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Relationship Now I Need Help...
- Post starter Trembling
- Start date
- Status
SeekingSerenity
Diamond Member
Hey Trembling, Just be aware that even though he has told you that there will be no more rollercoaster, its not within his control. Its still gonna be there, and its NOT his fault. Maybe you are lucky and the lows are not so low anymore... Just forgive him, he has no control over the rollercoaster, no matter how hard he tries. :(
- Post starter
- #39
SeekingSerenity, I am aware of this and I only hope it will never be as bad as it was, as it really changed not only our life. Others were involved who also are now in troubles, which made the situation not only ours anymore. BUT, this is right now in the past, just a few days, but it its.
As you said, low, lower - the lowest, we do not want to go there again. We know it is not totally over, at least I am aware of this, but I will do my best to slow things down, to make him realize that there are safe places and I am there for him.
My feelings are getting better, and of course, because they do, I immediately feel a slight fear that it is too early to feel good, but this makes me think of a post I read, it its important to live day by day and for the beautiful moments.
Today we both have an appointment in the afternoon with the doc, lets see.
My love did a lot at home, its so good he is back, not for the work but to see my man being him again.
As you said, low, lower - the lowest, we do not want to go there again. We know it is not totally over, at least I am aware of this, but I will do my best to slow things down, to make him realize that there are safe places and I am there for him.
My feelings are getting better, and of course, because they do, I immediately feel a slight fear that it is too early to feel good, but this makes me think of a post I read, it its important to live day by day and for the beautiful moments.
Today we both have an appointment in the afternoon with the doc, lets see.
My love did a lot at home, its so good he is back, not for the work but to see my man being him again.
- Post starter
- #40
Hi guys, we have been at the doc on Friday and it was really good, he confirmed that my feeling of a slight depression is because of the sudden change of everything, as Amethist already said.
I still have this "down" feeling in the evenings, only when I get home. During the day at work everything is just fine, stressed as usual and then I am happy to see my man, we go to the gym together, and all of the sudden it is there again, not as bad as it was, but still.
He is doing really good, no drinking at all, and finally he is dreaming again, even if there are bad dreams, but now he remembers and it is all while he is sober.
The EMDR specialist at the hospital said, dreams are good, as the eye movement is important!
I am so glad and thankful for all of your help.
I hope it is ok to come here and leave posts, even though right now we are doing fine.
HUGS
I still have this "down" feeling in the evenings, only when I get home. During the day at work everything is just fine, stressed as usual and then I am happy to see my man, we go to the gym together, and all of the sudden it is there again, not as bad as it was, but still.
He is doing really good, no drinking at all, and finally he is dreaming again, even if there are bad dreams, but now he remembers and it is all while he is sober.
The EMDR specialist at the hospital said, dreams are good, as the eye movement is important!
I am so glad and thankful for all of your help.
I hope it is ok to come here and leave posts, even though right now we are doing fine.
HUGS
amethist
VIP Member
Dont you run away Trembling, this is just the beginning of it all.
I dont want to spoil your mood, but this is just the start of his recovery as far as the drink is concerned. A relapse is possible with the first few months, but having kicked it once, it is easier to get back off it again.
He may always have the odd glitch, and any one who tells you he wont is lying to you. But understanding why, helps to deal with it. Usually something that tips the balance too much can be a cause to just have that odd 1 or 6.
It is a long and winding road trembling and we will always be on it, just easier walk down, as time goes on.
I dont want to spoil your mood, but this is just the start of his recovery as far as the drink is concerned. A relapse is possible with the first few months, but having kicked it once, it is easier to get back off it again.
He may always have the odd glitch, and any one who tells you he wont is lying to you. But understanding why, helps to deal with it. Usually something that tips the balance too much can be a cause to just have that odd 1 or 6.
It is a long and winding road trembling and we will always be on it, just easier walk down, as time goes on.
ProudWife99
Gold Member
Glad to hear things are going better for you, Trembling - but I do agree with amethist, this is the beginning. Don't get caught up in the "you said this would never happen again" when it does. It only adds to the hurt and feelings of disappointment when things get tough. When he assures you there will be no more roller coaster I would recommend you remind him that PTSD must be managed and cannot be cured. Relationships are a roller coaster, PTSD just makes the ride more scary. Remind him (and yourself) that there will be more, but with help, patience, and compassion things can improve.
amethist
VIP Member
Trembling I do hope you come back and let us know how things are going. Like I said above this is just the beginning, and I am sharing an example of what I mean with you now.
Even though my husband did the 10 day detox, he does have times when he does have a drink, yesterday was one of them.
His reason was, that his head was spinning with so much stuff, he could not calm it. The drugs did it before, but he does not want to go back to them as strong, as he was like a lifeless zombie on them.
Yesterday it all got too much again, so off he went, while I was out to have a few to get the same effects as the drugs, a short term numbing. Only trouble was, yesterday this may him ill, and he was not well for the rest of the night.
So for a short time of numbing, he ended up being ill for about 8 hours after, and still not right this morning.
Plus the hurt and upset I felt again. This will happen again, but hopefully not for a while again.
So you see, they may have had the help to get the alcohol out of their system, but not using it as a coping method, takes a lot longer.
Hang in there and support him as much as you can, though it wont be easy.
Take care.
Amethist
Even though my husband did the 10 day detox, he does have times when he does have a drink, yesterday was one of them.
His reason was, that his head was spinning with so much stuff, he could not calm it. The drugs did it before, but he does not want to go back to them as strong, as he was like a lifeless zombie on them.
Yesterday it all got too much again, so off he went, while I was out to have a few to get the same effects as the drugs, a short term numbing. Only trouble was, yesterday this may him ill, and he was not well for the rest of the night.
So for a short time of numbing, he ended up being ill for about 8 hours after, and still not right this morning.
Plus the hurt and upset I felt again. This will happen again, but hopefully not for a while again.
So you see, they may have had the help to get the alcohol out of their system, but not using it as a coping method, takes a lot longer.
Hang in there and support him as much as you can, though it wont be easy.
Take care.
Amethist
- Post starter
- #44
Amethist and ProudWife99, things are still good and we are going to the doc every Friday, first my man talks alone, and then we talk together.
My love is taking his medication, and I have to say he is just fine with them. Most important at the moment, he really wants to take them, as his feelings are much more "controlled" and the dark thoughts do not show up that easily.
In addition, quitting his job was another good decision he made, though it changed our life (the whole break down and smashing things), he is less stressed. I remind him every single day to stay away from stress ;), however we all know this is not possible forever, but he takes time for himself, lays down on the couch, or does stuff at home.
He still has a drink on his mind, and honestly I do understand. He never had a problem with alcohol before, but of course the terrible period we were in, lasted about 2 month, with drinks almost every single day.
His dream, is to have a beer when we go to the beach, when we have a BBQ, or a glass of and wine when going for dinner. He will go back to this stage and I am only hoping that he will be strong enough to fight the darkness, which makes him drink more and more.
For now, he still wants to live healthy, tries to quit smoking, and until our wedding in May there will be no alcohol, no beer, no wine, no nothing.
If I say I am not scared of that - oh my god, I would be lying to myself, but I will be there, as always.
Amethist, reading your experience really makes me feel stronger, why? Because you are there for your man too, and you can do it, so I believe in myself and will always remember that we are all on a roller coaster.
ProudWife99, even if it is a really scary one, I am on it already, and I will finish the ride, together with my man.
Take care!
My love is taking his medication, and I have to say he is just fine with them. Most important at the moment, he really wants to take them, as his feelings are much more "controlled" and the dark thoughts do not show up that easily.
In addition, quitting his job was another good decision he made, though it changed our life (the whole break down and smashing things), he is less stressed. I remind him every single day to stay away from stress ;), however we all know this is not possible forever, but he takes time for himself, lays down on the couch, or does stuff at home.
He still has a drink on his mind, and honestly I do understand. He never had a problem with alcohol before, but of course the terrible period we were in, lasted about 2 month, with drinks almost every single day.
His dream, is to have a beer when we go to the beach, when we have a BBQ, or a glass of and wine when going for dinner. He will go back to this stage and I am only hoping that he will be strong enough to fight the darkness, which makes him drink more and more.
For now, he still wants to live healthy, tries to quit smoking, and until our wedding in May there will be no alcohol, no beer, no wine, no nothing.
If I say I am not scared of that - oh my god, I would be lying to myself, but I will be there, as always.
Amethist, reading your experience really makes me feel stronger, why? Because you are there for your man too, and you can do it, so I believe in myself and will always remember that we are all on a roller coaster.
ProudWife99, even if it is a really scary one, I am on it already, and I will finish the ride, together with my man.
Take care!
- Post starter
- #45
Hi you all - I am back. :tdown:
My man was arrested yesterday evening and I know everyone will be wondering now, why isn't she there to get him our, instead of writing here.
Because, the first time I got him out, two weeks before his clinic treatment, I told him, this would be the first and last time ever, getting him out of prison.
Honestly, I do not even know how I feel right now. Again.
When I drove home yesterday I damaged my car, as I was so "absent" and hit the curb, oh my god, it could have been someone....and not a curb.
He exactly made it through three weeks without alcohol and PTSD. He felt so confident about himself the night before, that I had a strong suspicion he would like to try without meds. He said " I feel great, as if I did not need the meds anymore" for me that was a hug warning bell - so I said, this is only because the meds make you feel like that, you need them.
In the morning I went off to work of course, and so I did not control him (how??).
And I guess the following story might also be a bit of an ignition: He found a puppy on the side of the road, 4 days ago, he was so into it, and went to the vet for injections, after that the little thing - I fell in love with it immediately - got sick, very, she was so tiny anyway...yesterday afternoon my man brought her to the Vet who is 100 km away from our place, and he said he will try to save her, but it was not sure. So my man had to leave her at the hospital, and after that it started.
Now it became a very long story.
I have to go now, and I will not come back home for the weekend. I cannot see him, I do not want to talk to him, I just cannot.
I will be online later I guess.
Thank you.
Amethyst you were so right.
My man was arrested yesterday evening and I know everyone will be wondering now, why isn't she there to get him our, instead of writing here.
Because, the first time I got him out, two weeks before his clinic treatment, I told him, this would be the first and last time ever, getting him out of prison.
Honestly, I do not even know how I feel right now. Again.
When I drove home yesterday I damaged my car, as I was so "absent" and hit the curb, oh my god, it could have been someone....and not a curb.
He exactly made it through three weeks without alcohol and PTSD. He felt so confident about himself the night before, that I had a strong suspicion he would like to try without meds. He said " I feel great, as if I did not need the meds anymore" for me that was a hug warning bell - so I said, this is only because the meds make you feel like that, you need them.
In the morning I went off to work of course, and so I did not control him (how??).
And I guess the following story might also be a bit of an ignition: He found a puppy on the side of the road, 4 days ago, he was so into it, and went to the vet for injections, after that the little thing - I fell in love with it immediately - got sick, very, she was so tiny anyway...yesterday afternoon my man brought her to the Vet who is 100 km away from our place, and he said he will try to save her, but it was not sure. So my man had to leave her at the hospital, and after that it started.
Now it became a very long story.
I have to go now, and I will not come back home for the weekend. I cannot see him, I do not want to talk to him, I just cannot.
I will be online later I guess.
Thank you.
Amethyst you were so right.
amethist
VIP Member
I am so sorry to hear this Trembling, unfortunately not surprised though.
He has to learn and fast, that he needs to take his meds. He has to keep away from alcohol for a long time, and he has to learn and understand just how much it will keep damaging him. this will take a long time and it will be a long time before he can even think about drinking again. Even then he will not be able to drink as he used to, it will effect him differently.
My husband took the meds they gave him after his detox, for over a year. These were to help stop the cravings, and he took them daily, without fail, he had to or he would have been back there within a year.
It is almost 4 years since then for my husband, and he still has to take care with drinking. 2 pints of normal larger, takes around 24 hours for it to stop effecting him. So now he drinks shandy and only 2 and only occasionally.
It is up to you if you stay and support him through this, I did because my husband wanted to stop, he wanted to see his grandchildren grow up, he wanted so many things, and he knew without stopping, he would die. No questions about it, the drink would kill him.
Oh he has had times when he has had a few and suffered for it afterwards, both from me and the effects of it.
It is up to you what you do know, no one can tell you, this will be your decision alone.
But I am here if you ever want to talk.
He has to learn and fast, that he needs to take his meds. He has to keep away from alcohol for a long time, and he has to learn and understand just how much it will keep damaging him. this will take a long time and it will be a long time before he can even think about drinking again. Even then he will not be able to drink as he used to, it will effect him differently.
My husband took the meds they gave him after his detox, for over a year. These were to help stop the cravings, and he took them daily, without fail, he had to or he would have been back there within a year.
It is almost 4 years since then for my husband, and he still has to take care with drinking. 2 pints of normal larger, takes around 24 hours for it to stop effecting him. So now he drinks shandy and only 2 and only occasionally.
It is up to you if you stay and support him through this, I did because my husband wanted to stop, he wanted to see his grandchildren grow up, he wanted so many things, and he knew without stopping, he would die. No questions about it, the drink would kill him.
Oh he has had times when he has had a few and suffered for it afterwards, both from me and the effects of it.
It is up to you what you do know, no one can tell you, this will be your decision alone.
But I am here if you ever want to talk.
- Post starter
- #47
Hi!
I did as I said, I saw him when we was released from Police, and I told him straight in his face, that I just could not talk to him and that I would not come home.
He was shocked. He wanted me so badly to hug him or kiss him, but I could not. I was trembling, as I kept my anger inside, I felt like punching him.
I made it clear to him that I do not want to hear from him as I needed these two days to rest myself, and to calm down. He sent me messages, but I had told him I would not reply.
This time I even told his family what happened, and he knows that too. I have no idea what he is doing, if he is thinking too, or if he is just drinking again. But right now I can tell you what I will do - I will take a hot bath in my nice hotel room.
I was thinking a lot about postponing the wedding or even cancelling it - but I guess I just will still be there for him, and will stand by him.
Maybe one day I will be able to look back, knowing that I did the right decision in marrying him, though it will never be easy.
I don't know. I still need some more time to put my spinning head back at rest.
Amethyst, we are still waiting for this "against craving" medication, it is hard to get where we are, so I still hope it will arrive soon. The doc told me today that it was already quite a success to go through the last three weeks without drinking - and it will get better ;) time will show.
I did as I said, I saw him when we was released from Police, and I told him straight in his face, that I just could not talk to him and that I would not come home.
He was shocked. He wanted me so badly to hug him or kiss him, but I could not. I was trembling, as I kept my anger inside, I felt like punching him.
I made it clear to him that I do not want to hear from him as I needed these two days to rest myself, and to calm down. He sent me messages, but I had told him I would not reply.
This time I even told his family what happened, and he knows that too. I have no idea what he is doing, if he is thinking too, or if he is just drinking again. But right now I can tell you what I will do - I will take a hot bath in my nice hotel room.
I was thinking a lot about postponing the wedding or even cancelling it - but I guess I just will still be there for him, and will stand by him.
Maybe one day I will be able to look back, knowing that I did the right decision in marrying him, though it will never be easy.
I don't know. I still need some more time to put my spinning head back at rest.
Amethyst, we are still waiting for this "against craving" medication, it is hard to get where we are, so I still hope it will arrive soon. The doc told me today that it was already quite a success to go through the last three weeks without drinking - and it will get better ;) time will show.
SeekingSerenity
Diamond Member
(((((trembling)))))
You are very strong. You are sticking to your guns, good for you. As Amethist said above, he HAS to stick to his meds, he HAS to stay off the drink, COMPLETELY. Its the ONLY way. Your tough love, and you looking after yourself, may be just what he needs.
Stick around, you will still need this forum for a while. And we will be here for you every time.
You are very strong. You are sticking to your guns, good for you. As Amethist said above, he HAS to stick to his meds, he HAS to stay off the drink, COMPLETELY. Its the ONLY way. Your tough love, and you looking after yourself, may be just what he needs.
Stick around, you will still need this forum for a while. And we will be here for you every time.
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