On The Verge Of A Attack

[TXbandit]

I can't seem to get a hold of these things lately. I have so much going on in my life at opnce and therapy is making me a freakin basket case. Driving to work or driving period sets me off. People's emotions set me off. Noises. Quick moving objects
My fingers are shaking as I am typing this. I can;t let my emotions out. I never have over the past 20 years and it kills me to even let a little out, I'm so frustrated with this f*ckin ptsd!!!!! Ihate it! I just want to hide in a dark spot and not come out. All I feel like doing is crying. Will therapy ever get easy?

 

[TXbandit]

I keep having to shake my arms to ease these crazy feelings in my arms. I feel like my soul wants to jump out of my body. Or jump out of my skin. It's nauseating. My whole body feels like it is going to convulse. Is this happening because I wont let these emotions I have packed deep within out?

 

[joeylittle]

I think at this point, it's happening because your system has adrenaline in it, and no amount of thinking will make it go away. It just needs to metabolize. I hate adrenaline, often.

Can you just sit and breathe? In for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four? I find that focusing on the counting plus the regulation of my air supply really helps me feel better, inside of about four minutes/five minutes

I'm sorry you're suffering. It's a nasty feeling.

 

[TXbandit]

Thank you @joeylittle I'm am feeling a little better now that @BigBear has come to the rescue on chat.
I have done the breathing but sometimes it makes it worse for some reason. I think it stems from a breathing exorcize that my t had me do. I left the session and was not in a good state of mind and almost had a wreck because I was not in the now. I was on autopilot I guess. Dissociating maybe. I'm not sure. All of that is still confusing to me. I can't even identify what my emotions are.

 

[TXbandit]

Do you think it is good or bad to stop an attack? My T said I need to let my emotions flow. If I am distracting myself out of a panic attack, (I must be having one for a emotional reasons,right?) am I holding in my emotions?

 

[joeylittle]

Personally, I think emotions should flow, but not in a crisis setting, and to me, a panic attack is a crisis setting. A really intense emotional surge, where there's lots of grief, or anger, or what-not - it can be good to let that come out, especially if you are OK with some emotion regulation (DBT) skills - at least, those are what keep me from totally going over the edge.

But when it's about the out-of-control heart rate, the inability to think, the major physical meltdown - then no, I think that's not about releasing emotion, that's about allowing yourself to be slightly re-traumatized, and it's better to practice management - because anything where you lose total control of yourself physically in that way is dangerous, in a real-life way, and you want to always be able to handle it.

But that's just what I think. I'm curious what others have to say - it's an interesting question.

 

[TXbandit]

That totally makes sense to me what you said about crisis situation I just wonder if holding one back, which I do often, makes for a really serious one down the road.

I had a huge meltdown Sunday and it ultimately led me to miss work yesterday. My body hurt and my head was not right. I don't think it was as bad today as was Sunday. Still scary shit though.

 

[TonyG]

So why do you hold back your emotions, I do my best to keep it together at work but at home I just let it go,

 

[TXbandit]

I am at work and I can't get into why I hold my emotions in right now. I'll end up right where I started hours ago.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I can totally relate x it's so horrible and I really feel for u . I hate my cptsd ,the flash backs the emdr the brain spittung the traumas the anger and the anxiety . Does it get better? Who knows!!! But if it does plz let me know. Can anyone please tell me abt this roller coaster of emotions!!!! I've now gone from extreme anger to anxiety, I'm scared of my own shadow. I'm scared of being on my own, I just feel real anxiety all the time and I hate it. Everytime I get over one obstacle I'm faced with another. I'm fed up, scared, tired, lonely , anxious and really emotional. I can't watch or hear n e ting sad without crying and if I'm not crying I'm panicky. And I'm trying to hold down a very stressful job, be a wife a parent and everything else that comes with life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do and it's stressing me out. Please can someone advise???

 

[Chava]

Do you think it is good or bad to stop an attack? My T said I need to let my emotions flow. If I am distracting myself out of a panic attack, (I must be having one for a emotional reasons,right?) am I holding in my emotions?

Sorry it's super tough right now. I don't do well with emotions either and I've had periods when I felt like I couldn't possibly de-stress...like overload and near nervous breakdown. Honestly, when you get a chance, hiding isn't a dumb idea. I've sheltered myself in the tiniest most interior room of my house, wrapped in blanket....dim lights, no sound. Also, when really on edge, like the shaky stuff (I feel buzzing all over my body or other feelings of horrid adrenaline gush), it helps me to squeeze my arms or push against something with my legs...a wall, anything (I do somatic-type trauma therapy so focus a lot on releasing stress physically, like letting "fight" or flight reflexes have some exit from my body). Sometimes I need more physical exertion or exercise, like I want to tip my car (hasn't happened yet!). Other times I need to wrap myself up tight and really hide in a corner or something. When feeling better I try to seek out some form of positive experience, even if just some good music and tea or something. But when it's really bad, finding either an "exit" for the stress or a way to feel safe or protected, if that's what I need.

Anyway, I think less about emotions or thoughts when the energy and feelings are intense...like panic or meltdown. I focus on the energy and feelings in my body without thinking about what they mean or where they come from...more just try to find grounding or a safe release for some of that energy. It's taken me a while to figure out what helps and my meltdowns still feel pretty crazy. But this sort of stuff helps some, sometimes quickly, sometimes over the course of a few days.

hang in there!!!

 

[TXbandit]

Thank you everyone for responding. I just don't have anything to say right now. Ugh. Just don't have it in me today.