Obsessing Over Lost Friendships

[GhostedGirl]

I've never associated myself with my biological family. They were abusive, drunk, and drugged all the time. The main point of pride I has as a child was that I wasn't like them. I found familial relationships with my friends and created bonds with them I felt were completely unbreakable. Then a few years ago, after a break up with my boyfriend, something changed. To make a long story short, some of the closest friendship I ever had fell apart. I felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone! I saw sides of my closest friends I had never seen before and I was horrified.

The last straw came in late December of last year, and everything came to a head. And now in June, I find myself still thinking about what happened. I know now that incident had less to do with me and more to do with my ex's manipulation, as well as others. But the pain remains. The worst part about it: My husband is an amazing man. My remaining friendships are stronger than ever, and my life is truly blessed... and I can't stop thinking about people who shouldn't matter anymore! I replay the arguments over and over, trying to figure out where things went wrong. Sometimes I get so angry I have fits of rage over the scenarios playing out in my mind. I hate it, my life and the people in it deserve my full attention and energy, and I can't stop hating these people. I feel terribly guilty about it. :(

 

[Srain]

It's so hard to give your full attention to those around you in the here and now while living in 2 different places. There was a time during which I was in the midst of my flashbacks that my dearest friends and I all collided for various reasons. I felt totally abandoned and left with pure anger, mistrust, and deep feelings of abandonment, as well as disappointment. I tied these all together and I'm not too sure that was fair. Your situation may be very different but this reminded me of it.

I'm so sorry for your loss of friends and what has happened. It might worth working through this with a professional to figure out why this still plagues to this degree. It might help you go through and figure out just what is needling you get past it.

Welcome to the forum, we are glad you are here,
Rain

 

[Tinyflame]

I have very little family but feel like a burden to burden friends.

By the same token, my life has blown apart so many times I find the best (only) thing I can do sometimes is put one foot in front of the other even though I have no idea where I am going.

I would concentrate on the 'truly blessed' part, and give yourself time to learn how to trust (trustworthy) people again.
I've heard a lot, "Trust anyway" (even though/ when it seems very difficult).

Hugs-

 

[GhostedGirl]

Thank you for your encouragement. It feels good to know I'm not the only one :)

 

[Reclusive]

I have friendships in the past that have blown up for one reason or another and some of them still 'haunt' me. I try to approach them from a place of gratitude - I am grateful to have had the friendship in my life even though it's gone now. It's hard and I'm not always successful, but sometimes I am.

Welcome aboard!