Opinions Needed

[Shattered]

I start down the path you have described on a regular basis. I happened to talk to my T about this on Tuesday. She had me tell her all the possible reasons, having nothing to do with me, that I wouldn't get a response. My homework from T was to think of three positive reasons for every one negative reason when I get started down this particular path.

Example: No response because they don't like me, and they are trying to figure a way out of responding to me.

1. Bogged down at work
2. Sick child
3. Didn't get the message

So, my advice is do the above. Not getting an immediate response will trigger our anxiety and negative self-talk every time. We start doing the "what if" game and we always make ourselves the loser. Hope this helps.

 

[Tinyflame]

Asking for anything can be very difficult.
xox

 

[VDWngr1355]

Thanks for the responses everyone and I love making the list of three positives for every negative. I will do that. I did finally get a response via email today! I have an appointment early next week with the T and he said in the email that he didn't have any openings during this past week. Thanks again everyone for the help and support.

 

[maddog]

Wow, what a relief, so so glad you did finally get your reply and that one of the simple logical explanations appears to have been the correct choice. I so hope you can rest a little easier tonight knowing that you are back on track with an appointment to aim for next week.

In thinking about this a little more, it struck me that part of what I have struggled with in this very situation is this whole concept of needing to assert my right to something good that I desire, something which inherently I feel as though I don't deserve. My T, much as I treasure him, is really terribly disorganised about phone and e-mail messages etc, partly due to the fact that he is utterly insanely busy, and partly because it's just who he is. I can almost guarantee that he won't respond to messages (though I know he reads them all, because I've watched the way he works and he also responds without fail if I indicate that the matter is urgent) and if I want to pin him down, such as for an appointment time, I literally need to keep calling and writing and calling and writing until I fluke a connection with him. He is always totally fine and upbeat about making the next appointment, and to this day I'm not sure if he is aware of the utterly irrational frustration and discomfort that it causes me to have to push my rights and needs so overtly in this way. Hell, he may do it deliberately for all I know, for that very reason!

But all that to say that it's very hard to have to go so against the grain and advocate for ourselves, so much easier to do what I have done many times and hide fearfully in the shadows, hoping beyond hope that he'll remember me by chance and make the approach himself. As he says quite openly, "if you want something in life, you've got to get out there and get it!"

Maddog

 

[Srain]

I'm glad that you finally heard from your tdoc. I have to agree with what has been said here. I really agree with Maddog and the if you want you have to go after it. I would probably have a discussion with your tdoc about this, if you have concerns. I, personally don't see much problem with not hearing back for a day but would expect to hear by the end of the 2nd day, that's just been my experience with them.

My tdoc gets back to me within hrs unless it's a "I'm so fk'd up call" rare, but it happens...she will usually let me figure it out (which I am really very okay with)but only once in awhile has she called me back.

We did discuss this from the start. She understood and I understood who's needs were what and how things would be handled. I would strongly suggest doing this rather assuming anything. I totally suck at assuming :x3: