Personality States - How To Define?

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thinking on the DSM 5 criteria for DID.

"A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption of marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual."

What constitutes a "distinct personality state"? How does this differ from the idea of everyone having different parts?

 

[Sideways]

I think ("think" = me wondering out loud) based on my experience with DID, that the "distinct" part is the key word. There is no overlap.

Eg. My T comes across as a different personality with me compared with his personality when he's home alone with his wife. But there's overlaps in the clothes he likes, how he thinks (the bad Dad Jokes he makes), his values, etc. And he's got a fluent memory for it - it's one day transitioning between home and work.

When I switch, you're talking to someone else. I barely know who you were talking to before, and that's only because I've come a long way in recognising my different parts. I don't remember what the other part remembers. I don't value the same things, have the same priorities, use the same language, have the same sense of humour. If it wasn't for the same body, there actually wouldn't be any more in common between my parts than picking two strangers at random off the street. It's that "distinctness" between the two states, the lack of overlap, consistency and transition that seems to be missing...and the gaping hole in my memory!

 

[Sideways]

:tdown:I think also the fact that my parts weren't aware of each other until I had a tonne of therapy is also telling...some of my parts still don't seem to get that we all operate from the one body...that's probly relevant:O_o:

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thanks, @Ragdoll Circus

I'm sorry to keep harping on these definitions. Part of me (ha) wants the diagnosis to be true because it offers such a rational explanation for why I act the way I do (and can't seem to alter my behavior sometimes even though I try). It explains away the interior arguments I have and the way I sometimes say things aloud and have no idea where they came from.

But another part of me (ha again, but this is the rational and functional part talking) wants to agree with past therapists - that I'm just not trying hard enough and that if I just try harder, I can stop doing all this stuff.

I struggle with what defines 'distinct'. We all answer to Shadow. We don't fit the crazy media representations.

But I can't figure out who I was when I was with my ex a year ago. Outgoing. Interested in fashions and acting like a hip, young thing. Now all I want to do is wear business clothes and stay in on a Friday night. Music and parties -what used to love - seem so awful to me. I'm crawling with social anxiety now.

Sometimes I'm so interested in my career that I just can't wait to go to work. Other times I feel seriously baffled by why I have the priorities I do. I want to have a different career in those moments. I just find myself so confusing. I don't know who I am -really -and which version of me is the "real" Shadow.

And, if DID were real, then it means that something real is happening and this isn't just me being difficult and awful.

 

[Sideways]

First, DID is real. Done;)

Second, I'm not the person who's gonna do that well at convincing anyone that DID doesn't need to make you completely insane. I've been at it for several years, and I still hate it, hate it, hate it. But what I did do (one of my few really good ideas) was, after several months of just repeating "I'm completely insane" at my T like a broken record, was decide to start dealing with it as though it were a) real and b) something I had.

My T often says to me, "Why would you be making this up, given how awful it is for you?" You can't make it up, that's something that only happens in the movies (like most things about DID - movies are for laughing at, not a source of accurate info).

So, scary, awful, feel completely insane, god I hope I'm making it up - all those thoughts can be resolved over time. Working on introducing your parts to each other, working on getting them to operate as a team - that's stuff you can do even with those thoughts in the back of your mind.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Ragdoll Circus i didn't mean to imply that I don't think DID isn't real ... Just that it might not be real for me. It's definitely real. I just go back and forth about whether or not it describes me.

i think I need to decide first if I believe in it for me before I can even try to work with my parts. I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced that I'm not just being dramatic. Depending on what part of me is in control, I'm either convinced that I am DID or completely convinced that I made it all up .... It's really hard to get cooperation when parts disown the others.

I'm just so exhausted from trying to figure it all out. I kinda just want someone else to confirm it so I can stop guessing at myself.

 

[Sideways]

Has someone else already diagnosed you with it?

If so, my advice doesn't really change. With my ptsd, there are times when I believe that I can't possibly have experienced the trauma I went through. But I keep at my therapy despite that denial, because whatever the cause, the symptoms are real and need treatment.

With DID, if you don't treat it until you're absolutely sure, things probably won't change. Whatever symptoms you've got that led to the diagnosis, they probably won't get any better or worse. You stay with the status quo.

If you do start treating it, and it's real, then you're ahead. You'll get to know your parts and have better insight to what's going on and, at some point, the penny will probably drop that yeah, it's real. If you start treating it and it's not real, you'll know soon enough, because there won't be any parts in your head to interact with.

It hinges on whether you've been diagnosed, but my position remains much the same: how real do you need to believe an illness is before you start trying to treat it?

Oftentimes, we don't need to believe much at all, because the illness will either respond to treatment (because it exists) or it won't (because it doesn't). If you didn't want to believe the scans showing that you've got a brain tumor, you'd probably go ahead and get surgery to pull it out anyway, yeah? Few people want to accept a DID diagnosis, but that's seperate to whether you like decide to start treating it...

 

[void]

I think ("think" = me wondering out loud) based on my experience with DID, that the "distinct" p...

......and yet an alter CAN(in some cases) be "co-conscious" with another alter(I'm told)

what you describe is 100% textbook though, ftr.

NB:i do NOT understand DID well, through I know one person with it.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Ragdoll Circus No diagnosis yet. It's just me wondering and panicking and feeling too close to the descriptions of the disorder than is comfortable.

......and yet an alter CAN(in some cases) be "co-conscious" with another alter(I'm told)

what you describe is 100% textbook though, ftr.

Do you mean what I am describing it what Ragdoll is describing?

 

[Sideways]

Co-consciousness is something I've been working on & made a lot of progress with. Still have distinct parts, but (at least some of them) are aware of the other parts and, to some degree, remain aware of what is going on even when they aren't in charge.

 

[void]

@Ragdoll Circus No diagnosis yet. It's just me wondering and panicking...

Sry i was unclear, @theshadowoftheliving :sorry:

I was referring to post #2 in this thread and only to @Ragdoll Circus 's description.

:)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@void thanks for clarifying. No worries at all.

I just tend to panic ....