Nightmares And Hallucinations

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Hello Everyone,

So I am aware that there are some threads similar to this one, however they are from a couple years ago from what I can see. I may be totally wrong... Its just what I saw while quickly scanning.

Im back after a long while away. But I need the support, so I wanted to reach out.

Currently I have been having a really hard time sleeping again, a lot of nightmares. However what I find it very distressing when I wake up and go downstairs is I will see my abuser, he just stands there staring at me. It terrifies me. It isn't like my flashbacks where things happen and I see a whole memory play itself out.

I am wondering is this a hallucination? If so, does anyone know if there is any new or recent information or studies out there that I can read about hallucinations and PTSD? I would like to better understand before I speak with my therapist about this.

It has been going on for a long time, however it happens more when Im sleep deprived or stressed. It also brings on a lot of emotions such as panic, crying, shaking ect.

Thanks in advance, and I am sending you all positive vibes and caring thoughts! :)

 

[scout86]

I've had something like that happen a couple of times, although it didn't have anything to do with sleep, it just happened. And I thought of it as a flashback. (But maybe the wrong term.) Replaying a whole event in my head I tend to think of as a 'memory'. Maybe (drawing a blank on the correct term!) one of those memories that shows up invited and won't leave.

The last time this happened, the image was so vivid that I didn't realize it wasn't real until I revisited the scene a few days later. (It was a place, not a person.) My T says he prefers to think of that kind of thing as 'an illusion'. In the case in question, something about the scene (probably the smell of pine needles) combined with stress from other stuff to cause my brain to decide I was in a dangerous place and my attention needed to be called to that fact. (Which was actually an incorrect assessment.)

I know a guy who was in Iraq in the National Guard. He had occasion to be first on the scene when a friend of his was badly burned in the explosion of a diesel barrel. He told me a story about coming home and buying a new diesel truck. The first time he filled the tank with fuel, when he smelled the diesel, his friend was suddenly suspended in space in front of him. (I'll skip the graphic description.) By the time he got to "When I turned the pump on...." I was laughing because I knew what was coming next. (And because I have kind of a warped sense of humor.) We both thought that was a flashback. It looked pretty real, but you knew it just wasn't possible in the context you were in at the moment.

What I was trying to think of before was 'intrusive thoughts/memories'. I'd call it "an illusion" I kind of like that. It's your brain, thinking it's being helpful, when maybe it's really not helpful.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm reading Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks, and I will let you know if there is anything in there about it. So far it has stated that hallucinations are more frequent during the waking state, but it sounds as if you are already awake.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you for your reply @scout86
I am having a hard time relating it to my flashbacks because it's not an actual memory persay (my flashbacks have words and scenes from the actual trauma. It's not something that replays. It's like he is just standing there out of the corner of my eye although at times when I directly look there he doesn't vanish but once I blink or look away and look back he is gone.

I'm so confused, it may very well be a flashback I suppose. And I do like the term 'an illusion'. But is an illusion different from a hallucination? I have had these before but have never been brave enough to talk more about it. It also happens when I wake up in my bed, it's like he is an intruder in my room, but after I hide under the covers and come back out to look again he is gone. Usually my flashbacks aren't something I can stop or get myself out of like I can with these 'illusions' ... if that makes sense... I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself properly, for that I am sorry. I am just trying to explore it and learn more about it so I can properly explain what I experience with my therapist.
Thank you so much, I greatly appreciate your reply!

 

[illusionist]

I've recently had a return of nightmares....and hallucinations, which seem to come with the nightmares after I've wakened. These are not long playing ( like you see on the films ).....more like a visual flash..a second or two, of an abuser....sitting in his chair looking at me. It does bring on instant panic/ stress for me.....but I know how to deal with them now, so manage to bring myself back to reality.

They really are not a nice experience.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Yes @DharmaGirl I would say that 90% of the time I am already awake. Except from the times I mentioned above, where it happens just as I wake up from sleep. Maybe that's not quite awake? ... thank you so much, I would greatly appreciate your review on the book! :)

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Yes @illusionist, that is what it's like for me also! Thank you so much for your reply.

I feel like I'm going crazy and it can be scary. :/

 

[scout86]

But is an illusion different from a hallucination?

Technically? Probably not. My T & I have sort of an ongoing discussion about the definition of the word "crazy". (He prefers I not use it when talking about myself. LOL) I think his point was, anyone can experience the occasional illusion. "Crazy people" have hallucinations. :D I should add that I don't know for sure that the guy who saw his extra crispy friend has PTSD. He hasn't been diagnosed, as far as I know, and he seems to be functioning pretty well. I really think this is just one of those weird things the human brain is capable of doing sometimes.

 

[illusionist]

The first time it happened to me was at counceling....I was touching on something that was frightening.....I saw him sitting on the chair opposite me, and I curled up in a ball in sheer fear. My councillor convinced me to look at the chair telling me it was just a hallucination....she told me it was normal to experience that, in the situation.

They happen mainly after nightmares now, when I'm awake.

Try to look back straight away....it will be gone, and lessens the prolonged, intense fear.

 

[Gs172003]

From a book im reading

One may or may not act as if he or she is back in the situation. Some still retain some awareness of present reality during flashbacks, as though they were watching a movie of the trauma. Some remember having the flashback.

The book is this one

I think you might like this book – "The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook, Revised and Expanded Second Edition: A Guide to Healing, Recovery, and Growth" by Glenn Schiraldi.

Start reading it for free: Dead Link Removed

My guess is it could be a flashback you are experiencing differently.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

It just feels so different from my normal flasbacks. Usually they are from the past being brought back up. Like the actual past trauma memory recurring in my present. hmmm...

I really truly appreciate all of your opinions and insights. It's really helping me to understand better what I am experiencing for myself. What feels right and what doesn't feel right.

Thank you all so much!! I was feeling pretty alone and this helps so much.