People don't want to be friends if I don't tell them what my PTSD is from

[8888]

Sometimes it comes up earlier on with people that I have PTSD. If they ask why and I say I'm not comfortable sharing yet then they tend to avoid me. But if I do tell them the truth, that I was sexually abused then they ask who. And when I say a priest everybody freaks out and shares their views on religion and I end up sharing mine. This is just not a conversation I need to have all the time. So what do I do? I'm also autistic, am on disability and live in a group home. I don't disclose any of that early on so I feel the need to be somewhat honest about something. I really value authenticity. Half the time I don't even know what to talk to people about, I relate to no one. It's like people can't be grateful for the information I do give them, they always want more and it's very frustrating. Are boundaries not a thing anymore?

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I relate. I just had my full ASD evaluation after scoring 185 on the RAADS-R test. They asked a lot about my early years I took the test score and they added my interview answers in and asked AI how likely it is that I am not Austin and the answer was extremely unlikely. AI is trained not to give a diagnosis but you can back in and get some guidance. I get the official results on the 26th.

Like most autistic people I have a thing about being honest and I feel very uncomfortable withholding material information about myself. On the other hand if I disclose too early that kills the new friendship. I don’t know the full answer but I experiment with disclosure. Right now I hold back the full details so I don’t overwhelm the other person. I am careful not to make any false affirmative representations. I might say I have some neurodivergence that has pluses and minuses. If I actually get into a discussion about asd I will point out that AI uses autistic thinking and that was done intentionally. The companies developing AI intentionally sought out autistic programmers because they saw autistic thinking as superior for the task at hand. It isn’t a disability it is just a different way of thinking.

 

[8888]

Thank you @Lost in the Woods for that insight.

 

[Freida]

You don't owe anyone an explanation. Simply saying "I had some bad things happen but I don't like talking about it" is all you need. Plus you are entirely correct when you say that they can't handle it and then inevitably they will be angry with you for having to find out these things actually happen to people - even people they know.

The bigger issue is that if people won't respect that boundary then they aren't people you want in your life. Some of the closest people to me have never heard my story - and that's ok for me and them. If it's someone I trust I'll talk about it, but things like this have to be on your terms, not theirs.

Curiosity is normal
So is saying to you, if it's ok if you don't want to share, but if you ever want to talk about it I'm here

 

[8888]

Thanks @Freida you're right that these probably aren't the right people to be friends.

 

[Movingforward10]

If someone asks those direct questions about who did what to you, like others have said, you don't need to answer back directly.
You can say "that is private information and I only tell people when I know them very well" or whatever works for you.

I don't tell anyone really. A very very small number of people know all the details that happened to me: my partner and my T really. My best friends know a bit more (2 of them), than others. Lots of friends don't know anything. And then acquitances, know nothing at all.

I don't see it as being honest or dishonest. I see it as who I trust to manage and respond to me in a way that will help me. It's my information. Not theirs. So I get to share it when and how I want. After careful consideration about if it will help me or not.

 

[8888]

Makes sense @Movingforward10 thanks!