Opinions Required

[JustBe]

(((MT)))
I hope this gives you a bit of comfort.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Thank you Movin on.. Just had a very bad day, my shoulder and neck pain has got so bad, I can hardly feel my fingers. I went to see the physio who said nothing can be done, I have to cope with the pain and deal with it. So I went to see a massage therapist who said the nerves are getting pinched and if I ignore it the fingers will lose sensation. So she suggested I see another natural therapist who could help. I dont know anymore I just cannot seem to find anything positive anymore. Its like everything is caving in on me..

Feel like running away.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Mandy))) I am thinking of you today. I remember being destroyed and devastated and looking back do not know how I managed to get through it. I just put one foot in front of the other. I am so sad that it is affecting your body.

I did alot of journaling. It was the worst to go through in my adult life. It began to destroy my family. I wish I had some words for you to do and to feel better. I am wishing you the best day today. I hope things will turn around for you soon.

I wanted to run away too. I wanted to move so bad. We finally did move and are on our fresh start and I am far away from the many triggers I was exposed to. It is hard to start over. We live in a place that is easy for us to care for. I have alot going on in my life which I have my bad days and my good days.

I sure wish I could give you a real hug and just sit and listen to you talk about it. Big hugs.

 

[saffy]

Hi Mandy

I think you should send it anyway, you have nothing to loose by it but a lot to gain if you feel you have to explained it honestly. It might not get you your job back but inside it feels you have talked about it to justify your leaving. Do you feel guilty about not telling them?

It might help to get some assertiveness training to help how to deal with and recognise bullies in the future? Just a thought.

My thoughts are with you :)

Saffy

 

[Mandy Tad]

Thank you Saffy, I dont want that job back, but I feel guilty for just leaving them especially when they waited for a week before informing HR that I would no longer come back. Yes will speak to my psychologist about assertiveness training.

Thank you Gizmo, I feel like I am broken record just complaining, and wanting to cry all the time. I dont like myself a bit but I am scared to take the 1 step forward, I dont know why, just terrified that I will do the same thing again. I will get myself in a mess again. I dont know right from wrong anymore.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Mandy, you are the victim here. You are innocent. It is not your fault. You did not get yourself into a mess. You were the target of choice. It is not your fault.

It is like having an identity crises. Everything has changed and you have to catch up to the new reality. you do not have the buffer of illusions anymore and you see more than you saw before. You may feel powerless and out of control. This is normal for what you have suffered and ignored.

A really good book, that is an excellent resource to me is the Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes M.D. If you can get that book it will give you alot of useful information and comfort.

I really feel for you. It is such a devastating experience you went through. It will have far reaching affects. It will take some time for you to process what happened and how it affected you. You will begin to see the truth about what happened and you will get angry at the lack of justice for yourself.

You are a good person. Your mind has been messed with over a long period of time. It will take time to heal.

Everything has changed for you so it is normal to be confused and bewildered and not which end is up.Are you in therapy? I think it would be a good thing for you. You cannot heal alone.

Your life is changed forever. It will eventually get better but it will take time and work on your part. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is the worst the way it leaves you feeling.

It is not your fault. You were targeted because you shone out like a star. Bullies cannot stand that and have to destroy peoples lives. I am glad they are now out of your life.

This has been quite a betrayal to you. Betrayal is one of the hardest things to heal from. But you are doing good reaching out here on the forums. Getting help and support will make a huge difference for you.

I am sorry to be a broken record but it will take time. You have been through an ordeal of the highest magnitude. I wonder if you journal? It helped me out so much. I just kept writing out my story over and over. It is real important to get it out of you.

Try not to blame yourself or be hard on yourself. Big hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Thank you Gizmo, I am lost for words. you are so sweet. I am not sure if I am happy that the bullies are out of my life and that is good. Once before couple of years back I was bullied by a manager, she was rude and expected me to do unrealistic things. I walked away from work and my GM called me back and offered me another position, I said thank you and left. But before I left I confronted the manager and had my say. I think I even told her she would never be happy cos she does not know what happiness meant. I wished her all the bad luck and left. I have never once looked back and thought of that job or had any bad memories.

With this one, I keep asking myself what went wrong, what went wrong with you as a person who always was happy and did not take anyone's bad remarks why did you stay? and let this happen. All I can remember is my manager telling me not to give up, you are right and stand up for yourself but in a political environment and being targeted by senior managers how could I win. I was stupid. If only I knew how much I was damaging myself by staying there Gizmo. The pain is unbearable right now. I am getting help, been put on Zoloft but I stopped it as the medication is making me have no emotions, I could not handle it as I was having pain but no emotions.

 

[Mandy Tad]

I dont know Gizmo, after I was made redundant I began studying and focusing my energy on a new field in community service work. I was applying for jobs doing volunteer work and then in April got this job with a well know pharmaceutical company, great pay, great location, perks. I was so happy for myself that I did it. Despite all that happened in my old workplace I was able to move on.

But the first day at work was a disaster, the flashbacks, the visions of my old workplace, the people were all so real, they were sitting with me in the meeting rooms, I spoke of my travel trips and the face of the horrible manager came in front of me, she was smirking at me. I dont know why this happened. I hate what happened. I was terrified and broke down the next morning. I could not even take a step to go to work again. I so wanted to, so wanted to Gizmo, this was my new life, a new career new things to learn but my body just collapsed in fear.

This has never happened to me ever. Why now? it is not fair to have this. It is wrong. I went for therapy and then a few weeks back I had it again. I was at the train station going to Uni to learn a course. I heard voices and saw the people walking towards me from my old workplace, I freaked out, I then heard this voice telling me to jump in front of the train, just do it, just do it and end it all now, it will then go away forever. I was going crazy. I dont want that voice again. It terrified me. I am scared that it will happen again and this time I may not be in control of myself.

My hand pain is related to work, so every time it hurts it reminds me of that workplace. I blame myself for not taking care of my own health. I was so focused on trying to fight for the right I was doing that I even ignored my own health and today I am paying the price. Not the bullies, not the company just me.

I used to wear a brace at work and work even with all the pain, but not once did I think of focusing on myself. I am so stupid Gizmo.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are not stupid. You are bright and intelligent. You were involved in trying to take care of it. I am sorry you were encouraged to stand up for yourself and fight them. You were outnumbered and ganged up on by many. It was not a fair fight.

You were their victim, their target. You are not stupid. I kicked the shit out of myself for being naive, gullible, vulnerable, and desperately needy and I was making myself suffer by doing that. It took a friend to tell me that I was a target and a victim to turn on the light for me, once I quit kicking myself I began to feel better. I have done emdr on the memories and now I see that it had nothing to do with me, it was about them having a hidden agenda for me.


They had done this before and they would keep on victimizing people. That had nothing to do with me.

You were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time.

When I finally broke off contact with those people it took along time for me to stop being haunted by their words and deeds. I managed to cut off contact and confronted them and left. But they never saw or heard me. They only had their own agenda. We are not at fault for others having a hidden agenda for us.

I know this is all fresh to you, and you are destroyed and devastated. But you were their victim and they all betrayed you. Betrayal is one of the hardest things to heal from. You are not stupid.

I wish I could take your pain and sufferings away from you. I guess you wish it had never happened. What you know now you wished you knew back then. It will take time to heal from this. You will feel so many different things.

I am sad that you had to get off your meds. I think it would be good for you not to feel until you stabalize yourself. My heart goes out to you. I understand what you are going through. You are not alone.\

You were in a fight where the cards were stacked against you and it was an ambush and not a fair fight at all. Big hugs.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I would personally not send the letter but would perhaps get a lawyer and send a letter to your former company about the harassment and bullying you received in the workplace. Or talk to a Human Rights advocate about your trauma in the workplace. I believe there are laws to protect people from that. I was bullied in the workplace for almost 10 years. I was sexually harassed and so were other women by a high ranking executive. I was told by my boss if I went forward I would be fired. My boss did not protect me either and would ridicule me at times. I have nightmares every day and fear running into people I worked with. I had no idea my heart-issues and other health issues were related to the trauma I was suffering.

I think you should see a trauma specialist and as far as lying as to why you left after one day you don't have to lie but could come up with an answer that your family had a major trauma and you had no choice at the time but to quit. You are not lying and you can say that you don't really want to talk about it if they ask more. Or do not list the company that you worked for 1 day on your resume. It really won't help your resume in any way. In the corporate world as well many of these people know each other through various functions and seminars. I know from working in a corporate world that confidentiality means nothing to many.

I think it is important for any company you work for to have written policies on bullying and harassment and the procedures to follow if it occurs in the workplace. Having that in writing may make you feel less fearful of the company you are working for.

You are not stupid. What they did to you played havoc on your self-esteem. I am glad you are out of the toxic workplace and hopefully in this one you will feel much safer and have a better experience. I go day by day and am triggered by many things. I don't think I would be able to get through the day without medication. Sleep deprivation makes my symptoms worse so I take a sleeping pill. Medication has its benefits during treatment.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I am not back to work but hope to be when I am well enough.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Dear Mom of two, Thank you. I am not sure where you live but I am in Sydney. I did put a claim through but the claim got rejected by the insurance company. I decided to leave the claim and focus on finding a new job and moving on. But I did not realize what would happen next. Human rights advocate deals more with people who have been sexually abused at work etc not for bullying. Lawyers take your case only if you earn 100,000 and more per year and the fees are around 5000 dollars for the first visit. I am not a rich person.

The workplace had policies on bullying and harassment, but nothing was followed. Even going to HR proved futile as I was told we work in a very political environment and nothing could be done.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Hi Gizmo, you are my rock. I dont know why but I cry when I read the posts. Big hugs back to you too. I am so grateful to have you here.

I wrote a lot today, wrote and wrote and cried and cried.. I am trying to work through this and not push it away. Just each day is making me feel like I am losing time in my own life but I cannot gain control over my emotions anymore.