Not Sure Of The Right Approach

[Jane.l]

I have one session left before my T goes away for 2 weeks , so I was taking the approach that it would be better to talk about some lighter issues than to get in to anything that might make him going even harder - but I am feeling pretty dark and very very desperate most days - getting a lot of flashbacks and nightmares - I have SI for the first time in months and I think my eating disorder is beginning to show up again but in one session I am worried it will do more harm than good to talk and then him go.

Everything is like a balancing act at the moment I am just trying not to let anything tip me over

Should I take the chance of getting some of this out there in one session? - I can't think straight at all

 

[digger]

I would I think. I was in a similar position at the start of the summer before my T went on break. I had a lot of 'big' stuff that I knew we wouldn't be able to get through anywhere near in one session, but I think I really needed to get out there.

It meant that firstly, she was aware that I was feeling quite overwhelmed and took the time that session to go over some basics again with me which helped me to remember while she was away. It also felt a bit like I was able to leave some of it there while she was away though too so it wasn't swamping me quite so much. It was almost like giving myself permission to put some of it on hold.

I wrote down the stuff I needed to get out though, which probably helped get more covered - she was able to address each issue a little bit at least and prioritise, which wouldn't have happened if we'd had to wait for me to be able to voice it.

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks digger - maybe I should write him an email ahead of the session to give him an idea of what's going on, especially as there's a good chance I will go into zombie mode .

Maybe if I just stay with talking about the symptoms we can stick some kind of band aid on it till he gets back - just not sure if we can keep it at that surface level and make the band aid stick !

 

[Jane.l]

I am just so scared of feeling any worse than this

 

[scout86]

Everything is like a balancing act at the moment I am just trying not to let anything tip me over

How about if you start with that? At the moment, it's the biggest issue you're facing immediately, isn't it? Let him help you sort out good ways to deal with that and ways to keep things together for the next couple of weeks.

A lot of times, I think I have to have everything all worked out before I bring it up. It actually often turns out he can help with that process, if I let him.

Sending him an email ahead of time sounds like a great idea.

 

[Friday]

I agree. I think sending him an email, including everything you said on here about him being gone for 2 weeks and unsure of what is the best approach, will let the 2 of you sort out the best approach between you two.

 

[NovemberStar]

I would too - because most of the time just by talking through it, it lightens a little for me.

The other thing is - why not ask your T? Start the session with saying 'I'm aware we just have two sessions left - I'm worried if I go too into things that are really troubling me, it will leave me hanging while you are away'.

 

[Jane.l]

@NovemberStar thanks that's a good opener - I only have one session left before he goes urgh trying not to think about it too much .

I have written him an email telling him that I am having these issues and I am unsure if now is a good time to go into it - but equally I need to try and keep safe with him away .

So at least he knows . We will spend the next session trying to put things in place for him not being around. It's hard to talk about it to him without it sounding like I am laying a guilt trip on him and I am really not - it just throws me and it's never a good time .

 

[NovemberStar]

@Jane.l If he is a good T he will understand it's always a difficult time for clients when they leave for a while. I'm currently half way thought a 5 week break as my T is on holiday on the other side of the world. It's good you're talking about strategies to cope with the time he is away. It's unlikely he will see it as a guilt trip! But if you're worried he might see it that way - just tell him - I find voicing what's on my mind is a good way to 'check it out'. Seldom are our worst fears true :).

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks @NovemberStar he has been away quite a bit this year - he knows I find it hard - he did tell me he wasn't going away again till the end of the year but obviously his plans changed which happens , it's just thrown me a bit , partly because I am not doing too well at the moment and partly because we've had a few rocky moments and have only just got back on track .

I know he 'gets' why it's hard for me not having him around - we used to email a few times when he was away but I would like to just leave him to chill and get a break.

5 weeks is a long time - that would send me into total melt down - how have you coped ?

 

[Leigh925]

@Jane.l I was just wondering how you are doing and how your last visit went. I am having the same issue. My last appt is Thursday before my therapist leaves for two weeks and I am really nervous about it. I don't want to be left hanging or feel undone and I definitely want to be prepared for the next two weeks. I just wondered how you ended up handling the last appointment and if you feel it is working for you.

 

[Jane.l]

Hi @Leigh925 - we actually got an extra session in the day before he went - because I had had a difficult situation come up that we had to deal with in the session that was meant to be the last one - even if you plan things to be straight forward they never are !

So we spent the last session talking about what I thought I would find hard and how to approach that. I guessed what I would feel but realise now I got it a bit wrong - so we ended up talking about things that haven't been an issue - yet ! - I am actually finding that thing of him being 'gone ' affected me most to start with - abandonment issues, which I thought I had sorted and just that I use him so much as a sounding board .

He said I could email him if I needed to but he might not pick it up . I sent him an email last night - thought I would try and just send one a week and I actually feel much better for having done that, it seems to have got it straighter in my head.

I also realise that I was getting in a panic because I was looking at it thinking how the hell I am I going to cope the second week - I am so much better if I don't look ahead and just focus on what I need to do to get to the end of the day and I am hoping that the days will slip away until he's back .

I am glad we used the last session to talk just about coping with him away - although we kind of just touched the edges of somethings and kept a light as possible it helps to think he gets me.
Having said all that I am very up and down and could feel totally different tomorrow - but today it's ok ish

Don't forget we are here when your T is away.