Not Living This Week - Barely Surviving

[samson]

Hello friends,

I try not to whine too much on this forum because I often come to it for comfort and healing and to not feel so freaking alone with everything we deal with. But this week has been the worst for me in a long time.

I am two years into my journey of therapy to help my PTSD. There was a point a few months ago that I felt really, really good and the symptoms related to a certain trauma were completely gone. I wish I had quit while I was ahead.

I had a sensory flashback at work this week in front of the entire staff - sexual arousal and all. My latest memory involves being touched by a man on a school bus on the way back from a basketball game. During emdr one of the most overwhelming things has been the sound of the other kids on the bus and the physical memory. All of that noise going on and no one noticing what was happening to me. Currently, I work at a church and we have a group prayer time on Tuesday mornings where everyone just prays aloud. All of that noise took my body right back to that incident. I tried to focus on one voice and remind myself that they weren't on the bus - I played with my scarf and reminded myself that I didn't own this scarf when I was 11. I did all of the grounding things I'm supposed to do but it didn't stop the flashback.

I spent the rest of the day working from outside my body. By the afternoon I could hardly stay awake. Luckily two of my three bosses were out of the office, so I was able to close my office door and hide for most of the day. I did my work in spurts as I could. I finally felt some better after I got home.

I have not been living this week - merely surviving.

Do any of you have a better way to deal with flashbacks?

Thanks for listening. Sorry it's so long.

 

[ptsdsolution]

Yes I do-you really need to engage all your senses to keep you very much in the present. For example-open your eyes and out loud or quietly depending on where you are describe something in graphic detail as if explaining to someone blind-this uses visual and auditory senses as you are listening to your voice and seeing what you are describing. Touch it if you can and take in the whole feeling or describe what you think it would feel like-this engages sensory-touch, what can you smell if anything no matter how faint, take it all in,, practice when not having a flashback to make it easier so you will know what to do when you have one.