Our Children

[Jimmy1]

Yesterday I had my third appointment with my new therapist. I found out he is a social worker not a psychologist. It put a question in front of my eyes, but he has been around the veteran community for over 20 years and I feel comfortable talking about shit.

Yesterday we basically found out my son has symptoms of PTSD, secondary PTSD is what some refer to it. The hard part is delineating between what is puberty (as he is 14) and what is raw unchecked emotion.

You can imagine a bad day when both of our cups are full. Its almost a warzone and he is taller than me. Lucky I taught him some respect!!!!

The good thing is that my boy wants to do something with his anger and wants to feel normal. The other good thing is that all his issues are not buried deep down, well not as deep as ours.
Here's hoping.

Anyway, my question to you guys is!!! Do you ever take a hard look at your own children and what emotions they display in stressful situations???

 

[Zipperhead]

My son took a six session thing with the social workers here on base. It was suppose to help him deal with the abnormal stress of dealing with a father with ptsd. Needless to say, it was his mother that signed him up. In the end, I don't see any change in his behaviours, and so be it. I think to some degree the social workers are just looking for excuses to blame us for things, likes it's our fault we are like this. I know there is a belief out there that secondary PTSD exists, but I think if we are honest with our kids, it will go along way to help them understand, and deal better.

 

[Anglesachse]

As my nipper has ADHD, It`s hard to say jimmy mate. I have allways said he is "Like his Bloody father" in far to many ways, the way he explodes when hit with stress. Even the smallest of things set him of.

He was thrown out of his first of 3 Kindergardens and 1 school for aggresion issues, they even tried to have the local Child agency take him of us as we were "bad parents and didn`t have a grip of him" I went f*cking ballistic, at home we didn`t have anywhere near as many problems. Probably due to the Military air in our house.

We put him in a "waldkindergarten" basicly a kindergarden that was based in a forest, and they threw him out for aggresion reason, he would throw sticks at trees? (never did figure that one out) but they insisted he was like that because I was Army Issue, they`d have swore blind he had a crows foot on him if they had know what the hell it was. The third place took him on and worked realy well with him. We also had him in a Childrens Pyschiatric clinic for 3 months to try and figure out what was what, when he left there he went straight into group sessions with a Child Psychotherapist, even the first Primary school threw him out, so he ended up at a specials needs school for anti social kids. He was still having aggresion issues but now where near as bad . He has now stopped Therapy and has moved to a normal Highschool, and seem to be getting on well, they know he has problems but are willing to work with us and him on them.

I do reckon he has secondary PTSD, he has put up with me 11 years, and there is now way that it hasn`t affected him. but luckaly he is at an age that the ADHD and the PTSD can be worked on better. It`s just hard to see where 1 finishes and the other starts. There you go, same as me again, it`s hard to see with me where the PTSD finishes and where the BPD starts.

I know its not the right thread for it, but I think it fits to the Children thing.

I never wanted kids, took the misses 10 years to get me into it. And even now, although I wouldn`t give him up for the world and I would kill anybody that touches him as he means the f*cking world to me, more than my misses does, if I could turn the clock back or go back in time I would choose not to have children. I just couldn`t face putting him through what I have. He deserves way better.

but like I said, he is here now so god help anybody that harms him because I would spill blood.

 

[Jimmy1]

Angle, this whole thread is about children, nothing else, so go for it.

It is a proven fact today that children that grow watching men beating their wives, or wives beating their husbands have a higher than normal chance of ending up thinking its an ok thing to do.
Alcoholism is quite the same and once again the same with smoking. We are role models after all.
I have smacked children before for no reason due to an anger outburst, and I still hate myself for it, but thats my burden to bear.

The local paper had a front page story of a soldier who caused so many injuries to his baby that it died. He was watching it one night while the wife was out. Apparently he was on the phone to '000' emergency getting advice on resuscitation while at the same time texting his wife saying all was ok. f*cking arsehole.
The autopsy showed brain damage and also evidence of previous cracked ribs. The child was only 8 weeks old.
If he tried to blame that on PTSD I would shoot him myself.

However; the military conditioning has a lot to do with it today too. Military almost teach you OCD. Everything has its place and must be perfect. So how hard is it when you have a sick mind to come home to a polar opposite of work??

I was told many a time and still told by therapists, 'They are not little soldiers'. Don't worry, discipline is a good thing in moderating, but children rebel if we push the point.
The veterans service over here organise parenting courses and I am planning on going to one next year.

At the moment its the whole identity thing with my boy. He is 14, going through puberty, trying to find who he is. Of course there is the whole challenge for the Alpha male thing, but I still have not played all my cards.

Waffling now