Old Friends

[Deleted member 1860]

I have written about this old friend of mine in the past. (Not sure if anyone will remember, but yes, this is about "Mimi".)

Anyway, Mimi and I have been friends on and off since we were about 13 or so. Things went very wrong about a year ago, and I stopped talking to her. I recently said "hi" to her again on Facebook thinking that maybe we could give the friendship another try.

Negative things were said/done on both ends, and I apologized for my actions. She told me that I needed to tell her everything bad that I said about her to another person (mutual friend of sorts). I told her that I honestly didn't remember, but she didn't believe me. She told me that it would be "purging" for me to "confess".

I don't know about you, but who remembers all of the stuff they did/said a year ago? I knew the gist of what i said and why I was mad, but that was about it. I guess I just found it a bit odd that I needed to confess all of that stuff from so long ago because it felt like I needed to do so in order for her to consider being my friend again!

It felt like she was being very controlling. (She's always had a controlling side.) Only this time I was able to see it for what it was and not react. She was even telling me how I needed to reconnect with another person whom I had a falling out with because it is rare to find someone who cares about you that much. (Read: co-dependent.) The chapter had closed on that person and I refuse to reconnect because he lied to me about things from day one .

I'm happy that I've made amends, but I don't really have much hope for a future friendship with her. I see she still has a very controlling side, and I just don't mesh well with that personality type. (At least not when I'm in a healthy place!)

thanks for reading. I needed to get that out.

 

[reallydown]

Hi. I think you've done what was on you - you've apologized for your actions and your part in the whole mess and you've reached out in an effort to revive the friendship. It seems the rest is up to her. She can't just go demanding you do this or that without acknowledging her part in it too. At least that's my take.

I've had something similar-ish happen about a year and a half ago...She said and did some things and accused me of things that I didn't do etc. to the point where I ended all contact and I wasn't going to go back but after several months, I sent a letter, explaining why I acted the way I did and apologizing for my part etc. There was no reply. Then around Christmas time I accidentally included her in a message I sent to a bunch of people and some contact was reestablished but it was all on the surface - which prompted me to ask her if she still thinks I'm some kind of monster - which she didn't take kindly to and attacked me again. The first time it happened, I was very hurt but this time I expected it and I also realized that her accusations etc were her projections. I also suspect she's a narcissist and ultimately, probably someone I shouldn't be friends with. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, you can only do so much and often, sadly, there comes a time when you realize the other person isn't ready or worth it etc.