Tina ....I strongly recommend you get counseling. Not because anything is "wrong" with you, but because what happened to you is not something you can tackle alone. Life is worth living, if you make it that way. I think what you don't realize is that you are NOT powerless. This is YOUR life & you do have control over it & power. I know that a counselor will help you discover that. I felt hopeless & powerless for a long time as well, but through therapy I have learned that I am in control. It is my life & I do have a say in what my life is like. I can make my life whatever I want it to be & chase whatever dreams & hopes I want. You can too. Your power is waiting to be reclaimed, all you have to do is grab it. ...If it's any consolation to you, you are not alone in regards to being lonely & feeling as if you are deprived of affection. I have dealt with this my entire life. I've always been an out cast, a target for bullies. I have very few friends & absolutely no boyfriend. I am 30 yrs old & have never been in a serious long term relationship with a guy that I like that likes me in return. Some days I feel like I will never have love r be with the guy I want. But I concentrate on improving myself & I work on myself & I hold on to hopes that one day I WILL attract the man of my dreams & have all his love, & He'll understand me ...I know its hard, & it seems like us survivors were dealt a crummy hand from the word go, but for right now, just focus on you. Making you better, improving yourself & making you happy & healthy. You are NOT alone.