Paranoid About Being Watched

[WhisperingUnicorn]

I am not so much insecure about the looks of my body. I can't say that I appreciate my body much, but I have other kind of trouble with it -which actually ties into the post [DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/22697/"]@RussH[/DLMURL] posted after I wrote this one. There is so much of an unhealthy obsession with the female body out there in this world, which makes me feel kind of sick.

Ah .. this makes perfect sense. :hug:

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@Born to Run it's a cubicle kind of shower, the square ones, and the water thing doesn't reach the top. So it is actually quite easy to envelop it in towels. But I think I will just try it, and see how it goes. I might take a look at the vent too, hopefully I can reach it (high ceiling).

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

I don't want to have an attractive female body.

As a PS to above .. I became obese myself (and spent my whole adult life that way and worsening until past 2 years) precisely because somewhere inside I believed my unattractiveness would ward off male sexual attention (I was molested younger) .. I don't really understand it, cuz I also played the ironic game of despising men for being visually oriented WHILE wishing someone would find me beautiful enough to love me .. this didn't come into focus for me UNTIL I lost the weight, but I KNOW it was the root of it for me. (I've posted on this elsewhere, sorry for the repeats - I'm not good at keeping track of who has said what in other posts, yet.) My unhealthy response pushed me into such ill health that I have no doubt I would have died young keeping on that track ..

Upon further reflection, I was molested in our junior high school's gym locker room/bathroom .. maybe that has something to do with my anxiety over public restrooms, too (that and they are often horribly UNCLEAN .. ugh!) ..

I like the above solution about fixing the vent, somehow, too - I think this would help me too! Doesn't solve the root issue - still would have anxiety in any bathroom but my own. But might offer you SOME peace. :)

~S2B

PSS - my man is a bit of a fitness guru and has always had stunning model-esque beauties for girlfriends, but he fell in love with me when I was still obese, and that snapped me into being motivated to lose the weight to be attractive to HIM, cuz he already loved me for the "real" me .. and "against all odds" as I saw it ... :inlove:

 

[Born to Run]

Oh that makes perfect sense now. I think your issue resonates with me, because I don't like showering either. My mother would set the clock to control me in that I had to shower in 10 minutes. It still haunts me. Regards from a fellow Dutchie :)

 

[Ronin]

Would it help you to think through worst case scenarios and look through options for that?

I often go that route - both about people I've known and people I don't want to know any longer being insistent about contact. At the end of the day, I realize there's nothing they can take away from me, because they don't have the power to break me to the point I couldn't repair myself from.

I also found paranoia spells in me are often induced by something very real and something small that needs processing. So I take them as a rather good alert system... working in rather inconvenient ways, but that's doable once past it.

And then there's the fact they can serve as my common sense pointers in times I'm about to do something unsafe and thoroughly stupid. Stop in the road, slow down? Good.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Radise I have security systems installed wherever I live. While they're installing the components, I ask them to check for listening devices as I know my ex stalker is fond of those. They are very helpful and don't treat me like a loon!! I have door alarms and motion detectors. Also smoke and CO detectors are hard wired to the system so if a fire starts and I'm not home, the security office will call 911. It's wireless because my first system that used the phone wires was cut by my stalker who came in and smashed the keypad. I wasn't home thank god, and the alarm company came right out and changed everything to wireless plus they gave me a panic button.