Warning: One Big Whine
I had to be alone yesterday and last night. I did go to my support group and got a great answer on what seemed like such a simple thing but I'm not thinking too clearly lately. If I want to make sure my Husband is listening just get him to look at me, ask if he is, then ask the my question. I tend to talk in mid-air when my anxiety gets heightened about going out, like yesterday so that when I did ask him a question (3 times) he never answered. This is not unusual. My feelings get hurt, I get angry, I trigger out and I'm gone.
Something else set me off when I got home so I decided to just keep my distance and not argue. He wanted to get into semantics, a favorite rhetorical game of his to throw me off course but since the veils have been lifted with the flashbacks so too has my ability to argue a point like a born attorney so I flipped it on him and finally just asked him if any of this was helpful. He finally said no, so I said let's not do it. I chose to sleep in the spare room for the first time ever and he never sent in my Service Animal, instead I found her in his bed this morning where she is NOT suppose to be.
I am at a loss. His dog is in her crate and he knows mine is not to sleep on the bed at night. I have spent endless hours training her so she would listen to me over him and understand what goes for his dog is often different than her because she is a Service Animal. It's difficult because she is a rescue dog with phobias and I am full of issues and he is gone so much.
I have no idea where I stand.Between age 12 and 50. I want to take my things and leave but I can't afford it. I want to beat some sense into him but that's ridiculous. I want to scream but what difference would it make? I tried to explain to him the problem but all he hears is waww waww waww!!
Somewhere in here is my problem but I can't see it just yet. Some of the edginess comes from just eeking out of a severe Migraine Episode. It changes the chemistry in my brain and add on the meds I add to take to help reduce to the pain and help me sleep, it's not an ideal combo.
I hate this, trying to not slip into the past, not rip into my skin and hurt myself. Nightmares about flooding and burnt animals, trying to save people, old homes, burned out trainers, I couldn't do anything. I feel so helpless. I just wish I could leave and find somewhere that my thinking made sense, you know???
I had to be alone yesterday and last night. I did go to my support group and got a great answer on what seemed like such a simple thing but I'm not thinking too clearly lately. If I want to make sure my Husband is listening just get him to look at me, ask if he is, then ask the my question. I tend to talk in mid-air when my anxiety gets heightened about going out, like yesterday so that when I did ask him a question (3 times) he never answered. This is not unusual. My feelings get hurt, I get angry, I trigger out and I'm gone.
Something else set me off when I got home so I decided to just keep my distance and not argue. He wanted to get into semantics, a favorite rhetorical game of his to throw me off course but since the veils have been lifted with the flashbacks so too has my ability to argue a point like a born attorney so I flipped it on him and finally just asked him if any of this was helpful. He finally said no, so I said let's not do it. I chose to sleep in the spare room for the first time ever and he never sent in my Service Animal, instead I found her in his bed this morning where she is NOT suppose to be.
I am at a loss. His dog is in her crate and he knows mine is not to sleep on the bed at night. I have spent endless hours training her so she would listen to me over him and understand what goes for his dog is often different than her because she is a Service Animal. It's difficult because she is a rescue dog with phobias and I am full of issues and he is gone so much.
I have no idea where I stand.Between age 12 and 50. I want to take my things and leave but I can't afford it. I want to beat some sense into him but that's ridiculous. I want to scream but what difference would it make? I tried to explain to him the problem but all he hears is waww waww waww!!
Somewhere in here is my problem but I can't see it just yet. Some of the edginess comes from just eeking out of a severe Migraine Episode. It changes the chemistry in my brain and add on the meds I add to take to help reduce to the pain and help me sleep, it's not an ideal combo.
I hate this, trying to not slip into the past, not rip into my skin and hurt myself. Nightmares about flooding and burnt animals, trying to save people, old homes, burned out trainers, I couldn't do anything. I feel so helpless. I just wish I could leave and find somewhere that my thinking made sense, you know???
