Partner Pulls Out A Gun When We Argue

[sailorneptune]

This is hard for me to do..

ok so I am 24, a mother of 2 with ptsd. I was in an abusive marriage from age 18-21. i have one child from him. He was extremely paranoid,sexually, physically, and verbally abusive to me. He brutally raped me, assaulted me, broke all of my things and wouldn't let me see my friends or anyone. I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. (I was too scared to speak to a social worker or cop,my family was not in my life, and i told some close friends in secrecy, but they didn't want to say or do anything even after i showed many evidences of abuse).

Any way, we had a shotgun for home defense that was given to me a long time ago. He hid it in his closet. he used to torture me for fun and cock the gun and point it at me and joke about how easily he could kill me. I developed really bad anxiety and stomach ulcers to this day. any way i finally got out when i was almost 20 through the salvation army.

When i turned 21,i started dating this guy who i had known for a few years and always was attracted to. He's actually a former friend of my ex(they grew up together). He was just so amazing to me and my daughter and we connected on so many levels. He was there for me in every way. He is very fit, a trained fighter and very protective.. he has never lost a fight. The guy of my dreams. We took everything slow. He knew about my ptsd and was very respectful. He was the one person i could really talk to openly about it. 2 years later, we decided to get a place together. I got pregnant shortly thereafter. We were both so excited. But there were a lot of stresses that went along with it.. we discovered our son had a rare,but fixable birth defect of his intestines. had to quit my job because it turned into "high risk". So he was the sole provider and apparently felt a lot of pressure plus anxiety over our son.

He started doing the occasional hard drugs, drinking a lot and picking fights with me for no reason. I had never seen even a hint of that side of him before. any time i was upset, expressed concern or suggested getting help, he would get so angry with me and break things and punch a hole the wall. He actually still does all this. I've talked to his parents about it. He has a pistol too. he will get so upset sometimes he moans that "he's not good enough"/or he's scared im going to leave him,even for a few days,or not marry him and pulls out his gun and holds it to his head. It really scares me. I had the chance tonight and hid the gun away and his other weapons.

He makes me drive all the time now and makes very cruel remarks about me usually when i drive. But then will follow up with how amazing i am or something. Anytime i say something snarky back,he freaks out and can't handle it.

Tonight i was driving again of course. He drank a 6 pack and he was doing that again and i got so pissed off. I said some mean,petty things back and he got incredibly angry and kept saying i belittle him and have no respect. I said he belittles me constantly. So he pushed me really hard causing me to swerve. he then grabbed and clawed my face while i was driving. He said he wanted to smash my face through the window. i pulled over crying hysterically and fought back. He then got out of his seat and started banging his head against the window and the door and which bruised his face,and made his forehead bleed really bad. He then claimed i did all that to him. Either hes insane or manipulative. Then he came over to my side of the car, pulled me out of the seat and slammed me to the gravel road. I got cut up really bad on my legs and face.

He did the same thing to me a week ago today,except it was in our house and i still have bruises from that. He doesn't understand why im not so quick to forgive. He says thats the last time. Or he'll say bullshit like its just passionate crazy love and we're not lame like everyone else.

I'm hurting so bad inside. I love him so much :( He just wants me to hold him constantly and be affectionate even when I'm so depressed. I don't know what to say when people see my bruises and ask me what happened. They don't seem to believe my excuses.

I'm just hoping he'll accept professional help. he wants to quit all of his vices. He thinks if he doesn't work his horrible physically strenuous job that he'll be mentally sane again.. :/

 

[Weemie]

i'm going to be frank. regardless of how much you care about and love this person, he is still an abuser, and you are in an abusive relationship. get out while you still can. one of these days he's gonna f*ck around while you're driving and you'll drive yourself off a bridge.

 

[Friday]

I went directly from a seriously abusive relationship that ended with a shotgun in my mouth (very lucky me, I smashed him with it and he was so shocked he didn't pull the trigger while it was still in range of my head, and then too stunned)... And then hopped right into an abusive marriage. The abuse was so different from what I was used to, and so slow to start, that it took me 3 years to really realize, oh f*ck. I've done it again. 8 years after that? I finally divorced the asshole. My mistake, I gave it 2 more years for him "trying" ... And in that timeframe what the prick actually learned was my weak spot: our son. My mistake. As soon as he figured out I would do anything to protect my son, even stay married to his asshole father? He had me. I was no longer caught up in that gut wrenching blaming myself, or confusing painful WTF why ... But absolute knowledge that my husband is an abusive prick, and I have to stay. 11 years in total with an abusive prick, and if I could have held on longer I would have. But I gambled that the courts would find him abusive after the last time he tried to kill me (nearly succeeded), and he wouldn't get custody. The courts did find him abusive. And then awarded him 50% custody anyways. I managed to keep my son from being abused for only the first 9 years of his life. If I'd left before my now-ex realized hurting our child hurts me more than anything? We could have gotten away, my son & I. Now? I'm safe, but my child isn't. My child is trapped with that man all alone. And he hurts him. Hurts him like you wouldn't believe.

Don't be me.

Former Marine. Former NGO worker. I stayed in the beginning because I'd had worse. Don't. Don't be me. Protect your child the way I couldn't.

 

[Ellabella44]

He sounds like my father who did all of that sober. Threatening harm to himself is a way of keeping you there. Someone who loves you wouldn't do any of what he's doing. I was a kid in that situation. Its not a good place.

 

[GWhizz]

You need to get professional help. I'm not going to just say walk away. That's the obvious response. But I doubt you will. So maybe if you speak to a professional in confidence (and maybe if he can get help of his own), you'll both come to see just how unhealthy this has become. You deserve better. And things need to change for you to have better. They won't change by themselves. You need to make the decision now to take care of yourself and your children. You don't need a man to do that, and you certainly don't need a bullying abusive one either.

 

[watundah]

Exactly what GWhizz said. Read it over and over and over. Then pick up the phone.

You only get one life. I don't believe that this is really what you want to do with it.