Overprotective Parenting And Ptsd

[sun seeker]

I don't really respect notions that schools crush unique kids. My students work on creative challenges daily.

There are good schools, and it sounds like you work in one. I don't think they are the majority. Yes, based on a very wide range of kids and hundreds (thousands?) of hours of research. But I respect your opinion and your experience. It's a topic I can get a bit worked up over, but I do know a lot of people see it differently. Which is fine. Diversity of opinion and all that.

 

[rightkindofme]

California is actually incredibly liberal for home schooling. :)

 

[sun seeker]

Okay. Last I heard they (California) were requiring parents hire a tutor. It's been a while since I paid any attention though.

 

[rightkindofme]

Okay. Last I heard they (California) were requiring parents hire a tutor. It's been a while since I paid any attention though.

Nope, all I have to do is file a one page form once a year registering as a private school and there is no further oversight or testing requirements.

 

[joeylittle]

@Muse, I don't know if anyone mentioned this or not- but have you considered she just might not be ready for the school environment right now?
There is a world of difference between the ages five and six, and in some kids it can be really pronounced. Whatever learning is actually happening is likely nothing that you couldn't just encourage at home.

But - the real thing happening is socialization (in my opinion), and if she's just not quite ready for it, I actually think taking a break could benefit her.

Also, and you might have covered this already - but I don't think I saw it - please don't get fooled by her intelligence. She is also just a 5 year old.

Why I say this: I was really, really bright and latched onto a few things I loved doing when I was 3,4,5. Everyone related to me like I was a good few years older than I was. This wasn't a problem except for when it was a problem - so, kid-reacting, basically. I would act like a 5 year old, but because I was "smart", I was taught not to do problematic things through a very strange kind of negative reinforcement with no positive alternate provided.

Best I can describe it is, people treated me like I was capable of being reasonable. I don't think a five year old can do that.

I see the same thing in my friend's oldest son - he was a huge baby and he's still huge. Right now he's four, but is the same size as the seven-year-olds. Watching adults who don't know how old he is relate to him is kind of shocking. They think he should have learned all these things already, like the concept of personal space and boundary. He's got no clue. And he's big, so when he makes a mistake, it's big. And then he gets shamed for "not knowing better".

She might be joining in whatever everyone does because she doesn't actually know how to separate from the group yet - it could be the same reason being called out is so frightening to her. In which case, she'd be better off maybe waiting a bit, and doing small-group socialization still (supervised play dates, things like that)

Just a thought.

 

[Nam]

Has anyone else found that their child abuse induced PTSD has made it hard to deal with parenting issues and authority figures without becoming dissociated, mute, and triggered? I'm so angry and triggered, but I am forcing myself to hold it together and try to find solutions for my daughter.

Yes and yes.

Many times, when I'm like this, I have to step back. I just can't think clearly. And many times, I can't even speak. It's like my brain just can't get the words out. I do believe that you might be having an emotional flashback; as if the book whopped your head and you feel the humiliation. It's one thing to be empathetic, but it's another when your body and emotions thinks it's happening to you. So, step back. Once your emotions have calmed down, then reassess.

Kindergarten is really early to be judging children's behavior. In my area, that is the first taste of full day school with activities on top of each other. They make them sit in chairs way too much and don't allow more creative play. My son in first grade still has trouble sitting still.

Since the principal seems more kind, I would correspond with him. State your disappointments and if it's important to you, ask for an apology. If things continue to be hostile between the teacher and your child, I would request to have the child moved to a different class if possible.

Remember to talk with your child about it. Be in her corner but also explain how people can make mistakes. Gosh, having the teacher apologize to her would bring a world of good to the teacher/child relationship.

 

[Friday]

Not saying your daughter is ADHD... However

- Giftedness (usually low on the spectrum, but anywhere from Gifted-Highly-Profoundly)
- Creativity (either mentally or physically)
- Intensity (both hyperfocus on anything interesting, as well as emotions)
- Sensory issues
- Argumentativeness / Strong opinions (Not ODD... ADHD kids come up with 1001 "what if?" scenarios. You tell an ODD kid the sun will rise tomorrow, they'll say it won't just to say it won't. An ADHD kid will come up with 'Not if there's a super nova. Not if you're on a space ship in a different solar system. Not if you're in geosynchronous orbit. Not if, not if, not if, not if.)
- Multitasking mofos

Is your daughter ADHD? No idea. She's got about a 4% chance, unless you already know it runs in your family ...or suspect, with a series of absent minded professors, pro athletes, explorers, scientists, artists, R&D peeps, military -esp special forces-, trauma med, etc. who clearly fit the bill). Which would still only bump it up to about a 25% chance.

It just drives me a little crazy when people say there's no way their kid/spouse/themselves could be ADHD, and then list off hallmark symptoms as to why. :banghead: Inattention is only one symptom, and in the right environments, is nearly never seen (because hyper focus is triggered, not hypofocus). And hyperactivity? Snort. Even in ADHD-h kids, a whole helluva lot of them learn to do fine motor hyperactivity (from keigles, to facial expression, to wiggling your toes inside your shoes) so as not to be annoying, even if their days aren't already patterned into multiple periods throughout the day that bleed the need for movement off. But in ADHD-c kids & ADHD-I kids, they'll almost never be bouncing off the walls. With combined type, because they switch into mental hyperactivity as needed, and inattentive type, because they never go into physical hyperactivy, ever. So the 2 annoying symptoms people look for? With good parenting (good ADHD parenting, slightly different than standard good-parenting), or a Montessori type school (or school for gifted kids) that brings out all the strengths of the disorder instead of the weaknesses... are all but non-existent.

No one in my family is medicated for ADHD (it blunts the gifts of the disorder too much for most of us, although most have tried meds at one point or another)... And about 3/4s of us have it. Once ADHD folk start marrying ADHD folk, the percentages shift around a little. 4:4 grandparents. 3:4 aunts and uncles (6:8). All my cousins, but one (7:8). Just me in my sibs (1:3). My son and all of his cousins (5:5).

 

[Powder]

Many times, when I'm like this, I have to step back. I just can't think clearly. And many times, I can't even speak. It's like my brain just can't get the words out. I do believe that you might be having an emotional flashback; as if the book whopped your head and you feel the humiliation. It's one thing to be empathetic, but it's another when your body and emotions thinks it's happening to you. So, step back. Once your emotions have calmed down, then reassess.

Yes, that about describes it. Getting words out is hard. I've been triggered by the teacher into emotional flashbacks. I seem to have come through it today, but last night had major somatic pain problems. Everything went into spasm.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just see red at what happened to your daughter. My son had to go with me to make a police report against a teacher who hit him.

There was no dealing with the school authorities.

I would turn that teacher in for abuse of your daughter and demand for her to transferred into a different class. The teacher is out of control to do that to your daughter and the class laughing at her invites bullys.

Just my opinion. I wish you the best but I see you as feeling normal for a abnormal situation. Stand your ground and get your daughter into a safer environment.

 

[Powder]

I'm concerned that the teacher admitted it but exaggerated the gentleness of the gesture. It she gently did it why did it startle and make laugh the whole class?

 

[Powder]

I asked her to find a similar size book and demonstrate, and it's clear it was a tap, and not painful. But I think this teacher is crappy anyway. SHe stopped letting our child get in hot line for her daily milk and didn't tell us when we asked. So our child has went through months of lunches without a drink of milk. I'm thinking this lady is a passive aggressive brat.

 

[Neverthesame]

May I ask what possible reason this teacher has for denying your child milk? Was she pouring it on the other children? Even then, it does not take months to correct a behaviour such as that.

I have nothing to go on other than what you have said. Though I see no reason why you would be embellishing anything. I am however questioning whether you are indeed overreacting. This teacher should never have withheld that information from you. If for whatever reason she does not want to give Your child milk. She absolutely needs to tell you, there may be a valid reason, there may not. Either way, you have someone denying your child of a essential nutritional food. You needed to supplement, but had no idea to do so as this person neglected to tell you. Not once or twice, but for months?

She should be fired.

I think I get so worked up over this because I had a couple of teachers like this when I was in primary school. It is so frustrating when you are too young to realize that you are being passive aggressively bullied. With no way to really explain how. You just know you don't like your teacher. It won't be until years later that you figure out what it was, by then it's far too late to tell them off.

I am hoping I don't come across as judgemental to you, that is not my intent. Sending good vibes your way @Muse.