Off Meds Five Months

[Powder]

I'm proud that I haven't caved five months in on no meds and having undergone some moderate clustering of stressors.

I'm finding ways to cope: exercise, drink water, walk, breathe, enjoy something simple, talk about it, etc.

I'm far from ideal or perfect in my coping, but I'm kinda surprised I could take the stressors I have recently without turning to a pill. (I still have some left for just in case, and I haven't taken them.)

Some days, I do have some dissociation, memory glitches, and I do have my share of headaches, literally.

 

[illusionist]

Good for you @Muse .......I don't imagine it is easy.

 

[Hope69]

congrats on developing good coping skills. All the best!

 

[EveHarrington]

Congrats!

 

[shimmerz]

Really great job!

 

[Powder]

Ah, shucks, thank you all for your kind words.
I've got more to go. I still need to find more time for R&R and exercise. I do what I can, but gosh, I'm tired some days.

 

[The Albatross]

Whoo hoo MUSE! Good on you gal, really! :tup:;)

 

[Powder]

Thank you, @Albatross,

I'm struggling with Shingles in the eyes: it's the left eye today, right was 16 days ago. Missing some work. Taking Valtrex. But it is good to know I have coping skills and don't have to turn to a pill every time something bad happens to me. I am reaching out to people and opening up just a bit more.

It's not easy to change. Small steps.

 

[The Albatross]

God love you Muse if I could whack you on the head with a magic wand I would. I know though personally and from a couple others that there are a ton of rare auto immunes... can any progress be made there with a run at a diagnosis? At least so you might not have to continue to go through this? I know in my case there is nothing new "under the sun" and diagnosis won't help but for two people in my circle it is helping.

 

[Powder]

I hope you're right and that the Infectious Disease (Eeewww, can they come up with a better name?!) specialist has some ideas the family doctors don't seem to have for me.

As you know, they have to "Rule Out" all kinds of potentially fatal things first: cancer, HIV, and all that. I've already been tested for so many things, and it's always perfect.

Given my abuse memories/history, I am fortunate no STDs and am fortunate that only broken bone was my nose, which if I could afford, wouldn't be an expensive surgery to have done. My nose Asymetry is subtle, but to me, it shows more with my age. I'm 39 and I now feel like my face is not the same as in my 20s, my crooked nose being a part of that.

I forgot how I got the broken nose until recently. For me, I want time to consider. It's the only tangible "proof" of the abuse at home, and I know my parents both knew about it, and my grandparents always noticed my constant nosebleeds that I had for a couple years after that injury.

I am not sure about fixing my nose. And since my "Modeling career" (an inside joke because I only did one gig for a friend's film story board) is long over, and my hubby likes me as I am, any surgery would be pure vanity on my part.

 

[Iamsensative]

Good for you Muse! :) hope you feel better soon.. One day at a time..sorry i know we are all tired of hearing this;)

 

[Powder]

Thank you, @Iamsensative
No, not tired of hearing that, since it's true. :)

And even more so, since I'm been getting Shingles in my eyes for a month. Every specialist I'm seeing doesn't believe me until I show them the lab work proving it.

I'm so grateful I finally got a Dr. to find a way to prove that's what I've been suffering from for about 14 years, increasingly.

Usually, there is some elevated stress and I do have PTSD, but the last two Dr.s both said, that they have to search for the culprit for my weak immune system, since PTSD is not listed cause of that for recurring Herpes Zoster (Shingles) in young adults. Especially all over the body.

Given my med history, the specialist said that she suspects an autoimmune disease, or something else more serious. Even though I want to procrastinate about medical stuff due to it being a trigger (medical people scare me because both parents were that, and they were so crazy and abusive, yet successful as medical professionals, so I am terrified the person touching me is a pervert, even though I know not everyone is like my abusers).

I have actively fought my distorted cognition about my abusers and typing others who check the same boxes professionally or with religion.

In so doing, I'm focusing on my health and getting to the bottom of what's hyjacking it, besides PTSD. If nothing is found, then I will keep searching.

Last time, I told myself my esophegal spasms were just stress from PTSD and overlooked that I was developing a severe wheat allergy. Since cutting out wheat entirely, my "PTSD" symptoms involving my tummy (really my immune system) are much better.

Likewise, I cannot assume my Shingles are only PTSD based. It's all connected.

Meanwhile, my severe Wheat allergy and long list of allergies, points a finger that I do have an autoimmune disease. We need to find it, and then I will know more how to manage all the clusters of symptoms I have. Maybe my PTSD symptoms will also benefit.

Cheers!