L
Lors
I can relate. Well sort of... My neighbour can have her friends over or be by herself. I've lived in a domestic violence household all the time where I am the one who's mostly attacked. So anytime she thumbs, plays rave or laughs. My anxiety and flight fight mode goes into over drive. I can't control myself after 20mins to 3 hours of this noise. I go into full blown anger wanabe murderer and look for my hammer. Afterwards I feel like such a horrible monster. I'm aware it's anxiety and ptsd though because I'm aware she's triggering it in me. But I can't control my anger and outbursts. She keeps pushing me to the point I want to go up there and bash her head in. It's irrational. But at that moment I feel I'm not relaxed I'm threatened in my own home and I don't feel safe until I put an end to the threat. I guess in that way I can understand my mind. But in other ways I'm appalled and ashamed by it.
