Not Sure What I Am Feeling Right Now

[KwanYingirl]

Your situation reminds me of a family I got to know because I dated one of the ten of them. The mother was aging and very arthritic and she had to use a scooter to get around. Half the kids wanted her to live in assisted living so she wasn't isolated, the other half wanted her to be independent (she needed a lot of help). They pitched in and got her a home aide and one of them left his credit card number with the local cab so all she had to do is call them to go to church or the store. She was very cruel and the kids had all been brutalized and girls raped by the oldest boy-now a priest BTW.
She fired every person they hired to help her, she faked heart attacks to get them all to come visit her, she criticized all of them except the priest (and he was a ginormous dickhead). I guess my point is that no matter what or where she laid her head, she tortured her children. All grown successful people walking on eggshells, bending over backwards trying to help her and she was totally ungrateful.
You have doctors advising you what you know to be true. She will set your recovery into a tailspin. Karma, baby. You suffered loooong enough. Keep your focus on your recovery.

 

[Chava]

Just say, "No Mom...!!! What else can I do to help you where you are at???????? N O !!!!

 

[desiderata310]

@Chava @KwanYingirl You're right. I know you're right.But the entire idea has me tied in knots.
Would me telling her that my THERAPIST said this was a terrible idea help? Probably not. I've not even told her I am in therapy... twice a week.. for PTSD both relating to my ex and to sexual child abuse... I am not ready to open that can of worms with her.

I had my second session this morning. My therapist said the same thing. Tell her NO. Actually said I need to do it sooner than later. Yeah... just thinking about it freaks me out.


If I ignore it and stick my head in the sand, it'll just go away, right?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, sticking your head in the sand will cut you out of all the happiness you deserve. I'd reserve that for times of utter despair and use it only as a brief respite.
You can do this. Try using the DEAR MAN template from DBT therapy. It worked wonders for me after I had that pervert client I had to get rid of. I was literally paralyzed by that whole scene. Practice with us and/or your therapist what you will say. I am becoming more and more estranged from my family as they do not believe I am sick from chemical exposure. For the pervert I had a client who is a guidance counselor coach me through my firing him as a client. She told me exactly what to say, even wrote it down.
It amazes me that all these years later, we are still trapped by our childhood, we're grown now and we owe it to ourselves to thrive.
Look up DEAR MAN and write a script using the guidelines your therapist can help too. Practice it on us, til your courage kicks in. I hate conflict but this technique closed a very bad story for me. At least read the guidelines. You can do it!