Pet Lovers With Ptsd...

[xena21]

I have a 15 year old Shepard mix that I have had since she was 6 months old. She had been abused like me as a puppy and I got her at the local pound. I live alone with her and a cat and she has been the one I have told all my problems and secrets to for the last 15 years. Right now she is at the end of her life...not doing well at all. I'm being selfish because she looks at me with eyes to fix her and all I can do is groom and feed her.

I can't imagine life without my dog. My PTSD has been SO BAD even with her around the last few years, but she had been the bright spot. I would come in the door and her ears would go back and her tail wagged, and she would just look so happy to see me. It lifted my spirits when my days were so bleak. I don't feel as if I can go on without her being here. I know that is soooo selfish, and I want to do the right thing for her. I will. I just don't think I will be able to handle it.

Has anyone had experience with this?

 

[Cadiche]

Yes. And it truly hurts your insides to let go, but I kept saying this is not about me. It is about my furbaby. I love them so much that they are always priority. If they are in pain or old and their quality of life has gone, the only right decision is to let them go to be at peace. They will always be lucky to have had such a wonderful human to share their life with, and when they get to Rainbow Bridge they will spend all of their hours telling their new friends how amazing you were - how you loved them so much that you put them first.

Nothing will ever take their place in your life. Their memory is forever, just as their memory of you will be forever. And then one day you will see a new furbaby who wants to make some new memories with you. Yes, it does hurt. But you are strong and loving and you will do what is right for them always. ♥

 

[xena21]

Nothing will ever take their place in your life. Their memory is forever, just as their memory of you will be forever.

Thank you! I have such a hard time thinking of this whole process. I want to keep extending things and not being an evil owner by killing her, you know? Then I see her hobbling and I feel horrible. How is it you know when its ok to let them go?

 

[Barberian]

Yes, I've had to put to sleep many pets over the years. It hurts like hell, but when they have nothing but pain, it's selfish to try and keep them alive. Yes there will be a time of great pain during the mourning process for anyone who truly loves their pet(s). That too shall pass. I still tear up sometimes when I remember a pet I used to have. Such is life.

I've always tried to take pictures of them throughout their lives, so when they are gone, I'll have pictures to remind me of the good times, the bad times, and everything in between with them and life in general.

 

[xena21]

Yes there will be a time of great pain during the mourning process for anyone who truly loves their pet(s). That too shall pass.

Thank you. I keep tearing up, because my dog is lying behind me dreaming right now. Like a wonderful life right? She is drugged to the max. It took her so long to get her to lie down and be comfortable. When I groom her I know she loves it. Thats not enough though is it? A life should be more than lying on your side being brushed.

She is so awesome. I know she looks right at me and is happy for that time in an instant, but I know she is in pain. I know I have to do something soon or I'm being selfish. She just reminds me of me. She was so abused when she was a puppy. She was shot with pellets and left on the side of the road as a baby. Who could do that to a creature so young?

I'm sorry, it's just so hard for me to even fathom. I appreciate your answers. I know I have to think of her. I will do that. She can't suffer. I do know that. Even if I have to. She will be happy.

 

[Jezanna]

I can tell you from personnel experience that when they looked at me with pain in their eyes or fear and confusion due to old age it was time to let go. I had one dog who I didn't euthanize and he died in my living room in agony and it will haunt me till the day I die. It's my last memory of him and I don't wish that on any animal lover. I caution you not to repeat my mistake.

 

[xena21]

I caution you not to repeat my mistake.

Thanks. I understand. I am going to take steps to make things right with her. I'm going to look into services. I haven't even looked into anything yet, which isn't good, but I've been in a total mind block about it. I certainly don't want her to go through that in my house or anywhere in such pain.

I just have a fear that I won't be able to handle it. I was actually in the hospital last week for a prescription overdose. I am on the edge and she has always been my stability. I know I still want to do right by her though, not by me.

 

[nursenurse]

You know it is time when they stop enjoying life. They can't make it outside to do their business, they no longer enjoy the walk, the food. Does she take any interest in anything she used to? To what extent? Is she on pain medicines that no longer do what they are supposed to do? If she is incontinent in the house, and never used to be, she probably does not enjoy that. You have to really ask yourself the question, "Am I keeping her alive for her or for me?" Because if it is the latter, the time has come to make the hardest and most unselfish decision of your life.

I put my little guy down at almost 18 years, he was my best buddy. To say it was difficult is an understatement. But he was no longer waking up with me to go downstairs in the morning. We had been carrying him for a couple of months. He was waking up in a puddle of urine, which started off as the odd dribble, but progressed. The metacam no longer eased his joints. The 10 minute walk took an hour, but while he was moving slowly, he still showed exuberance at sniffing. One day, the exuberance disappeared. The food was always his thing, and that never stopped, period. His name was Hoover. He was so upset with himself when he started having accidents.

It was a day, when my mind flipped and I had to do it. It was that first day that he just didn't even sniff his trees. He had awakened in a puddle a few days in a row. Then I knew he was there for me and not for him. I had done everything to make him comfortable, and I could do no more. It is seven years this year, recounting this still brings tears to my eyes. I just wanted you to have few things to be on the watch for, really.

I am so sorry for you. I hope this helps a bit. Hugs to you.

 

[xena21]

I just wanted you to have few things to be on the watch for, really.

That really helps! I'm sorry for the loss of your pet. It's so horrible. What you described really helped me though. My Abby has started having accidents as she sleeps, but I blame it on not taking her out enough. It's hard enough to get her outside because her joints are so sore.

She is on so much pain medication, I don't know what is working or not. She still eats but only special cooked food now. I have to cook her chicken, which I will do in a heartbeat, but she doesn't like dog food anymore. She does drink lots of water so I guess thats good, but knowing she's happiest when she's sleeping is so sad.

I keep holding on. Like you said...I'm waiting until she can't walk or keeps peeing where she sleeps, or can't get up at all. Is that torture to do now that I'm listening to you? I love her so much. I don't want to be selfish.

Thank you all for your responses. I really do appreciate them!!

 

[SeanCharles]

@xena21 I feel your struggle. I have what I'm referring to my dog as an older lady, 65 yo in human yrs, in a 10 yr old dog body. I've had her since she was not yet a year old. Her health is deteriorating and I feel like the time for me to be her caregiver has arrived.

Our experience has been such that we've had one major separation (while I got us the house we're in now) and a minor separation over the weekend two days after her adoption from the shelter.

I don't feel as if I can go on without her being here.

Grief is a process, there are five stages... It will be additional work, especially if you're not far in managing your ptsd. Dealing with grief may not be easy, especially with ptsd. What is your veterinary doctor saying? Have they made any prognosis and suggestions or other recommendations?

 

[nursenurse]

You aren't torturing her, please be kind to yourself in this process. Letting go is simply so difficult to do. I'm not sure you want to wait until it is so horrible that you will be berating yourself for not doing it sooner. Complete immobility is not necessary to know a doggie is suffering. Why don't you call your vet, or drop off a letter if that is easier, of all that you are seeing, and your questions. They are in the business of knowing when the time is approaching. The kindest thing my own vet said to me when putting any of my pets to sleep was "It's time. You have done everything you can." Loving them the most means letting go. I can't see your doggie, I know she is so very well loved. From a professional point of view, and only going by what you have said, her time is near. You know that already, but it can feel like a lonely and heartless decision, even though it is not. You love her. And you have many people here, PTSD and non, that have gone before you.

A poem I like:

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come -- please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve -- it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

--- Anonymous ---

 

[Cadiche]

You aren't "killing her". You are giving her relief, release, and long awaited peace. Talk with your vet about what they think is the best to do for her. If they cannot offer you any miracle medications to cure her, then it is time to let her peacefully slip away. They are very good at giving your furbaby a quiet and peaceful way to pass over to the green butterfly-laden meadows of Rainbow Bridge. They would first give a sedative which would calm her and lull her to sleep. Once she is asleep and peaceful, they then give a second sedative which completes the process. Your furbaby will be with you or in your arms, and will know your love until it's last breath and beyond <3