General People Pleasing Behaviour

[Learning123]

Can anyone tell me if they know someone who has to keep everyone happy all the time. I totally understand the need to keep people happy, but with PTSD does this become a bit extreme?

I worry about the constant stress my friend puts herself under to keep people happy and although she goes out of her way and to the extreme to do it, it is never appreciated!

I would really appreciate feedback on this because I hate seeing her stressing herself out to keep others happy, and to be fair they bloody well play on it because they know she will do it. Grrrrr!

Thanks

 

[amethist]

Hi Learning123

I was told not long ago, to keep other people happy is a mistake we all make. We should keep ourselves happy first, though not at the expense of others.

Is there any way you can talk to her about this, as a sufferer she should be putting her own needs first.

If she refuses to do something to keep them happy and they complain, then they are not friends at all. They are just using her good nature for their own ends.

I hope this helps a bit.

Amethist

 

[Learning123]

Thank you Amethist, yes that does help a lot. I have talked to her about it and I think she is aware that this happens, she works hard at being assertive and I am proud of her for the progress she has made.

The thing is that I dont want to stress her out by bringing it up too much and I don't ever want her to think I am adding to that stress or trying to control her, at the end of the day it is her decision, so it is a difficult one for me.

I just wondered if this is something that is linked to PTSD and also if I can help, coz as much as it annoys her I care about her and am very protective of her! I will just be there for her and if she brings it up I will be honest.

Thank you though I appreciate you responding to me :-)

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi l123,
I can only speak from my experience here and I would have to say that its possible she does this to hide from the problems she has herself. I mean my D was very similiar in that she would bend over backwards to help others but would do nothing for herself. She would refuse to ask anyone else for help with anything even if they owed her a favour.
I mean as an example if a friend brought up something she didnt want to talk about she would keep talking even though it was causing her pain and would cry after they left, she wouldnt want to upset them!
I really do think that some of the reason she would be trying to keep others happy all the time is that she then doesnt have to think about her own happiness or lack of it.
Hope your well L123
Take care
LB

 

[Learning123]

Thanks guys much appreciated and very helpful. I'm well thank LB hope you are too :-)