Nonverbal Episodes

[Kefira]

So I have been having this some, but last night it became very problematic and I thought I'd see if anyone had any advice.

When I'm super stressed or overwhelmed, particularly after too much time around people or especially after conflict I will shut down. It's basically dissociation, I can normally hold off on it until I can get myself safely situated, but it's like I need to take a reset and just allow myself to slip out of the present reality. Maybe the most irritating thing is that when this happens I go totally non-verbal. With my "normal" dissociation this is a problem too, but after a flashback or other episode I tend to regain communication more quickly. With this, I may remain non-verbal for some time after I've regained other function, it seems the last thing to come back.

Part of the problem is I have a partner who's trying to understand, but with no good way to communicate with him and his own insecurities he'll tend to go to "she's actively ignoring me and not engaging" rather than really understanding what's going on with me. And of course it's already terrifying not to have a voice or ability to reach out when I want to, then it feels as though I have to for his sake. Which tends to just spin me out further.

Does anyone have any strategies for being able to communicate more quickly after such and episode, tricks for effective non-verbal communication when you also can't move a whole lot, or even just validation that I'm not totally nuts and other people have this sort of experience?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Maybe you can make a hand gesture when you are having an episode, so that he knows you have certain boundaries up and in effect. When you can verbally explain yourself, maybe you can talk to him ahead of time about the gestures/crisis signals. Hope that makes sense.

 

[Kefira]

@Whispering_Truth It does make sense. I think I'd need a whole set of signals though, because what I need when I'm like that can vary a lot based on exactly where in my brain I'm stuck. Normally I'm at least semi aware though, so that helps. I retreat but it's not like with the flashbacks and things where I totally lose track of the current reality.

 

[scout86]

Maybe start with something you can do to signal your partner that he doesn't need to go down his OWN dysfunctional road? If he could be reassured, so he could stay more calm and rational, it would probably help YOU. At least you would be able to deal with your own stuff for the moment and not have to extra stress of worrying about him.

 

[sun seeker]

Does anyone have any strategies for being able to communicate more quickly after such and episode, tricks for effective non-verbal communication when you also can't move a whole lot, or even just validation that I'm not totally nuts and other people have this sort of experience?

You're not totally nuts. :) Or nuts at all.

Can you write when you can't talk?

 

[Kefira]

If he could be reassured, so he could stay more calm and rational, it would probably help YOU.

Yes, for sure. I understand WHY all of his stuff is there, but when I'm completely out of it is not the time for me to be trying to juggle his reactions based in his own history.

Can you write when you can't talk?

It depends- when it's really bad I can't do much as far as movement or communication. But the movement comes back before being able to really speak does. So maybe if I can head off any negative reaction to it, once I'm in a place where I can write I could use that and then maybe that would even help me get back to a place to be able to speak sooner.

 

[scout86]

So maybe if I can head off any negative reaction to it,

That seems like it would be really important. What's happening with is probably going to happen and run it's course, at least for now. No point in making things worse than they have to be if you can avoid it.

I can normally hold off on it until I can get myself safely situated,

I think it's pretty good that you're aware and can manage to do this. What's "safely situated"? Does your partner know what it is? Would it be possible to have a "I need to get safely situated NOW" signal and then he could let you or help you do that?

BTW, you seem like you're probably a lot less "nuts" than most people!

 

[shimmerz]

Does anyone have any strategies for being able to communicate more quickly after such and episode, tricks for effective non-verbal communication when you also can't move a whole lot, or even just validation that I'm not totally nuts and other people have this sort of experience?

Yes, @Kefira, I have gone mute for over a week at a time. Many doctors don't understand it. Just warning....

For me it seems it is because preverbal stuff has been triggered. Or I feel I absolutely won't be heard. This has happened twice to me in the past week. Over primal stuff. Perhaps you could look for a common theme. What I do is I indicate with my hand like a zipper across my lips. My people know what that means. They will hand me either a keyboard (because I seem to type better than I breathe), or a pad of paper and pen.

My writing changes as I come out of the state I notice. It starts quite childish and then graduates to a more 'adult' form of writing. Is this a new problem for you?

 

[Kefira]

What's "safely situated"?

Typically, away from anything I can fall on/down (stairs are not my friend) I try for a bed or a couch so I can sort of curl up and hopefully not hit anything and not be too freaked out when I come back (which I would be if I just laid down on the floor). If I have time and can find a blanket or stuffed animal then that's serious bonus points.

My writing changes as I come out of the state I notice. It starts quite childish and then graduates to a more 'adult' form of writing. Is this a new problem for you?

That's really interesting @shimmerz. It's fairly new, at least to this extent. I'm used to my flashbacks and what I sort of call more "normal" dissociation- normal meaning how I have experienced it in the past. This is like being locked in my body unable to really move much or to speak, and it seems to be in response to how overwhelmed I've been lately. There's lots of changes, nothing seems safe yet. What has set it off a couple times is confrontation with other people, but I know that that's only bringing up all the unsafe feelings to the surface.