Parents against therapy?

[alfa]

Hello all,
I'm 15 years old and have been suffering flashbacks and extreme anxiety regarding sexual abuse that I experienced when I was 9 and 12 years old. I never told anyone since I am very reserved, so I thought it would be a good idea to go to therapy.
My family is all about "bottle it up and move on", which is often what I do, and it works. But, of course, with PTSD, it's not like the other minor problems that arise in life.
I'm thinking of mentioning that plenty of my friends attend therapy, and that it isn't as abnormal as they might think. I'm just very nervous that they'll see me as weak. Going to therapy is one of the strongest things a person can do, but with their perception... that's what they'll think. They get upset when I tell my doctor I have sleeping problems. I bet they'll be even more irritated when they realize I have mental problems as well.
Does anyone have advice on what I can say/do to persuade them?

 

[Ronin]

You are seeking appropriate and approved care for a health condition.

They should see you as a responsible and smart and courageous person (you know what you need, you know where to get it, you even researched this damn thing despite the crippling anxiety AND shaming and taboo shade they been throwing ya).

Let alone be helping you out, actively, their responsibility to you as parents.

Also, is there any trusted teacher, counselor, or a parent of some of your classmates that would be willing to speak with them on your behalf, should your efforts alone fail?

 

[alfa]

You are seeking appropriate and approved care for a health condition.

They should see you as a responsibl...

If they do say no regardless, I could speak with a teacher... I'm just afraid that it'll cross a boundary. I always thought about doing it but could never work up the guts to do it. Thing is, I'm not down with speaking with my counselor because she got visibly uncomfortable when I began to tell her about some harassment I experienced last year. I don't want anyone to get uncomfortable with me opening up.
But there is one teacher I have in mind. Maybe I'll try talking to him this week.

 

[Freida]

Can you start by telling your parents what happened? It might help them understand why you want to go to therapy. If you don't feel like you can tell them then another trusted adult is the next step. This isn't something you need to hide -- you didn't do anything wrong. And you are not weak. Weak people don't get ptsd - they fall apart and get taken care of.
PTSD happens when strong people face something horrible and continue on anyway. Short story - you deserve to get help.

 

[Suzetig]

I don’t think weak people do fall apart and get taken care of, I think people sometimes fall apart and need care. Nothing weak about a very human response to difficulties. PTSD happens when our very human coping mechanisms become overwhelmed and our natural processes for making sense of the world, including trauma, get stuck. Nothing to do with how strong or otherwise someone is.

At 15 I wonder if your parents are worried about possible mandatory reporting? If you’ve never told anyone, I suspect any therapist (or teacher) would need to report your abuse to statutory authorities particularly given you’re still a minor. I’m also wondering what makes you think you have PTSD, I’m assuming - given you’ve never told anyone - that you’ve not been diagnosed?

 

[alfa]

I don’t think weak people do fall apart and get taken care of, I think people sometimes fall apart an...

Mandatory reporting is a fear that I have as well... I really just want to be able to get this weight off of my chest rather than go through it all again legally. I don't know if they need to report it if it's not a current issue, though (i.e "i used to be suicidal" vs "i'm going to end my life soon" [i understand that this is separate from someone being out there who abused me in my childhood, but it's the best example that I can come up with at the moment]).

Yes, I have not been diagnosed -- I've not been able to cope with this issue in the same ways as others in my life. I experience avoidance, flashbacks, trust issues, depression, and anxiety. Hell, I've never let people touch me since elementary school... I hope nobody thinks that I'm lying about dealing with this since I'm not diagnosed, but this is something that's on my mind every day and causes me to dissociate and act out often. I'm open to understanding what it may be if it's not PTSD, but compared to a lot of the posts that I've read here when I first found this forum, I guess it all just made sense then.

 

[scout86]

Do your parents know about the abuse?

 

[Suzetig]

I don’t think you’re lying, but PTSD is a complex diagnosis especially in young people. It can sound the same as lots of other difficulties even when trauma has been involved. You will find a lot of different supports here and the information will be useful in terms of grounding etc.

I don’t know the law where you are but it’s possible they would need to report the abuse because you’re still a minor and the perpetrator may still be out there abusing other kids. That obviously depends on what happened and who the person was etc (you don’t need to share that here of course) but it may be an issue.

 

[alfa]

Do your parents know about the abuse?

No. The only time I've acknowledged it is on this forum.

 

[scout86]

All parents definitely aren't created equal. My own prejudices make me a little "anti-parent" and that's not necessarily accurate, or helpful. To be fair to them, if they're suggesting you just "get over" something, but they don't actually know what you're dealing with, could be you'd get a different reaction if they had more accurate information, maybe? If they aren't the sort who are approachable, by all means confide in another adult you can trust. At some point, your parents are probably going to have to know at least the outline of what happened. They're going to have to pay for the therapy, after all.

As bad as that maybe sounds? I hope you find a way to make it work. Whether you have PTSD or not, the rest of your life can be better if you deal with stuff now and the rest of your life should be a really long time.

 

[Cactus Bloom]

I’m so sorry of what you’re going through. Im wondering why you don’t want to tell your parents about the abuse and aren’t they paying attention to your difficulties you are having with the symptoms?

All parents definitely aren't created equal. My own prejudices make me a little "anti-parent" and that'...

I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment before I wrote mine so that’s why I asked the questions that you also did:)

 

[alfa]

All parents definitely aren't created equal.

Im wondering why you don’t want to tell your parents about the abuse and aren’t they paying attention to your difficulties you are having with the symptoms?

My parents aren't bad, but they are not the type to open up to since you know you'll get shut down. I'd really just like to see a therapist to help me personally develop and learn to cope with my situation. I guess the "thing" is that I really don't want my parents to find out what happened, because they would go crazy. I can imagine what my mother might do if she found out my abuser lives right across the street and is someone she always warned me about from a young age.

Thank you both for the kind words. I feel more confident (even though I still am incredibly nervous) about speaking with a teacher about this. It's going to be hard. I've been trying to speak up for years but could never work up the courage to do so.