Not knowing who/ where you are when you wake up in the morning

[Deleted member 47099]

Hi :)

I just posted this in my trauma diary:

"I have a weird thing with PTSD where sleep seems to somehow "reset" my brain - both in a positive and negative way.
Most mornings I feel like "where am I?" and "who am I?" and "what am I doing?"
It's quite unsettling and certainly interferes with my functioning a LOT.
Before I can start the day, I have to work out the answers to all of those questions, in a sleepy state.
It's so much work, first thing in the morning and I'm not very good at it.

Also, some mornings, if I'm running late, I just don't have the *time* to do all that work.
Then, adrenaline is what will get me through it.
I know I have to "function" despite not feeling like I know who I am or where I am or what I am doing.
So that puts me into a stress mode, kind of like trauma-survival mode of "just keep going no matter what" which isn't very good for me, but at least it keeps me functional enough for the time being so I don't get fired from my job."

And am now wondering whether others get this too...

Is this a common PTSD thing and if so, how do you deal with it?

I'm ***useless*** when I wake up in the mornings :roflmao::facepalm:

On my days off, I need about 3 hours to work out who I am, where I am, what I'm meant to be doing, where to start, what to do if stuff goes wrong, etc etc etc :wacky:

Have any of you overcome this? Or at least reduced it?

It impacts my daily life majorly.

Because it is sleep-related (unconscious) I feel helpless in changing it - and because my thinking is so muddled when I wake up, I also feel overwhelmed about "how do I fix this?"

I've had this for 20+ years and I am soooooooooooo over it!!! :confused:

 

[bellbird]

This may be an overly trivial suggestion, but would it help to write down on a piece of paper or whiteboard some information about yourself - your name, the place where you live etc. so that when you're in the post-nightmare haze you have a point of reference to jog your memory?

Or you could place objects, within view/arms reach for a tactile approach, that have significance to who you are as a person eg. objects that relate to your hobbies or interest that might also act as a point of reference?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

This may be an overly trivial suggestion, but would it help to write down on a piece of paper or white...

Hi bellbird :)

I should add this for clarity:

In my "rational" brain, I am still able to work out the factual stuff in the morning, like I am aware what my physical location is on a map, etc...

But I don't *feel* it. It feels like "well how did I get here? what am I doing here?"

So although the rational/ factual information is not deleted from my mind, it's like the emotional information of being able to *feel* like I am "me" has dissolved into the ether over night.

My rational brain is able to say my name, my address, my age and stuff like that in the mornings - this information is not all "gone".

But I can't "feel" any of it.

I guess I feel like an amnesia patient being shown photos of her life and I can't relate to any of it.

It's like "yeah big deal that that is my address and I apparently live there". It still feels like "how did I get here and what am I doing here?"

So more "emotional" as opposed to rational/ factual... if that makes sense? :wacky:

Maybe what I could write on a note to myself for the mornings is something like this:

"Sophy you have PTSD and it makes your sleep really weird. Every morning you struggle with waking up and being able to feel who you are and where you are and what you are meant to be doing. Don't freak out about it, it happens every morning. Take your time - the feelings of who you are and what you are doing will come back during the day. For now you can just get a cup of coffee and brush your teeth and have a pee and have a shower. That stuff is always useful, no matter where you feel you are or whether your brain is PTSD confused."

That's not "fixing" it, but it might make it less scary/ stressful/ annoying while I try and figure out a long-term fix for it.

Also, I have quite a bit of hurt/ resentment built up over the years of being criticised for "not being a morning person" and for being "slow/ lazy/ useless" in the mornings. I think I should try and deal with that too, because being pressured/ criticised about it has been very unhelpful and added to the stress.

 

[bellbird]

So more "emotional" as opposed to rational/ factual... if that makes sense?

Yeah :) sorta like you're still stuck in the nightmare world that was happening until moments ago?

That's not "fixing" it, but it might make it less scary/ stressful/ annoying while I try and figure out a long-term fix for it.

Hopefully it can help, if only a small amount

 

[LilyRose]

Not sure if it is the same thing...
I don't sleep through the night, so i sleep 2 or 3 hrs tops. sometimes an hour during the day, and when i wake up, i feel lost too.
I feel weird and not knowing what happened before that day or the day before. It feels like it wasn't real and i have to check if it was, and were i am. It takes a while to figure out what is going on. When i go to bed, try to sleep i don't feel safe so maybe that got something to do with it.

Also when i have to hurry to get somewhere, when i go to fast, i start missing things, like i go on autopilot and later i can't remember what i did or how i got somewhere. But i miss time during the day anyway sometimes so maybe it's just dissociation for me.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Yeah :) sorta like you're still stuck in the nightmare world that was happening until moments ago?

It can be due to a nightmare, yes. That's a very vivid example.
I get this after all sleep tho. Even after no nightmare. It's like my brain is stuck in the relaxing versions of sleep too.

Not sure if it is the same thing...
I don't sleep through the night, so i sleep 2 or 3 hrs tops. somet...

Yeah, that sounds pretty similar :)

On my days off, when there is no pressure to "get up and do stuff QUICK" this state can sometimes be a nice state too. It feels very drowsy and spacey, I guess kind of like being drunk, in a nice way, like nothing matters.
It's just that when I need to do stuff (like go to work) then this drowsy/ confused state is totally incompatible with what I need to be doing. And 3 hours to sort it out is just time I don't have and that makes it really stressful.

 

[LilyRose]

i'm not sure about it being a nice state, i'd like to be in control. But sometimes i'm sort of ok with feeling spacey for a little while like you said, because my mind slows down a little.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

i'm not sure about it being a nice state, i'd like to be in control. But sometimes i'm sort of ok with...

Yes, totally, I prefer being in control too :)

Just trying to analyse/ describe the different aspects and *occasionally* I will like it a bit - just like letting go of the need to control everything when you are slightly drunk can be soothing, I guess.

But 95% of the time I resent it and want it to go away so I am in control and can function.

 

[LilyRose]

Yeah i think i get it. Sometimes your mind just needs to slow down i guess.
I am still out of it since yesterday i guess so i am not thinking clearly today :P

Ok i think i am in that state right now.. I've got nothing haha. Maybe later.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Yes, totally, I prefer being in control too :)

Just trying to analyse/ describe the different aspects an...

Uh huh. Me too. I woke up at 10:30 and it's now 2 pm and I'm still in this vague, hazy state :confused:

It does feel like it's a kind of dissociation, right upon waking.

I wonder what tools/ skills I could use to try and get myself to "snap out of it" ?

It's so frustrating to deal with this for hours upon waking up - I'm exhausted after that and then I still haven't gotten a SINGLE thing done that day, other than "waking up fully". Sigh.

I wish there was something I could do that would speed up that process. Like a cup of coffee at 100 x the usual strength.

I can't work out what would help, but I am giving it more thought...

 

[Justmehere]

It seems like it’s possibly a dissociative phenomenon. I used to wake up feeling disoriented to time and place every now and then. I’d go for a run or take a cold shower, and for me, that was very grounding. It would snap me back to the here and now pretty fast.

I don’t know if you are on meds, but that’s another possible explanation.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Maybe something like the holding ice cubes/ frozen oranges stuff?

I was also just thinking that I think 35 years of PTSD has totally shot my adrenals. I think my how cortisol balance is massively out of whack after 35 years of PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety.

I think at night, my system is sooooooo glad to be getting some rest, that it doesn't actually WANT to wake up in the mornings.

I have had to force myself to wake up and get up every morning for 35 years.

I think the normal "dawn phenomenon" where your body produces cortisol and other chemicals to start waking you up at dawn doesn't really work for me. My body just says "keep sleeping another 48 hours so you can get some rest from all this PTSD stuff".

I will buy some organic oranges and stick them in the freezer tho. Anything is worth a try.

It seems like it’s possibly a dissociative phenomenon. I used to wake up feeling disoriented to ti...

Yah! I was thinking "cold shower??" too a couple of mins ago, but I think I'm too much of a wimp :D:p:wideeyed::confused::roflmao:

I might start with frozen oranges and see if I can work my way up to a cold shower...

Or maybe a normal, warm shower, with 10 seconds of cold shower?!?!?! :arghh;:eek::roflmao::)