Makes sense why exercise or movement isn't helping or feels overwhelming. I can relate to this big time. Not sure if this is helpful to you but the only thing I have been able to find is helpful is practicing a 5-5-5 breathing pattern when I am not a disaster. I find there is a sweet spot in the breathing that stops my mind from anxiety/panic/I need to die stuff. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) was also very helpful to me for this stuff.Usually my mind.
Also, if there is ever a time where you feel just the teeniest, tiniest bit less heavy and invested in this apathy try to take note of it. What are you doing? What is happening? Are you with someone? See if you can find a pattern there where you can take control back and engineer your day to include more of whatever that is.
The I need to die stuff for me goes back to infant toddler situations I was in. It is a really difficult thing because I carry around this feeling of needing to die but I think I am so regressed that I don't actually KNOW how to die and it just sticks with me. It feels like torture and permeates what feels like every cell in my body.
I am not certain of your financial situation but (and this is a rhetorical question), would it be possible to do cranial sacral or acupuncture to help release some of the frozen stuff for you? I find shoulders and face for me are the things that keep me stuck. When I do my breath stuff I work on softening my facial muscles (and am noticing I am actually almost (not quite) able to smile every now and again. Now when I try that smile my breath (which relaxes my mind) automatically starts to click in.And sometimes, it is the body, and the mind agrees
I think of this stuff as me being a software program, so to speak, where body and mind run programs. Those programs are visible through my body and how I hold it. When I notice that something is problematic, I look for a trigger of sorts that I can use to overlay with. I noticed that when in my 'need to die' mode there were certain things that were happening. My voice gets whispery, my forehead furrows, and my shoulders and back curl forward. These things I find literally keep me captive to the mood. As I started to identify these things I worked on learning how to adjust my body differently (a slight smile or less furrowed brow) and breathe so my mind could get some relief. It started to work and I felt like I was getting somewhere.
Anyways, please disregard if this is not helpful to you. Wishing you peace in your healing @whiteraven