Hi! I have been reading forums on here for a few months since starting therapy again and decided to join in.
About three months ago I began therapy again due to a huge, seemingly out-of-nowhere mental breakdown where I spent nearly two weeks in bed having daily panic attacks, crying, and being unable to take care of myself at all. I've struggled with ADHD, depression, and anxiety since childhood, and I guess going so long without managing any of it caught up with me.
Anyway, I was able to find a pretty great therapist right away. She's a trauma therapist, which I wasn't specifically looking for but turned out to be a good thing. I was a little shocked when she told me that she thought I had PTSD, seeing as I have a lot of issues with feeling as if any of my traumas are valid or real enough to impact me on such a level, but between all of the mental and physical symptoms I have, it makes sense. My therapist started using EMDR therapy with me pretty quickly which caused a lot of flooding and overwhelmed my system quite a bit, which in turn has triggered a lot of dissociation. We had to take a step back from it because I kept dissociating in session and was having a hard time functioning outside of session.
Luckily things have calmed down a little bit in terms of flooding and constant anxiety/panic. I am still really struggling with feeling like any of my trauma is valid, or should even be referred to as trauma at all. I grew up with an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father -- it was mostly just a lot of anger, yelling, threatening, and belittling when he got mad, but he would sometimes hit or grab me, occasionally leaving bruises. Then at age 16 I was sexually assaulted by someone I considered to be my best friend -- but I still have trouble with feeling like that's valid either. Shortly after the assault I entered a toxic relationship with someone very manipulative and emotionally abusive. Even as I am writing these things out, I feel as if I'm somehow still being dramatic and overreacting.
I'm not really quite sure where I'm going with this post anymore, but I figured I would at least try to post something after scrolling through forums for the past couple of months.
About three months ago I began therapy again due to a huge, seemingly out-of-nowhere mental breakdown where I spent nearly two weeks in bed having daily panic attacks, crying, and being unable to take care of myself at all. I've struggled with ADHD, depression, and anxiety since childhood, and I guess going so long without managing any of it caught up with me.
Anyway, I was able to find a pretty great therapist right away. She's a trauma therapist, which I wasn't specifically looking for but turned out to be a good thing. I was a little shocked when she told me that she thought I had PTSD, seeing as I have a lot of issues with feeling as if any of my traumas are valid or real enough to impact me on such a level, but between all of the mental and physical symptoms I have, it makes sense. My therapist started using EMDR therapy with me pretty quickly which caused a lot of flooding and overwhelmed my system quite a bit, which in turn has triggered a lot of dissociation. We had to take a step back from it because I kept dissociating in session and was having a hard time functioning outside of session.
Luckily things have calmed down a little bit in terms of flooding and constant anxiety/panic. I am still really struggling with feeling like any of my trauma is valid, or should even be referred to as trauma at all. I grew up with an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father -- it was mostly just a lot of anger, yelling, threatening, and belittling when he got mad, but he would sometimes hit or grab me, occasionally leaving bruises. Then at age 16 I was sexually assaulted by someone I considered to be my best friend -- but I still have trouble with feeling like that's valid either. Shortly after the assault I entered a toxic relationship with someone very manipulative and emotionally abusive. Even as I am writing these things out, I feel as if I'm somehow still being dramatic and overreacting.
I'm not really quite sure where I'm going with this post anymore, but I figured I would at least try to post something after scrolling through forums for the past couple of months.
