry at the drop of a hat! I feel so much better.

 

[Shellbell]

Thanks Wanda. I feel like my T wants me to be 'in control' of my emotions and that's what the AD medication is meant to be for. Problem is, if I don't cry she won't know where I'm at, so I guess I should just do whatever is coming naturally to me at that time and if crying or sobbing is what I'm feleing, I should just let it happen.

 

[overtheview]

Glad your T seemed nice on the phone and I hope you click with her and get on well and feel comfortable with her.

Thanks Shellbell my session did go well and your right the build up was worse than the actual session. I'm a bit of a control freak at times so not knowing what was going to happen when I was in there was almost unbearable for me. When I know how things are going to go I'm ok but the uncertain just terrifies me.

As for the crying I say do what feels right for you, if your ready do it, if your not then don't. When I saw a T last time she actually had to teach me how to express my emotions properly. I had completely shut myself off from anything because that was the only way I knew how to protect myself when growing up.
I was told that it was basically a safety mechanism or else my body and mind would not have been able to cope. It took a long time to work through that but now I make sure I express my feelings whenever needed. It definitely wasn't easy but I have improved.

Maybe this is one of the reasons your finding it hard. I always felt like crying was a weakness that could put me in a possible threatening position. In reality it seems silly but I definitely found myself still feeling that way. Maybe your experiencing a similar thing?

 

[Shellbell]

Glad your session went well overtheview. I really hope that continues.

The build up is always horrible. I have my next appt 7pm tonight and dreading it. I'm like you a control freak at times and not knowing is a fear for me. And yes, expressing emotion, especially about the people who hurt me does feel like a weakness. And I always feel like it's letting them win. They are still hurting me. So I do anything to avoid that.

You are right, shutting ourselves off from the emotions is a survival mechanism and I'm still doing it, even though I'm meant to actually express it. Today I know I have to talk in depth about my Father, so I'm feeling really detached. I can feel myself shutting down. Dissociated several times today and I'm worried that will happen in therapy.

I know I will improve on expressing the emotions of it all and will learn to just let it out and sob if needed. Baby steps.

 

[Wanda]

My counselor was out for 3 weeks with a hair line fracture to her neck....I had so many things to talk to her about I brought her my journal and the posts I had made on the forum....never showed anyone else's post.....She said I had made a big step and she still thinks when I get through my problems I should get my masters in psychology and work with children who have been abused after all I can relate to them. I'm not sure still want to be an advocate for all PTSD suffers and get the help each of us need. Many years ago I worked as a Psych Tech and dealt with kids who were admitted I know now why I could relate to them. I was still storing my trauma away....I have heard from the Docs I worked with on how successful these children are today.....so time for me to face up and deal with my trauma!